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"Official RTVW LCS #4 Episode #5 Summary: I know I'm funnier than Episode #5"
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Snidget 43862 desperate attention whore postings
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06-30-06, 12:51 PM (EST)
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"Official RTVW LCS #4 Episode #5 Summary: I know I'm funnier than Episode #5"
Official RTVW LCS #4 Episode #5 Summary: I know I'm funnier than Episode #5 of Last Comic Standing.

Each time a show is dug up from the grave and resurrected through various assorted arcane methods there is that hope however slim that this time, yes this time, it will be worth it. Unfortunately once again that small flicker of hope is snuffed out by this episode.

Previous on Last Comic Standing, 12 nearly humans were dredged from the bilge of comedy clubs all across America and marooned on the Queen Mary They faced their first challenge, something they have all had experience with, heckling. Chris and Rpz received immunity and Kristin lost by one vote. On cue those cast for drama created drama and it spilled over into the Boiler Room. April, Stella, and Michele competed in a head-to-head and Michele won with 83% of the audience vote.

And in the who knew they could even screw this up category for this evening, they promise us three comics will compete in the head to head to night, one will return to the ship and two will go home (well they get that last part right)
Anyway on with tonight's dreck-fest.

THOUSANDS WILL COMPETE..............................................WHO IS THE FUNNIEST.................................................YOU WILL DECIDE.............................................WHO WILL BE THE LAST COMIC STANDING

Michele returns to the ship thinking the other comics expect April to return, and most of them seem happy that she was the one that returned, somehow she thinks maybe this will save her a head-to-head or two. Kristin thinks that since she won it by a mile people won't challenge Michele for awhile. Lets see how long that lasts, shall we?

Rebecca introduces this episode's theme by discussing the Moroccan theme of the dinner which is various assorted and sundry insensitive comments. While being politically incorrect, cultural, gender, etc insensitivity can be funny, it is not the automatic sure thing some of these comics seem to think it is. While Rebecca found dinner to be merely, "weird meat and raisins," Joey Gay found it to be a "pleasant distraction," which is I believe the cue for the belly dancers, and look, here they are. Not just any belly dancers, twins with snakes. I guess since Snakes on a Plane looks like it has enough buzz to get people to watch it they figured snakes could only help the ratings. Ty continues the theme of tonight's show by mentioning that it took him a full 10 minutes to notice the woman were twins because he wasn't looking at their faces. The comics then demonstrate why they couldn't get past the auditions of So You Think You Can Dance and had to try out for this show instead.

Now very few people go into stand up comedy because they are morning people, so the producers get them up a 2:30 am. What sort of challenge could it be that they have to get up so gosh-darn early? The comics can't figure it out, and demonstrate why if you do somehow have the misfortune to spend the night with any of them make sure you slip out before they wake up in the morning. By 3:30 AM they manage to get them all on the short bus to go to the challenge, and still no one has any idea what they could be going to at this hour of the morning. I guess none of them ever got up early enough to hear morning drive time radio at any time in their life. That was my first thought, was that your first thought? I thought so. At 5:30 AM we arrive at the studio of the Adam Carolla Morning Radio Show. Is there a chance that Last Comic Standing will be funnier than the A-dam Ca-roll-a Morning Show? Lets just say that snowball sitting here in my own private hell I put myself in by volunteering for this gig didn't last more than 3 nano-seconds. I mean how hard can it be to be funnier than Adam Carolla at 6:10 in the morning? Apparently I need to lower my expectations to keep watching this show.

Adam Carolla comes in and explains the challenge. A one-minute original routine based on one of the magazines that are in brown envelopes. 60 seconds, anyone can be funny for 60 seconds, right? Adam Carolla will be the judge (why do I hear that ominous scary music?) and the winner will be immune. They take their envelopes and lets see what they get.

Chris Porter gets Latina Wedding, the Spanish edition.
Kristin gets Modern Knitting
Josh Blue gets Weapons of Death
Bil Dwyer gets ssCAT!, which appears to be about kittens, not jazz

Oh.The.Suspense...we don't find out the rest until after the commercials.

Generally I just skip the commercials, but this time I have to say something in each commercial break demonstrated exactly what was missing from the show. So this commercial break brought us: heckling, punny jokes, action, rhyming jokes, sabotage, juxtapositional humor, talent, and finally people bringing it during a competition, and we're back.

Roz talks about having to improv with no preparation (wait, rewind tape Gabrielle said they had 20 minutes to get ready) Ok, last I checked improv with no preparation would have been they open the envelope with the magazine in it on the air and just have at. I know improvisational humor is something that not everyone can do, but surely one of these comics can come up with something funny in 20 minutes. Please, for the love of all that holy let one of them come up with something funny, I'm begging here.

So Roz, who suffered a time lapse and didn't get the same 20 minutes everyone else did, has to discuss Astrology, Numerology & Hot Sex. The magazine recommends avoiding abusive language, but Roz disagrees, she likes "rough trade" and we end her set with at little smack on the ass. I'll give you a minute to try to remove Roz's sex life from your mental image storage facility, and when you figure out how, please let me know what you did, because it seems to be stuck firmly in mine. Gabrielle got Agriculture Today and continues our theme of cultural insensitivity by imitating various accents of people in the building he discussed the magazine with, including the hispanic janitor and a red-neck. Chis gets to talk about Latina Wedding next and the only part of his 60 seconds we see is when he admits he doesn't speak Spanish. I hope for the sake of the radio station this wasn't when they do the ratings as it that was all they could find funny in 60 seconds I hate to think of how many people turned the dial. Now I know why there wasn't any spoilers about this broadcast on the internet, no one who listened to the whole thing survived to tell anyone about it.

Ty goes next discussing Hot Rods Today: Pure Muscle. That is not code for anything, get your minds out of the gutter people, it is about cars. Ty does a bit on the things they put in these cars. "What a stripper pole and a Starbucks, in a Geo Metro?" Ty admits he would rather swim to the end of the earth with Gabe and Roz tied to his arms (does the man know that fat floats?) than do this challenge again. Michele gets about 3 seconds of cuddling up to Sparring before we are on to the next comic. Josh then, "basically ate *bleep* for about 30 seconds and then, um *snort* ate some more." Bil goes next and Adam tells him to be funny. Poor Adam, he had to listen to the whole mess and we only had to listen to about 5 seconds for each comic. He must have a stronger constitution than I would have given him credit for. Adam and Bil have a good time talking about destroying deformed and sick kittens and Bil is certain he has immunity. Joey gets to do his minute on the Farming Journal which involved reading direct quotes that with the right timing and energy could have been really funny, unfortunately he read them as if he were having the square bowel movement he wishes on Adam Carolla for putting him through this. Personally, I think his anger is misplaced, after all the producers made Adam suffer through this, I wonder how will Adam take his revenge?

Kristin gets Adam to crack a smile over knitting oneself a vibrator and noose, but only lasts 47 seconds. She feels like she has been kicked in the testicles, could this be foreshadowing? Nah, this couldn't be the moment of heavy handed foreshadowing could it? Rebecca brings from Beefcake the top 10 ways to keep from blowing out your *bleep* and thankfully she runs out of time, but still gets in a line about feminine hygiene products that just shouldn't be mentioned in the same breath with manly men. Afterward she is insanely giddy about her phenomenal writing skills. What, she got to prepare and write when Roz didn't? Darn those inexplicable time lapses.

Adam has number 9, Kristin, at the top of his list but can't award immunity to her because she didn't finish, is this what the testicle kicking foreshadowed? I can't blame him because you gotta finish the set and they only made them go for 60 seconds. Since he can't give immunity to the one person that actually said something funny, this gives him his moment to {reverb}take revenge{/reverb} on the producers of the show for inflicting him with the bilge of comedy. He will select between #10 and #3. Wait #3, Chris, who only said I learned I do not speak Spanish? Did they leave something funny on the cutting room floor? Oh, wait, this is the revenge segment of the show. Which of these two will the producer want cut this week the most and we get our immunization winner, Rebecca!!! She agrees with Adam that she should be the winner of immunization.

Doesn't she know those shots have side effects? Let's see which ones she gets inflicted with. The first symptom is excessive obviousness, she realizes this means she will be here next week, who knew that was what getting immunity on a reality TV show meant. All these years and until she came along I never figured out what all that drive to get immunity was all about. Thank you for enlightening me with your wisdom. The second symptom is the inability to read other people. She doesn't even seem to notice Bil's sarcasm as he congratulates her. Day-um maybe that mercury in those shots really can cause autism.

Back on the ship they discover sunshine for the first time decide to play a football game in the basking warmth that they had never experienced before. Apparently the cast of Hell's Kitchen in order to drive Gordon completely insane by not getting out any food visited the ship and buttered Joey Gay's hands. Who knew the best receiver of the bunch would be Josh. Chris decides that Josh doesn't have cerebral palsy at all, just a severe cocaine addiction. Since actually doing something competitive and trying one's best is not what the contestants are here for Kristin and Josh decide to stop trying to catch the ball at all and play "Crotch Ball". Oh, this is what the testicle foreshadowing was about. Josh with much more accuracy than you would expect from someone with cerebral palsy repeatedly kicks a ball right into Kristin's hooha until she is writhing in pain. We know take a brief moment for our World Cup Soccer homage, " Gooooooooooooooooooooooooal."

We go off to Commercial Break #2 which again shows us all that we have seen if this had been a real show: action, pirates (pirates are always funny), prop comedy, waiting around for someone else to actually do what they were supposed to be doing (wait, we got plenty of that), talent, firework-worthy performances, humorous dialog, entertainment, special effects, large snakes (wait we had those), and we're back.

People discuss that Rebecca might have been a target. Rebecca exhibits memory loss as a side effect of her immunizations as she has to remind herself out loud every 10 seconds that she has immunity or she forgets. This, annoys her shipmates almost as much as it annoyed me. Continuing tonight's theme of cultural and gender insensitivity, Rebecca declares that she won't ever challenge one of the other women, and she thinks Roz is a woman. Almost makes you long for Gabrielle's {reverb} Hat O' Doom, Patent Pending {/reverb}. In the tradition of all Reality TV show Editing, Roz thinks she is being voted for tonight, which means that she is safe.

Cue the dramatic we are going to the boiler room music. Chenbot 1.0 Clarkbot 1.0 reminds them of why they are in the boiler room. Again we are reminded that three, count them three, comics will perform to night for an audience that votes one, count them one, of them back onto the boat. Remember kiddies you are supposed to say, "I know I am funnier than, say their name here," when you say who you want to challenge. During the long explanation of the voting procedure Rebecca forgot she had immunity so is very excited when Clarkbot 1.0 reminds her of this and sends her off to vote. Rebecca votes for Joey, Joey votes for Bil, we see none of the other comic's votes until the reveal.

Joey --Bil
Josh --Gabriel, what have I done?
Bil Dwyer--Michele, looks for the fire exit
What will Gabrielle's Hat O' Doom do?

Off to Commercial Break #3 and it reminds us the show is missing: suspense, slapstick humor, irony, more juxtapositional humor, taste, strategy, more humorous dialog, and we're back.

We have a three-way tie Joey, Bil and Michele, and the hat says, "Chris," so now we have a four-way tie. All four will perform, two will come back to the ship. The comics seems shocked that Michele got selected again, and they prepare for the head to head and pack. Watching people pack, I could watch that for hours.

Clarckbot 1.0 sets up the four-way challenge, The winner gets the Capital One Pass and $1,000. Bil is nervous, Michele is pah-sausted (pumped up and exhausted). Joey's stomach is doing cartwheels and we don't know how Chris is doing. Joey is up first, he shouts his whole performance at the same volume. Obligatory no this is not my stage name joke, and no one wants to be Mrs Gay joke. Now we begin the themed-insensitive part of the set. Five sisters who cycle together, how bad does it have to be when the US we call in the Mexican army, alcoholic Irish jokes, and then finally he ends with puke. Chris says he is going to use his A material because he doesn't want to go home with an Ace in his pocket. Oh my, someone is going to say or do something funny on the show? I.Can.Not.Wait. Set starts with pot jokes, with some xanax and mushrooms added in, then moves onto condom shopping and then onto suffocating doesn't keep one alert. I guess the Ace was left on the cutting floor.
Commercial break #4, finally something worth watching and we have: situational humor, adventure, high-end performance, talent, winners, competitiveness, entertainment, and we are back.

Bil is up next and sticks to the cultural insensitivity section of the set an starts with Armenia jokes moves on to disability, sadly his family can only afford a really old computer and waiting to name your kid until after you gets to know it means you are stuck with sleepy or *bleepy* for a name. Then he moves onto leaving his kids with pedophiles so he can have date night with his wife. Michele is next. Starts the set with bicycle cops jokes, and then onto smoking outside, and going on about not having any extra cigarettes. Next we go to penis-enlargement spam and that she'd rather than her *bleep* enlarged instead. Someone once thought she had implants, she says, "Yeah, get me those double A's over there,: She did think about getting saline implants since she also wears contact lenses, that way you can clean them anywhere. Moving on to getting hairy breasts after 40 and being afraid to shower as that might water them. She ends the set with a remote controlled vibrator she was shown at the sex shop. When her vagina is across the room, shoot her. She figures it must be for couples that have been married too long, go ahead, I'll be up after the Super Bowl, click.

Clarkbot 1.0 states that all the performances were funny, and brings them all onstage. If you like Joey you will vote number one *crickets*, If you like Chris you will vote number 2, whistles and cheers from the audience, If you like Bil press number three, a few claps, if you like Michele press number 4 and she gets cheered. So no hints at all from the audience reaction at all, which really builds the suspense. We get to watch the audience push buttons and finally we break for commercials.

Lets see what we are missing on the show with break #5: slapstick humor combined with product placement, strategy, suspense, Hooha (wait we had that), talent, and we're back.

The results are in. Two moving forward and two going home. The comic with the lowest percentage of audience votes is Bil. Chris is tonight's Capital One No Hassle pass with 52% of the vote. Joey and Michele are left. Joey, is going home. Guess sticking with the cultural insensibly theme just didn't work out for our comics tonight. Joey thinks he is the only one that leaves a reality show with no regrets.

The show returns in two weeks with a roast of Gabrielle and for the first time ever, someone violated the house rules and may not remain in the competition. If you were stuck with those people wouldn't you violate a rule or two just to get out?
Now it is time for our Capital One America's Choice vote for this summary.

Which station in the NBC family will the end of this season of Last Comic Standing be sent to die?

Press 1 for USA
Press 2 for Bravo
Press 3 for MSNBC
Press 4 for CNBC

This station will receives not only the remaining tapes but a card with $1,000 dollars on it to cover the costs of drowning their sorrows.

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 *presses #2* Estee 06-30-06 1
 RE: Official RTVW LCS #4 Episode #5... mysticwolf 07-01-06 2
 RE: Official RTVW LCS #4 Episode #5... ARnutz 07-01-06 3
 RE: Official RTVW LCS #4 Episode #5... MKWillis 07-01-06 4
 RE: Official RTVW LCS #4 Episode #5... Cyndimaus 07-01-06 5
 None of the above Sydney Rain 07-03-06 6

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Estee 55195 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

06-30-06, 01:22 PM (EST)
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1. "*presses #2*"
During the long explanation of the voting procedure Rebecca forgot she had immunity

If only we had.

Poor, poor suffering Snidget... at least now I have company...

(Comedy=someone else's tragedy plus typing.)

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mysticwolf 10692 desperate attention whore postings
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07-01-06, 00:16 AM (EST)
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2. "RE: Official RTVW LCS #4 Episode #5 Summary: I know I'm funnier than Episode #5"
Great job, Snidget. Unlike the comics on the show you delivered what you promised. You were funnier than they were. And, for that, I thank you.

Puppy Lvoe from Tribe blogging's scary

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ARnutz 13792 desperate attention whore postings
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07-01-06, 08:32 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: Official RTVW LCS #4 Episode #5 Summary: I know I'm funnier than Episode #5"
I think this show will wind up on Fox Reality!

*presses #5*

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MKWillis 1 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "American Cancer Society Spokesperson"

07-01-06, 11:11 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: Official RTVW LCS #4 Episode #5 Summary: I know I'm funnier than Episode #5"
That was easily funnier than ANYTHING I've seen on this season of LCS...maybe I'll spare myself the mind-numbing tedium of watching the rest of the series (wherever it winds up being burned off after NBC gives it the bum's rush) and just come here and read the recaps from now on.
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Cyndimaus 3117 desperate attention whore postings
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07-01-06, 01:35 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: Official RTVW LCS #4 Episode #5 Summary: I know I'm funnier than Episode #5"
Superb job. I had to miss all but the head-to-head and you got me all caught up and I got to miss the bad parts. (wasn't that most of the show?) Thanks for a great job!

sig courtesy of Cygnus

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Sydney Rain 39 desperate attention whore postings
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07-03-06, 03:27 PM (EST)
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6. "None of the above"
I'll go out on a limb and predict reruns will be seen on the Hallmark Channel. I hear they're going in a new direction. ("When You Care Enough to See the Very Last . . .)
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