LAST EDITED ON 05-26-23 AT 10:45 PM (EST)

After a long schedule of pre-season games, the Fiji Va Vas are finally at the end of training camp. Coach Probst is happy with most of his roster but he needs one more player to have a full team. It comes down to :

Yam Yam: If you want to not find a puck, ask me

Heidi : that puck will put a target on your back. I have no regrets I am loving every second of being in F5, grabbing and shooting a puck will be a major game changer

Carolyn : I have a good feeling, this game has been about trusting my gut, they trust me cause because they see I am being myself...

Carson : Pucks scare me, my game hasn’t been around pucks, I’ve been on the right side of the vote every time...

Lauren : I'm on the outs blindsided by the vote. I never gave up could be the difference of winning a million or not, so I need to break that bond of the three

Carolyn and Carson talk about the three stooges

Ok, we’ve had some great nicknames for trios before: The Scooter line, The Boran Boys, The French Connection, The Happy Chappies but the 3 Stooges? For a pro league?

Lauren tells Heidi and Yam Yam that Carson can beat them, «he can win this game, everyone loves him, he’s everyones little brother. »

Carolyn : Carson is 100% loyal to me, but now it's the end game, he is the biggest threat, so articulate, the sweetie pie, he would win

Carson and Lauren talk they think that they are the two boot candidates

Carson thinks that they all are gunning for him, he has to worry about Yam Yam and Carolyn the most for flipping.

Coach Probst takes his 5 undrafted free agents to his arena

Ok, this wasn’t the best season for our scouting department but these remaining 5 could all be fan favorites.

They must demonstrate their physical abilities and mental strength so, of course, after a promising start Carolyne falls behind.

She’s the coaches favorite so Probst yells: « Come on Carolyne, dig deep. »

Heidi and Carson take the early lead and despite some pushes by the other three, these two attack the puzzle first. Having practiced this type of puzzle by using all of NASA supercomputers and some highly classified, highly secret AI technologies, Carson quickly circles the problem then fits in the center pieces.

Carson wins the first round and forces Coach Probst to snuff the chances of one of the other 4. It won’t be Carson tonight.

And despite Yam Yam’s sudden change of heart, it won’t be Probst’s favorite Carolyne either.

Since the day’s work is done, the 2 boys decide to go out for a nice evening of spaghetti and wine.

Staying behind in the stanky locker room, the three women plot against Yam Yam who seems to get a standing ovation from the peanut gallery every time he touches his beard and pitches his voice in a high squeal.
Finally, the players decide to look for a puck. It's right their in their own zone and SeeBS has even used the old Fox trick to help short-sighted Americans to spot the puck: There's a light shining right on it but still these players can't find it much less defend against it or make a play with it.

It’s soon time to reduce the line up again so Coach Probst asks for his scouts’ votes. They are undecided; one saying Heidi, another Yam Yam and the others wanting Lauren out.

Now that he’s not only coach but also General Manager, Probst doesn’t hesitate and tells Lauren to take her equipment and get the hell out of his sight.

Next morning, we see that Probst is not only Coach, GM but also Survivor Deity as he’s managed to play with time itself: One minute it’s darkness all around, the next it’s already time to get back to work.

I’m sure some of the new crowd of fans are happy to go directly to the next challenge but Survivor is about sharing the players’ intimacy, not their smelly gym shorts or even less about seeing Probst’s ugly face every two minutes.

Anyway, this challenge is all about puck handling ability: A machine will be shooting pucks at them left and right and they have to handle that puck and put it in the small top shelf opening.

The players are confortable until the game speeds up around the end of the 3rd period. Carolyne lets a puck go right through the 5-hole,her glove must have had a hole. Yam Yam misses a quick one-timer from the slot. Carson’s NASA laser isn’t properly calibrated.

Heidi wins the next to last competition.

Back in the team’s facilities, Coach Probst tells Heidi that she has finally impressed him a bit. He adds that Carolyn will be safe from tonight’s cut because that’s what the recruiting department demands.

GM Probst gives Heidi one more choice : Either she thinks she’s done enough to earn the million dollar contract from the team and wants to sit with Carolyne waiting for tomorrow’s final decision or she confronts Carson in a final showdown in place of Yam Yam.

Heidi doesn’t want to finish 2nd, 3rd or 4th so she goes for the gutsy move and chooses to make fire against Carson.

Survivor God Probst starts drooling: “This will show how far people will go for my glory.”

Carson has practiced every damn puzzle and task possible using advanced NASA technology for his own purpose (I think some FBI agents are looking to ask him a few questions about that when he comes back stateside.) so surely he’s proficient at Humanity’s most basic skill: Making Fire.

Apparently not. Just like cashiers these days don’t know how to count, it seems that NASA engineers can only make fire with lasers.

Heidi wins immunity from the cut of players while Carson will have to wait for another season to walk-on in hopes of making a squad.

Facing the group of Scouts, the assistant GM and GM Probst himself, the final trio goes through the final interviews.

If only franchises put more weight on these player interviews they wouldn’t be offering multi-million dollar contracts to young kids who are looking forward much more to partying with their hood brothers than sacrificing their health on the field.

Emotionally, the emotional trio emotes about their emotions.

Carolyne is the champion of emotions and she says it’s fine to play with emotions. Nothing helps more to score a goal than crying in the corner until the ref gives you a penalty for embellishing or for delaying the game.

The group of scouts sympathizes

Heidi is finally showing her emotions saying how it would be great to be the first 42 year old woman to make it as a rookie in this league.

The GM wonders if he’ll have to pay her Senior benefits before the end of her rookie contract.

Yam Yam says he used THEIR emotions to HIS advantage. He’d talk about their life, their kids, their parents and notice their facial expressions during these sincere exchanges, looking for that little gleam in their eyes. Then he’d compare those expressions to those on display during strategy talks. He could tell who was honest and who wasn’t.

That clinched it! GM Probst read the suggestions of each scout and assistant but his mind was made up : Yam Yam was a great player without the puck and that’s what teams are looking for these days. Pucks will go in the net more often by accident, such as after a lucky deviation, or a bad turnover, that there is no need for good puck handlers anymore. We need guys that will skate only in their lanes, grab any opponent skating by, slash him if he gets away or dive in front of his shot.

Yam Yam is the Sole Survivor for Va Va

Va means Go in French so Go, Go away please.