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"Final 5 (July 31)"
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Cathy the Canadian 599 desperate attention whore postings
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07-31-07, 06:48 PM (EST)
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"Final 5 (July 31)"
Who goes home this week?

Sam - American Hoe
Zach - The Bonus Feature
Andrew - Keep off Grass
Jason - Old Home Boyz
Adam - Girl Trouble
Will - Unplugged.

I think the consensus is that Sam had the worst film of the night. But Zach's was also lackluster - could we have an upset this week?

Who gets the most votes, and gets to have Jerry O'Connel in their film as a reward? Jason's was well liked, as was Wills. Adam's was also very cute - it's a toss up!

So, are we ready for FIVE car commercials?....

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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: Final 5 (July 31) cahaya 07-31-07 1
   RE: Final 5 (July 31) Sunny_Bunny 07-31-07 2
 This week's films... Cathy the Canadian 07-31-07 3
   RE: This week's films... cahaya 07-31-07 4
       RE: This week's films... mistyrose52 08-01-07 5
   RE: This week's films... Chez 08-01-07 7
 RE: Final 5 (July 31) Loree 08-01-07 6
 RE: Final 5 (July 31) cahaya 08-01-07 8
   RE: Final 5 (July 31) Sunny_Bunny 08-01-07 9
       I'm all for Reality mattben 08-01-07 10
       RE: Final 5 (July 31) cahaya 08-01-07 11
           RE: Final 5 (July 31) Sunny_Bunny 08-01-07 12
               RE: Final 5 (July 31) Silvergirl1 08-02-07 13
                   RE: Final 5 (July 31) cahaya 08-02-07 14
                   RE: Final 5 (July 31) Sunny_Bunny 08-02-07 15

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cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
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07-31-07, 08:00 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Final 5 (July 31)"
Well, a scared Zach and ponderous Andrew are the bottom two vote getters... and Andrew goes home. Jason, on the other hand, got the most votes. Somewhat surprising.

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Sunny_Bunny 5581 desperate attention whore postings
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07-31-07, 08:19 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Final 5 (July 31)"
LAST EDITED ON 07-31-07 AT 08:20 PM (EST)

nice to know that the Bunny predictor is once again perfect in its picking the wrong films.

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Cathy the Canadian 599 desperate attention whore postings
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07-31-07, 08:46 PM (EST)
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3. "This week's films..."
Zach - The Bonus Feature Two
Will - Road Rage 101
Sam - Backseat driving Test
Jason - The Move
Adam - Driving Under the Influence

I thought guest judge Gary Ross (Pleasantville) was good - poor Penny Marshal ended up repeating everything he said. I never really noticed just how alike Penny and Garry Marshal are until now.

Adam was clearly the judges favorite. Jason seems untouchable, despite lukewarm comments. Will and Zach both did fairly well. It doesn't look good for Sam next week...

And next week we can look forward to films with the logline - "a man wakes up in a dress, and can't remember why ..." so, will EVERYONE have him be recovering from a night of drinking? Who will think outside the box? Hmmmm. Should be interesting!

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cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
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07-31-07, 10:06 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: This week's films..."
LAST EDITED ON 07-31-07 AT 10:08 PM (EST)

And next week we can look forward to films with the logline - "a man wakes up in a dress, and can't remember why ..."

And in a typical Adrianna Costa clueless moment she adds a comment that went something like "we never remember what happened the night before. It happens every night."

With no applause or laughter from the audience, I could imagine the audience and viewers collectively thinking, "Yeah, right, Adrianna. For you and that poor guy who spent the night with you, that's probably true."

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mistyrose52 795 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-07, 10:18 AM (EST)
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5. "RE: This week's films..."
Last night was a real snooze fest for me! I was almost embarrased to be watching this when my husband came into the room. Talk about lame clips, and even lamer juding!!

Penny Marshall-is she losing it or what? And we thought Paula was bad! At least Paula is pretty nice to look at! No offense, Penny, but wow, wake up and drink some coffee, do some back ground checks or SOMEthing before you go on a show you obviously know little about! So what if you are friends with Rosie and Madonna-sure doesn't get you points as a judge in this genre-not in MY book, anyway. And how rude was she to the guest judge, anyway???

I thought Sam's 'Driving Under the Influence' was the only one not worthy of the garbage bin. Just MY opinion. At least he's the only one I actually GOT, laughed at, and enjoyed for the entire-is it one or TWO minutes? I forget, it gets so painful at times.

And what the heck was Jason's clip about anyway? Anyone, besides Penny's mumbling, which I barely understood, get that? If I had been a judge, he would be walking on very thin ice.

All these guys disappoint me-they should be getting better, instead, they are getting much worse! Is it the themes, or are they just tired, worn out, or just don't have any more left in them??? Wait until you REALLY get to Hollywood, Baby!

As Gary Marshall said that Hector Ruiz said, that Ernest Hemmingway said.........whatever.

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Chez 670 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-07, 10:44 AM (EST)
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7. "RE: This week's films..."
And next week we can look forward to films with the logline - "a man wakes up in a dress, and can't remember why ..." so, will EVERYONE have him be recovering from a night of drinking? Who will think outside the box? Hmmmm. Should be interesting!

Idea:
A guy is helping his girlfriend (or better yet, his daughter) hem a dress she is making, by wearing it on a pedestal. he falls off and hits his head.

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Loree 8616 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-07, 10:36 AM (EST)
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6. "RE: Final 5 (July 31)"
I would be happy to see a night with no more vehicles in the movies. I think I am getting sick of the cars.

I liked Zach's the best. Better than his last week. But even his wasn't great. I was underwhelmed by all of them.

And I think Jason is going to win this no matter what he does. He seems to have a strong fan base the others can't touch. He could do terrible and get bad feedback and still get the most votes. I feel like this is over already and we are just watching to see what order the others leave before Jason wins.

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cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-07, 01:54 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: Final 5 (July 31)"
LAST EDITED ON 08-01-07 AT 08:05 PM (EST)

What a motley collection of judges tonight. Penny Marshall, looking like a '60's hippie commune graduate, sits in for Gary, along with guest director Gary Ross. As for Antonella, I posted the only worthy comment about her earlier in this thread. Now, on with the review...

Nobody really stood out tonight, and for it being "Road Night", we didn't get much in the way of vehicular excitement or even good old American car driving nostalgia. Rather, we're treated with Ford tough trucks stuck in our way, getting stuck in traffic jams, getting stuck with back seat drivers, and getting stuck with cars which have a personality of their own. Which about describes this season of On the Lot - getting stuck.

Driving Under the Influence by Adam: A desperate owner manages to unload his car on an unwitting buyer, who promptly drives off with it and tries out the car stereo. True to life, this car stereo sets the driver and anyone else around it into a dancing frenzy. As the guy switches stations, the in-car at-wheel dancing style matches the music, ranging from rap to screaming thrash rock. A lady cop in a cruiser notices the erratic driving and pulls the guy over. Then he surreptiously turns the stereo on to distract the lady cop and gets away, only to bump into an unscratchable "Ford tough" truck (which we'll see again) and get stopped again somewhere on the bad side of town. After banging on the stereo a few times, it works and the whole neighborhood and the cop go into some kind of dance-musical frenzy, with the choreography still below dress rehearsal standards. Just as the music ends, the cop is in the guy's arms and then he smothers her with a solid smooch. It's time to add battery and felony sexual assault to the rap sheet, folks. Not a bad clip, with a good concept and fairly good execution apart from the final dance scene and the ending kiss which seemed to be out of place. (**1/2)

Backseat Driving Test by Sam: With mom, kid and driving instructor as the main characters, the kid wants to take a driving test but can't stand mom's backseat driving. The instructor takes mom for a spin on the course, which shocks her into catatonic silence. Nice piece of work there, although the stunts are so-so even by Dukes of Hazzard standards. Now the kid gets the wheel and mom is satisfyingly silent. But the kid gets distracted, almost runs down an oncoming nun on a bicycle, and then goes flying into a higher-scoring Dukes flight and landing. Nope there's no Daisy standing there to clap her hands for him, but instead mom wakes up from her catatonia and congratulates her son. I'm not sure I understood this clip, but in terms of stunts and characterization, it was kind of ho-hum like the engine of the car. (**1/2)

Bonus Feature Two by Zach: Zach falters again this week, trying to make up for his mistakes of last week. We're in the same car, with the same characters, going to that Paradise from the last DVD from the previous episode. Somehow, Back to the Future meets Captain Hook, soon to be treated with a Return of the Jedi laser-rifle pick-up and delivery. The swordplay with the pirates was hokey, and where we expected at least some ketchup for blood, we get nothing. The guy and girl fend off the pirates at first, but get overwhelmed. The girl manages to escape into the car, warp-speeds into a Lucas film and comes back with the las-rifle, promptly blasting the pirates. We're not told if it's on stun or kill mode. The guy and gal decide to leave and return to the bliss of the original year they came from. And then, predictably, they kiss at the end. Let's put it this way. I can't think of a single sequel to a lame (or even a good) original that did better than the original, and again Zach showed why. Although this clip could stand on its own, it was mediocre at best. Kids might have half-way liked it except for the smoochy cootchy at the end. (**)

The Move by Jason: Jason is given an extra advantage of having Jerry O'Connell as his lead actor by virtue of having the most votes last week. And he blew it. A guy loads up his Ford (yes, Ford, logo and all) pick-up (ok, is it an F-150 or 250?) with his possessions and by all appearances he's moving out from the old place for good. As he and his helpful friend talk about it, he's having second thoughts and wants to turn around. Instead, he pulls over and dumps all the furniture in some roadside grove of trees. Then, oddly enough, he grabs a pen, disappears for a while where the stuff is presumably sitting and comes back. Then he drives off. The last shot of the clip is of an Asian guy waking up on a couch in a virtual living room on a dusty dirt floor in the middle of a copse of trees. Cut. What? Wait. Oh, I get it, that young Asian guy must be his adopted son and he's being kicked out of the house. I think. Maybe. Let me think about it. Nah, forget it. It's time for the next clip already. (*1/2)

Road Rage 101 by Will: Stuck in a traffic jam due to some construction or something going on, a guy sits in his car. His impatience soon grows into irritation, then anger, and then early stages of the road rage syndrome. He starts smacking his car around, making you wonder if there isn't a restraint order out on him as a result of his ex-spouse or ex-gf. Unlike the meek ex, though, this car decides to fight back, turning off the air-conditioner, toying with the radio, and eventually going into gear and smacking into the back of an unscratchable "Ford tough" truck (deja vu). The Ford guy hops out and promptly beats the guy up after the car opens up the sunroof so the Ford guy can get to him. Ok, that makes it official. Ford trucks are for rednecks. I forgot to look to see if there was a shotgun and rifle slung over the cab window, along with the Bud sticker and Bush sticker on the bumper. The guy in the car finally gets it and starts repeating "I love my car, I love my car...". Too late, buddy, the ex has already filed the divorce papers. Just count yourself lucky it wasn't Carrie Christine you were beating up on. (**1/2)

In summary, mediocre clips all around without a clear winner. Even now, I can't pick a favorite. Maybe Adam's was the best, but I'm not into jumbled street dance scenes. Sam did ok, but I hate backseat drivers, anyway. Zach repeated his flop and he is clearly in danger of elimination since he was almost out last week. The road rage didn't make my blood pressure rise at all. With a plot hole the size of an F-250 pickup bed, that leaves Jason as the next one who should go out, but won't. This week, I won't even try to predict what I see as a random toss-up.


A Sharnina Production

ed. Freudian slip there between Carrie and Christine, noticed only after SunnyBunny's post.

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Sunny_Bunny 5581 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-07, 05:20 PM (EST)
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9. "RE: Final 5 (July 31)"
LAST EDITED ON 08-01-07 AT 05:21 PM (EST)

Welcome to the death throes of On The Lot. Again, only 1.7 households tuned in, and if last nights films were any indication, next week we could very well see that figure drop to 1.0 or below. Sigh.

Production wise, what were they thinking? Penny Marshal may be a working director, but how the devil do the crew and actors understand anything she says? She brings mumbling to a whole new level – and what we could make out made no sense at all. And all I have to say about porn star Barbie is that her dresser is true to her “vision:” The hemlines go up or down depending on the neckline of the dress.

As for the films: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! The Bunny Predictor doesn’t care WHO goes next week, because if I had my way they would ALL be cut. They were all equally uninspired, unimaginative, and nothing but junky Ford commercials that I don’t believe the CEO of Ford would pass into commericaldom. My movie date didn’t walk out on me, but he kept dozing off, waking up long enough to try and start a debate on whether or not The Costa’s breasts were real or fake.

So, it has been a real task trying to come up with a snarky movie review worthy of posting with Ebert. If you would rather not read on past this point, believe me I totally understand.

1. Road Rage by Will: Our over worked driver is sitting in a totally fabricated traffic jam that doesn’t look the least bit realistic. He’s caught in what appears to be roadwork on a one-way street with no apparent detour. He’s already upset at the wait when some old woman honks at him, and his radio keeps tuning itself to some self-hypnosis drivel. He snaps, smacking the car around to the point where the car decides to fight back. It refuses to turn on the air conditioning, rear ends the car in front of it, and allows the driver of the poor, defenseless, injured Ford to promptly beat the carp out of him. He then begins to realize that his car needs love, tells it that he’s sorry, and miracle of miracles! The a/c comes back on, and the cars in front of him part like the Red Sea.

You know, when Steven King wrote Christine, she killed anyone who even looked at her sideways. She would have asphyxiated the driver in this film, and run down the director.

2. Driving Under the Influence by Adam: There is an old adage that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. The protagonist in this film totally ignores that advice, and buys a car in a back alley from an old guy so desperate for freedom that he almost gives the car away. As our doofus drives off, he can’t resist the urge to turn on the radio the old guy warned him about, and begins dancing in his car. He can’t resist it. Really. He can’t. This makes him drive so erratically that a female cop pulls him over. Our doofus, upstanding citizen that he is, decides to turn on the radio assuming that the cop would be unable to resist the music as well. He makes a get away, but since he obviously never learned to drive, he hits a car. He can’t get away, but decides that he will dance the blues/ticket/jail time away. Much flailing and jerking ensues, because this ain’t no SYTYCD Mia Michaels routine. It was here that the film really fell apart, because while he kissed the cop, there was really no resolution to the story; unless of course, you add the added sexual assault charge.

3. Backseat Driver Test by Sam: A guy who looks old enough to be classified as one of “those” guys who live in their parents basement is tired of driving Miss Daisy around because she incessantly tells him about every road sign, signal, turn, pothole, small child, speed limit, train whistle … you get the idea. He hires a “backseat driver” therapist who he hopes will give his mother a lifetime supply of Prozac. Since this is a family show, the therapist offers to “desensitize” mom for a minimal price instead. A horrific car ride ensues with mom in the back seat, seconds away from a massive coronary. When Jr. starts to drive her home, he narrowly misses hitting a nun on a bicycle and ends up driving up a conveniently located ramp and going airborne ala Thelma and Louise. Mom then smiles, and asks “Can we do that again?” That line was the best moment of the film.

4. The Move by Jason: Jason’s geezer romance was deemed the best movie of last week. For his prize he got Jerry O’connell as the featured actor in this weeks movie. He then gave Jerry a chance to emote like crazy by “letting the actor do his thing” and came up with a story so steeped in misdirection that the audience en masse cocked their heads like cocker spaniels and said “huh?” at the end. Two friends appear to be moving Jerry’s stuff out of his house to another location. As they drive, there is much gnashing of teeth as to whether the friend is doing the right thing. They pull off in a wooded area, unload the stuff and write something with a magic marker. They pull away as a third guy’s head pops up, who mumbles something about “not again” then goes right back to sleep in the “room” the friends fixed up for him in the forest. Was this a prank? A last ditch attempt to get rid of an unwanted houseguest? Most think prank – but the set up was so bad, and the punch line so weak, we will never know.

5. Bonus Feature 2 by Zack: Ok, quick quiz. You make a film the week before that is nothing more than a plea for a Dreamworks job by the shows well-known producer. America votes, and tells you that you are a DAW of the highest magnitude, and a tush - kissing DAW at that. What do you do?

A. Come up with something original and new
B. Come up with something done before but with a new twist
C. Continue with the same story that almost got you cut last week, but add PIRATES to kiss the tush of the other producer of this show.

I’m not even going to bother retelling this story. I think the last thing Burnett (and the rest of us) wants to think about these days, is pirates.

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mattben 1265 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-07, 05:58 PM (EST)
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10. "I'm all for Reality"
great summary, Sunny_Bunny, but I'm tired out of fake reality shows.

What's next?

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cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-07, 08:16 PM (EST)
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11. "RE: Final 5 (July 31)"
Nicely done, picking up some details I missed. I love your style. I was in kind of a blur throughout the show, but that's normal. And thanks for catching that Christine (instead of - oops - Carrie) reference.

Don't even get me started on pirates... that right there cost Zach half a star in my books.


Piracy on the high seas and flying of the Jolly Roger by agman

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Sunny_Bunny 5581 desperate attention whore postings
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08-01-07, 09:18 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: Final 5 (July 31)"
And thanks for catching that Christine (instead of - oops - Carrie) reference.

I'm so blushing, because I read your summary after I posted mine. LOL

It's amazing how much we think alike!

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08-02-07, 06:32 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: Final 5 (July 31)"

I enjoyed reading both of your summaries, so thank you.

I think the guy who was left in the forest had "Happy Birthday" written on his head, and therefore, I figured it was a birthday prank. Since he said, "Not again.", I thought it was something that happened every year for his birthday.

Penny Marshall was so hard to understand that the closed captioner gave up trying to caption her. I am not deaf, but have a hard time understanding people without the captioning. I gave up on Penny. I hope they bring back Gary next week.

I did expect more from this show that what I have seen so far. I'm still hopeful for some reason. Maybe it's just hard to make a good film in the time they have allotted to them.



A 2007 Sharnina original


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cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-07, 08:06 PM (EST)
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14. "RE: Final 5 (July 31)"
Thanks for your kind words about the summaries. I enjoy writing them, even more so as a tag-along with Sunny Bunny.

You're right it about it being a birthday prank, which I'm not sure everyone watching the clip got, at least not at first. Yup, the guy had "Happy Birthday" scrawled on his forehead (which I noticed but wondered about, since the guy himself wouldn't be able to read it), and his "Not again" (to what, I wondered again) comment. We're never introduced to the guy, and his appearance is a complete surprise (who's he, I wondered). We're also left to wonder why he didn't wake up during the move or the trip in the back of the pickup, which can't be that quiet. After (count them) four I-wonder moments in the span of the clip's final few seconds, it's confusing! Only after a lot of thought, we might figure out who this guy is and what he's doing there.

This show has potential, even though it's quite a challenge for the aspiring directors to come up with a cohesive story and clip lasting just three minutes. Unfortunately, there isn't just that large of a niche audience (like us) for it.


A Sharnina Production

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Sunny_Bunny 5581 desperate attention whore postings
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08-02-07, 09:10 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: Final 5 (July 31)"
Thanks so much, Silver. I enjoy doing the summaries, although I thought I was tagging along with Cahaya. LOL

This show had such a great premise, and Ra and I were so looking forward to it. It's a real shame that the production had so many problems that it tanked in the ratings.

I hope that the next time Gary Marshal is busy, they call someone other than Penny. She was the worst. judge. ever. They definitely need to empty the bar in the green room from now on.

I so didn't get the guy in the forest film. I just made no sense. They are still debating "prank vs. houseguest" over at the official OTL boards!


Summer Sharina fun!

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