I’m back...but only for a short while. Heading out-of-state AGAIN tomorrow. I did catch up on the episodes but have not had a chance to read the posts on this board; won’t be able to until I return on Sunday. But wanted to post several “pieces of my mind” from the past three episodes.

I hate the fact that seven of the final 13 were immune from the boot. At that point in the game EVERYONE should feel vulnerable at TC.

Katurah had the easiest decision of the season picking which team to win the only challenge in Ep. 6. With the inevitable outcome, the ADS went into motion and Kaleb was dead man walking.

I thought for sure this was the episode we’d be waving bye-bye to THE Sifu and his silly hairdo. Unfortunately, THE Sifu landed on the right team, so we’ll have to put up with his jacka$$ antics for at least one more episode.

With the SITD being a one-in-six chance for safety, I’m a bit surprised we witnessed only the second “safe” in Survivor history. That’s what happened with Kaleb.
CONSPIRACY UPDATE
To continue the good international relations between USA and Canada, Production “rigged” the outcome for Kaleb to be “safe.” * SNORT *

J-Maya is a blooming idiot. Everyone (including Kaleb) knew Kaleb was dead meat. It should have been blatantly obvious he’d play an idol/advantage if he had one. And if not, he would play his SITD. With that certainty, coupled with his obvious attack targeting her at TC, WRITE ANOTHER NAME!!! But no...this bubblehead makes it a unanimous vote. J-Maya deserved the boot for nothing more than that oversight.

Speaking of oversight...
Earlier this season, Emily was darn near handed a MENSA application for being able to count to four. I can now understand that considering no one is capable of counting to 11, otherwise they would have realized a vote (Austin) was not cast. Any more proof how Production’s “best department” sucks?

Final 12 and the merge is official...
Yet, we still get a random draw two team challenge even though it is an “individual” competition. As critical as I am about recycled challenges, the hang-until-you-drop is a formidable contest. Kudos to Dee and Kellie for winning immunities. You go girls!

Dee’s BIG big toe catapulted her to grand winner status awarding her, and her team, a trip to the Sanctuary. Actually, I did notice Dee pressing her lips on the pole a couple times. That could have been grounds for disqualification since her T-Rex mouth/lips would equate to unfair extra suction. But Production let it sly.

We will have TWO upcoming TCs. A double elimination. The difference is the bootee from the second group, thanks to grand winner Dee, will be the first juror.

The TC with Kellie wearing the IN was about as predictable as it got. What was also predictable is THE SiFu’s meager attempt at self-preservation thinking he was voted out as the biggest threat. That claim was more ridiculous that his machete air guitar playing antics. Sure, THE Sifu was the largest competitor, but that really doesn’t mean any advantage in the challenges. Even the challenges geared toward strength is in proportion to each individual’s body weight. And there’s been nothing beneath his cone-headed mohawk that would indicate to me he’s a ringer with puzzles. Just another delusional player who is a legend in his own mind. Thank goodness we are spared the possibility of dealing with his ridiculous behavior on the Jury.

The ADS made Kaleb the odds-on-favorite to be the second boot in Ep. 7. But Jake offered a glimmer of hope. Personally, I agree with Jake to keep Kaleb as a meat shield as you go deeper into the game. Apparently, all the others appropriately assessed Kaleb as the power player he is and decided to cut him loose. Sadly, we lost by far the best player this season.

Episode 8 was easily the best episode thus far by a longshot. The return of the Survivor Auction! The “best department” in Production is NOT casting; it’s those who came up with the new auction rules...starting with the bamboo-money scavenger hunt.

Bruce solidified his jacka$$ status approaching the hunt like a walk in the park. Not even a barefoot walk in the park...he wasted additional precious time putting on his shoes.

Bruce did retrieve one bamboo for $80. Since all the other money totals were NOT divisible by 80, it was apparent not all bamboos contained the same amount of money. More fodder for the conspiracy theorists. * SNORT *

Although it must have eaten Production from the inside/out, kudos for not having any advantages in the auction; only food items. Also, a clever twist that the one holding the most money at the end of the auction, based on a numbered token randomly selected by Jeff, would lose their vote at next TC.
CONSPIRACY UPDATE
The token Jeff drew for the number of items was predetermined. * SNORT *

Kendra Kleavage was obnoxiously ecstatic when holding the money she retrieved for the auction. You’d think it was the most money she ever held. I doubt that; if she displays as much cleavage behind the bar as she shows off each week in front of millions of viewers, she undoubtedly makes much more in tips for one evening than what we saw her holding.

Speaking of Kendra Kleavage, she was the highest bidder to start off the auction for item #1.
CONSPIRACY UPDATE
The castaway whose profession is “Bartender” wins a mug of beer and a bowl of pretzels. * SNORT *

During the auction (in Emily’s own words) we got to see the “REAL Emily.” I guess the REAL Emily might give you a lap dance for salami & cheese? Where were girls like THAT when I was dating???

Poor Katurah got nailed with the boobie prize. Not “boobie” as in Kendra’s pair, but a pair of the biggest fisheyes I’ve ever seen. They must have been plucked out from a humpback whale. She passed, but Austin coughed up $100 for them. He was content with $50 worth impressively taking a bite out of one eye.

Austin followed this up by winning the next item...the lamest slice of pizza ever baked. The pepperoni literally fell off the slice because the cheese had not melted properly. The only thing that could have made it worse is if he squeezed the residue from the other fisheye over the slice as an extra topping.

Also nauseating, is the chocolate cake won by Jake with six hands diving into the cake after living over two weeks with less than hygienic conditions. Whereas I can understand the hunger factor...I can also understand not seeing a single sheet of toilet paper during the game.

The last item was won by Kellie, who proclaimed as she was sipping her margarita, this was like being on “vacation.” Little did she know “check-out” for her was in 24 hours. LOL

A total of ten items were auctioned based on the token Jeff selected. Since every initial bid was over $80, Bruce was left with the most money and lost his vote in the next TC.

Another recycled IC. Who can hold their weight the longest. I like the fact the weight is 1/3 pre-game weight for each player making it fairer. But there’s a twist...if four players volunteer to sit out, a large bag of rice will be awarded to all to tie them over for the remainder of the game.

Dee and Emily immediately volunteer. Everyone else deliberates. Jeff will have none of that. He sticks a knife in the bag and for as long as these indecisive bobos mull over the decision, precious rice slips away. Within seconds Drew jumps forward. Katurah reluctantly volunteers to be the fourth. The other six will compete for immunity.

It evolved into a two-person showdown between Mama J and Bruce—the two OLDEST competitors. Maybe, just maybe, it might convince CBS to address its age discrimination when casting? Don’t bet on it...I’ll believe that when I see it.

Even though I was cheering for Mama J to pull out the victory, in the end, Bruce’s kick-a$$ effort earns him immunity!
CONSPIRACY UPDATE
The last two bootees were black. The prospect of three in a row instilled too much fear factor with the prospect of the Rev. Al Sharpton organizing a demonstration outside CBS studio in NYC. Consequently, Bruce was holding up weight much less than 1/3 of his body weight to ensure his victory. * SNORT *

With six females and four males remaining, the prospect of an all-girl alliance was discussed by the women. Silly girls...any Survivor fan knows the only time an all-girl alliance held up was when the season theme revolved around the “Battle of the Sexes” separating the castaways by gender on day one.

In no time at all, the sledgehammer came crashing down on yet another all-girl alliance thanks to Emily who spilled the beans to Drew. With her last name Flippen should we be surprised? All kidding aside, I don’t blame her. She had good reason to feel she was #6 in the alliance. Living up to her name “Flippen,” she more than likely improved her position sticking with Drew/Austin.

Prior to the flip, Jake was most at risk. But that would not sit well in Drew’s kingdom. With this newfound knowledge, King Drew was determined to round up enough of his royal subjects to blindside Kellie. Would it work? We’ll find out at TC.

At TC, Jake kicked it off with his opening words. As an attorney, you’d think we’d hear a well-structured and articulate statement. Nothing could be further from the truth. His brain had more farts than the classic “baked beans” scene in the movie Blazing Saddles. And he’s a lawyer?! Jeff was congenial giving him all the time he needed to regroup. Hey Jake, don’t count on the same compassion from a Judge on the bench.

Jake appropriately decided to play his SITD. Unlike the player he stuck his neck out for, he was “Not Safe.” As the first three votes were for Jake, he begins to slowly accept his fate...but not so fast! When Kellie’s name appears, we see a Kendra Kleavage jaw-drop on Jake’s face. Had Jake worn a long-haired curly wig and stuck a fake mole on his chin, you’d swear it was Kendra—from the neck up.

As Kellie began to realize the reversal of fortune, she turned to Austin for answers. Austin’s nod confirmed the blindside.

Jake’s mouth still remains open...

Kellie is so disoriented from the blind side, she initially forgets to bring her torch to Jeff. This was certainly a blind side for the ages.

Jake’s mouth still remains open...

Kendra Kleavage is bawling her eyes out and she didn’t even receive a single vote. If she gets booted before FTC, we may have a squonk sighting.

Jake’s mouth still remains open...

Back during the last Journey with J-Maya, Kelle, and Austin, he was do disheartened over not partaking in food, Austin vowed vengeance by eventually turning his amulet into a full-fledged II good up to the F5. Mission accomplished. Good for him. Austin now has TWO II up to the F5.

Jake’s mouth still remains open...

At that point, Kellie could have narced Austin out and let everyone know he now has that II. I give her props for her sportsmanship and not taking the Bitter Betty road.

Jake’s mouth still remains open...

The remaining nine grab their torches and head back.

Jake’s mouth still remains open...

NTOS
I presume Jake FINALLY closes his mouth.
Three players will lose their votes at the next TC.
Whatever other twists Production may throw at us, this episode will be tough to beat.

Didn’t think I’d post this much even though I probably left out quite a bit. As least I gave you something to chew on before I get back into the swing after this weekend.