** THE WAY THEY WERE**
Hi everyone! We made it to the finale of Cupid. After 11 weeks of competition (has it been that long?), we find out whether America was sadistic enough to vote Robert as last man standing.
Our favorite host, Spike McFayden, is all spiffed up in a black suit with satin lapels. However, true to his name, Spike has brought his “spikes” to an all-time high. Does he not realize that in order to get the “Ryan Seacrest / Clay Aiken” look, you need to spike ALL YOUR HAIR and not just the middle part so it looks like a Mohawk??!! Spike is cute and I find his cutting remarks hilarious but DUDE, do something with the hair. I need to write a summary and your hair is too damn distracting!
Ok enough of that, on with the show. First, we are shown a rehash of some of the auditions, which were a hoot and the best part of the whole show! Who can forget Wooden Sword Guy fighting with Laura, Grampa Gladiator being a perv, Cherub Boy being a child, Hillbilly Guy with his Barbie doll, Tattoo Boy with his skateboard and Porno Guy. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the memories.
"Hey Ma ... look who I'm gonna marry"
Next, Spike welcomes back the six booted guys … Rob, Scott, Paul, Ken, Joe and Renda, then the four finalists … Evan, Hank, Robert and Dominic. All the guys were dressed in black suits with bow ties. Laura and Kimberly were dressed in lovely black evening dresses. Wow, Kimberly is wearing something nice for a change. Lastly, Lisa comes out on stage wearing a beautiful white wedding dress, which really looked like an evening gown, but she looked Classy! It was cute seeing Lisa nervously giggling.
THE BACHELOR HOUSE:
This show is all about the memories, so the guys reminisce about the most recently shafted guy, Renda. Dom must have gotten rap lessons from Robert, judging by his lame rap attempt for Renda … "Yo yo Renda, it was fun spenda time with you." Yo Yo Dom! Save the rap for the professionals. Next we see them having a ping pong competition. Whoever wins gets Lisa. First up were Evan and Dom. Evan puts a tie around his forehead and has no shirt on. If it weren't for the stupid tie, I'd say Evan was looking pretty good. Despite his warrior headband, Evan lost. We then see Hank and Robert compete. Hank wins by 2 points (YIPPEE!!). They then decided to have a mock-wedding. Evan presided over the ceremony while Dom played Lisa and Robert played Hank. Hank sat by watching all this, slightly amused. When it was time to kiss, Dom and Rob put up their ping-pong paddles in front of their faces and kissed them. Evan then walked over to Hank and pressed his hands heavily down onto Hank's shoulders and said "Feel that? Its called pressure." Hank is starting to look a little afraid, or he just wasn't amused.
Laura and Kimberly were then asked for their final vote on who should be the guy to marry Lisa and they both said Hank. Man, Spike's hair is really distracting. I can hardly concentrate on the show.
We then go on a trip down memory lane by watching the four finalists' past dating experience's with Lisa.
Dom got me in a singing mood so here we go ….
(sung to the tune “The Way We Were” by B. Streisand).
Darken corners of my mind
Mostly sad and painful memories
Of the way they were
Mirrored-shoes and crying tears,
How can I erase the memories?
Of the way they were
Can it be that Dom’s not ready to wed?
Will Evan learn to skate on ice?
If we have the chance to watch it all again,
Tell me, would we? Should we?
Memories, I just can't seem to forget
Roving hands and heated kisses
Is this something Hank will regret?
Sooooooooo it’s the laughter,
I’ll try to remember
Whenever I remember …
The way they were...
The way they were..."
Each of the guys made some comments during the video clips:
Robert: He thinks he’s the best choice for Lisa. (Man that guy's so delusional)
Dom: He says there’s a connection so his age shouldn’t matter.
Hank: He is looking forward to exploring life with Lisa. (Among other things "wink wink"
Evan: He says Lisa is the best choice for him.
Dom had the least amount of votes so he is the first one of the night to be eliminated. He tells Lisa she’ll make a great wife and mother and then tells Laura and Kim they were right about him being too young and not ready for marriage. All the women in the audience hooted and hollered when he said that.
We now get a chance to see how the six booted guys have fared since they left the show.
Rob: I don’t remember much about Rob but I noticed that he looked so severe and never smiled. All of a sudden, he gets up and starts doing a backward freaky quivering jitter dance with his butt sticking out. WTF? Is this some new dance craze? What really got me LMAO was later, reading Sophie’s “Memories, Memories” thread, I see a post by Swami, which is dated prior to the finale. Swami says: “I liked the first Rob who was booted first. He's the guy who made the most money--he sang pretty well, but wow that guy had some great booty moves when he danced!” BWAHAHAHAHA! Sorry Swami but I couldn't help laughing when I read your post after seeing Rob shake his booty last night. (*waves* to Sophie & Swami). Rob honey … that ain't no way to get the ladies.
Scott: He tells us that he has learned not to listen to yahoos who trash talk. All eyes (and cameras) focus on Laura. LOL. Too funny.
Paul: He tells Lisa that he had a great time. *yawn*
Ken: This guy is most definitely a masochist. First he had those kids beat up on him during one of his dates. He now tells us that “there is no greater rush than standing on that stage watching one of your dates go right down the toilet”. At first I thought it was a joke, but he later ended by talking about that “rush” feeling he got being humiliated on stage (something like that). Strange man.
Joe: UGH! HappyDayz correctly had this guy pegged as a “grand-stander” (*waves* to HappyDayz). I don’t think he said anything to Lisa, he just went ahead and made a play for Laura saying, "I know there's chemistry. Don't fight it, don't let your ego get in the way”. He then tells her he’s ready to tie the knot with her tonight on stage. The only thing missing was him flashing his wad of cash. UGH! Spike tells Joe that he’s stealing the thunder from Lisa. You got that right Spike my boy.
Renda: He’s a cute guy but he never makes any sense. He tells us that he’s closer to understanding love and that he cries a lot now. Renda, Renda, Renda … women like men to be in touch with their feminine side but not to the point where they have to console you all the time. Get a hold of your water works boy! Renda then says he was a new man after his experience on the show, "like a rose whose petals are opening more and more now." Deep Renda. Reeeeeeeeeeeal deep. (insert rolling eyes icon here)
Evan’s turn to get the shaft and he’s so relieved that he asks Spike if he can break his own arrow.
Actually, Evan had a nice exit speech and told Lisa that he will miss her and hopes that America chose wisely and chose the right guy. It looked like he had tears in his eyes. He seemed sincere.
As predicted, it’s down to Hank and Robert as the final two. Spike asks Laura and Kim how they are feeling and they are both nervous but confident that America made the right choice. Spike then tells Kim that she looks nervous, like she’s doing the pee-pee dance. I cannot believe he said that! At first I thought he said tee-pee dance and thought it was some kind of rain dance LOL! Pee-Pee dance. Jeeze Spike! Grow Up!
FINAL WORDS FROM THE FINAL TWO:
Robert says that if Lisa marries Hank, she’s making a mistake. They showed the clip of him telling Lisa’s dad that Hank has hate in his eyes like he never saw. Ummmm Robert, that wasn’t a look of hate. It was a look of disbelief at your delusions.
Hank said that Robert is calculating and playing the laughter vote.
We then saw clips of the two having a final meeting with Lisa. Robert told Lisa that he would honor America’s wishes if he were picked. I think I detected a shudder from Lisa. Hank asked Lisa if she was glad she signed up for CUPID and she told him that if she came away from the show with him, then it was worth it. AWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
THE WEDDING DRESS:
We get to see Lisa shopping for a wedding dress. As she tries on different dresses, Laura and Kim stand by criticizing each choice. They each have on the gaudiest wedding accessories ever. Silly girls.
THE MOMENT OF TRUTH:
America's choice for Lisa is …. HANK! WOOHOO! Bye Bye Robert! In honor of all the bad raps he got (and bad raps he gave) I'll send Robert off with a little tune ….
(sung to the tune "Cleaning Out My Closet" by Eminem)
"We're sorry, Robert
We never meant to hurt you
We never meant to make you cry
but tonight, it's time to break your arrow
We're sorry Robert
You really are a creepy guy
it's time to kiss Lisa's ass goodbye
cause tonight, it's time to break your arrow"
The audience cheers for Hank and Lisa runs up on stage to hug him.
They cut to a commercial so they can prepare the stage for a wedding. The only reason I'm mentioning this particular commercial break is because they showed that damn Mitsubishi car commercial with that freaky girl going into convulsions in the front seat of the car. I HATE THAT COMMERCIAL and thought it was over with long ago. However, after seeing it, I realize that perhaps Rob did his little quivering jitter dance in hopes of landing a Mitsubishi car commercial deal.
Back to the show. The stage is decorated and looks really cheap. They have a minister set up at the front and Hank is standing by. Lisa and her father come out on stage, her dad says some nice things to Hank, then hands Lisa over to him for marriage.
The reverend starts the wedding ceremony and I was disturbed to see that Hank kept leaning over and saying things to Lisa. Thinking there was really going to be a wedding, I thought it was rude of him but now, in hindsight, I guess he was yapping cause he knew there wasn't going to be a wedding. Anyway, when Hank is asked if he will take Lisa to be his wife, he looks at Lisa and says he won't marry her, for now. He wants her to be able to plan her own wedding, flowers, everything and wants them to have it in private. He also doesn't want to cheapen it by taking the money. Lisa wasn't surprised. Spike then gets all snippy and asks them whether they cheated America by not going through with the wedding and Lisa says that she found the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with and she's happy. As Swami posted, Spike should have taken the high road (like his hair) and ended the show on a happy note. The whole thing was rushed and confusing and slightly disappointing. I will say I'm happy that there was no wedding (remember Darva Conger and that freaky guy?). Was a classy thing to not take the money. I do agree with CupidCruiser (*waves* to CupidCruiser) when she said that Hank should have let Lisa be the one to say no.
Spike ends the show by saying goodnight and says "See you next season". Hmmmmm will there be a next season? Will Robert be brought back for Cupid II?
Here's our happy couple. I wish them all the best and hope it works out.
That's it folks. Thanks so much for reading my summaries. It was lots of fun, especially being a tag-team summary partner with Swami. I want to thank everyone on this Forum for making this show so much fun to watch.
*Yay ... Survivor's on tonight*