Do you remember the days when the very first spoiler we'd get of a new season was its location? The expert Spoiler for that category aptly named his site SurvivorMaps and before a season ended, he'd have put maps of where to expect the next season. He correctly nailed most seasons for the first 10 years of the show except of course for the late change from Jordan to Marquesas after 9/11. We don't have that joy anymore; Jiffy made a deal with the Fiji Tourist Agency: He gets a free beach side manor while we get to spend all our time in Fiji. OK, it's not the worst place in the world but it's starting to smell bad. Survivors aren't the cleanest people. Remember Kimmi!
This season would be Survivor Fiji #11 so you can understand why it's actually «Survivor No Name». I don't know about you but I find that No Name products are usually cheaper and much less tasty than Branded products. We can't say that this season is cheap in twists but it's certainly cheap in original ideas, cultural references and endearing characters.
Of course an exception to the No Name means Poor Quality rule is the Western «My Name is Nobody» a classic Spaghetti Western if there ever was one. The morale of that movie could be stated as follows: «The people who put you in deep sh*t don't always do it to hurt you and those who take you out of it aren't necessarily thinking of your good fortune. Mainly, when you are in a bad situation; Shut up.»
That lesson would have come handy in the latest Survivor episode.
I think this week's episode was titled: «Sympathy for the Devil»
It started with a recrap because there are so many advantages in play we need a scorecard just to keep track. So I'll hop on a little stand like they have at each ballpark and start selling: «Program, get your program here!»
I accept «Pay Pal» Interact payment and bitcoins.
So, here's today's scorecard:
- Hey! Gang, Dre and Linze share the 3-way Amulet extra vote-idol wannabe
-Old Mike, Dre and Merryanne all have the Beware Advantage Idol
- Dre and Merryanne each have an Extra vote
While poor Omer has No vote at next TC
And, in last week's TC, when it came time to vote, Vati decided that Chanel N°5 was smelling better than Daniel Skunk. It's rare that a vote is decided by smell but that's the new Survivor.
No need to applaud, it's my pleasure to remind people who have short memory.
Scene 1: B*tch
While Chanel N°5 is happy to have won the battle against Skunk, Old Mike wants to know why he got her vote. N°5 tried to explain that she feared a desperation play by Skunk or that he had teamed up with Old Mike but Old Mike still doesn't want to let it go. Hey! tried to rally the gang but their unifying hug was just for show.
Scene 2: Can't Get No (Satisfaction)
Ikea Day 12:
Rocksbrain is annoyed and the source of his irritation is a girl named Turmoil. She is always up his butt, asking him questions about his journey and his potential advantage. He doesn't trust her, she doesn't trust him. The perfect Survivor couple really but I don't think we'll see sparks. Overhearing this, Dre and Dobby agree that Turmoil is irritating and she has to go.
Well, it's season 42 so everyone knows that this whole set-up is only to fool the newbies and that Turmoil will survive the episode.
«You can't always get what you want»
It's already time for the Challenge but first... (wait are we watching Big Brother? No that is indeed Jiffy not that Chen woman)
...while the tribes are walking in, Probe breaks the 4th wall and talks to the audience as if we were in a secret alliance with him.
«Last season blah, blah blah, this season blah blah blah.»
It's a twist on the «Erika changes the game twist».
The announcement that Skunk was out of the game received very little reaction.
They reacted much more when, using his tired old formula, Probe orders them to drop their trousers... sorry I mean drop their buffs
(now that would have been a fun new twist!)
They are at the individual part of the game but there isn't a merge. Instead they will compete in teams for immunity and reward. The winners will earn the new buffs because they will have made the merger and they will get the reward. That gives Probe a chance to show us the audition tape he turned in when he wanted to become spokesperson for Applebee's. He didn't get the job but the chain will still honor their deal and pay lunch for the winners.
They didn't have to pay much for a national commercial in prime time (if Survivor is still considered as a prime time show and not filler by now)
The losers will have to compete in another challenge to get individual immunity and then face the vote.
Probe added the next twist: 2 will draw grey rocks and not compete in the challenge. Their faith will be decided by the winning team.
They pick rocks and every viewer suddenly gets a new super-power: We can read minds! The players are ALL thinking «What color rock does Goliath have and do I have the same one?»
Well Goliath picked Orange and so the Phillistines are Merryanne, Lydi, Hey! Gang and Turmoil.
Singing The Stray Cat Blues we have Old Mike, Chanel N°5, Dobby, Dre and Omer.
This leaves Linze and Rocksbrain with No Expectations
Now, for the challenge the teams have to take a big «Rolling Stone» (are you starting to see where I got the theme of this recrap?) from one end of a sand box to the other, collecting keys along the way and...wait, you won't believe how this challenge ends: Two players will have to complete a Survivor Logo puzzle. Wow! We've never seen anything like that before.
Remember when Survivor challenges were about Survival skills? If you do then you're old.
Here's another surprise for you: The Phillistines, with Goliath leading the way, won and we could tell that our host was getting a hard-on watching the exploits of his new Beast of Burden.
It was time to decide the faith or rather the short term future of Linze and Rocksbrain. The two are left Waiting on a Friend. So Orange, who is now Purple, huddled to make their decision. Turmoil seems to be leading the discussion; that can't be good for Rocksbrain, can it? Of course not. Linze who Ain't too proud to beg has a date at the Applebee's while Rocksbrain who has to go Back to Zero will be spending two days in Exile (but not exactly) on Main Street. He sees the idea of being able to change the game as Emotional Rescue
Good Times, Bad Times
Happy
Yes, the 6 were indeed happy (one even kissing her burger!). They didn't much care about Rocksbrain power. Goliath told us he thought of switching places but he needs food being used to eating 18 eggs just for breakfast.
Can you imagine how inflation is hurting him? He'll need the million just for this month's groceries.
Turmoil spilled the beans about her problems in Ikea and with Rockbrain in particular. She let it be known that she was ready to shop elsewhere than Ikea, making her a free agent.
Beggars' Banquet
Chanel N°5 and Dobby told us that they were starving but grateful for the little bag of rice. The lack of immunity bothered Chanel N°5 more than the food because she didn't come on Survivor to eat.
Well, who does? Ok Katie Gallagher actually gained weight in Palau but that's another story!
Showing that she is indeed a smart cookie, Dre guessed that Rocksbrain would have the power to say that the happy people don't have immunity but that this group has it instead. That got the group excited.
Left alone at the fire, Dre talked to Old Mike about his idol. They agreed to work together, Dre saying that Dobby and Rocksbrain are in her alliance. Old Mike said he had Hey! Gang and Lydi. They warned each other about Turmoil and Chanel N°5.
Start me Up
Alone in Exile, Rocksbrain contemplated his meager supplies: A pot, a machette and a small container of rice. He needed fire but for a long time, he couldn't start it up.
He noticed the hammer and the hourglass but it had no instructions so he brought it to his camp and moved on to the next basic need: Gimme Shelter
With that done, he decided to explore Fiji: He went up the same hill that Earl had climbed during episode 1 of the original Fiji. Not only that but he received the same airplane camera shot that pretty much told everyone watching that Earl would win Fiji. So, the question is: Will Rocksbrain be the next «King of Fiji»?
Worried about You
Day 12 marked the reunion of the 11 people that weren't exiled. Omer remarked that there could have been 3 groups of 4 but it wasn't the case at all. He felt alone but was ready to be like a shark and jump out of the ocean to eat some of these people when the time is right.
Linze wanted to reconnect with Hey! and Dre and see what they wanted to do with their amulets.
Merryanne was happy of course because she had power and allies who were exposing their plans to her.
An alliance of big guys between Goliath and Old Mike soon developed into an alliance of Big Dummies. Old Mike was hoping the Big Dummies could go to the end for once.
Day 13
It was time to hunt for crabs which gave Goliath another chance to shine. Hey! and Lydi were raving about him, saying he was saving them from starvation.
Hey! and Dobby connected as members of the LGBT community. (aren't there more letters now?) He said that it's impossible to hide on Survivor (well, have you tried building a spyshack?!) so he wondered how part of his family who didn't know about him would react.
You work in beauty pageants and you have a distinct way of dressing so I think most people know already. It's not rare that a Survivor is the last to know.
Omer only found out about losing his vote by talking to Hey! who knew Chanel N°5 had lost hers so, by consequence, Omer didn't have a vote either. That told Omer not to trust Chanel N°5.
You don't have to mean it
Day 13 was time for more pairings:
Old Mike bonded with Omer because of his virgin story.
Merryanne bonded with Lydi over their old granma names.
More imprtantly, Hey! and Goliath bonded over other people they liked: Hey! named him and Linze as people he liked. Goliath and Hey! both liked Omer and Old Mike. Hey! said: «I feel good about Dre and Lydi is Under my Thumb». That really excited Goliath.
Hey! wanted to establish agency: Put his numbers in order and get a clear path to the end. He added Rocksbrain the their group and felt he was driving the car.
Next they established a hierarchy: Chanel N°5, Turmoil and Merryanne should be the next to go.
Cornered by Chanel N°5 who was trying to find her place (too bad there isn't a Chanel N°4 and a Chanel N°6 in the game because that would make it easy to find the right place.) Lydi said she tried to play dumb.
I got news for you lydi: You weren't only playing dumb you were actually Dumb. You don't say that you weren't talking about alliances because everyone talks about alliances. Would have been much better to say that you were trying to figure who was already in an alliance.
Proof that Lidy was dumb, Chanel N°5 saw right through her act.
When Omer said he didn't have a vote, Dre reaffirmed their alliance by saying she had an extra vote. That made Omer very Happy They agreed: It would either be Turmoil or Chanel N°5 to Get off of (their) Cloud. When Chanel N°5 approached their group again Hey! faked a gesture of welcome and he told her that the other three really liked her.
Yes, they were so enamored with Chanel N°5 that all they could say was yeah! and then they were off to go fishing. It was as if Chanel N°5 smelled like sewage.
A Rock and a Hard Place
Jiffy came to visit Rocksbrain's beach and he was impressed by his shelter. The rel reason he came was to explain how Rocksroy could either keep the story the same or how he could go back in time and reverse the game. Rocksbrain played the game, acting as if it was a hard decision.
We would have to wait for it.
Arriving at the challenge arena, Rocksbrain explained his decision; telling everyone he had smashed the hourglass...
Just like EVERYONE would do
...but Turmoil had a hard time understanding why he was doing that to her after she had given him such a nice gift.
Throwing oil on the fire, Jiffy enjoyed telling the 6 that one of them was about to miss the jury.
Tumbling Dice
Players would be pulling on a rope while balancing a wobbly table and stacking letter blocks. If at any time the stack tumbles over, they have to start over. The first to spell IMMUNITY would earn Immunity.
In turn Hey!, Goliath and Linze had 2 blocks or less to go but saw their stack tumble to the ground opening the door for slow and steady Turmoil to win immunity.
When the Whip Comes Down
Editors have often chosen this spot in the show to do a bit of spoiling. It's not a steadfast rule but the person giving a confessional just before the commercial, is often the one that gets snuffed. It's especially true when the immunity challenge just messed up carefully prepared plans
As soon as they came back to camp, Goliath invited Rocksbrain to go spearfishing. He then told him about the group of 8.
Meanwhile Dobby and Turmoil were putting the target on Goliath who could go on an immunity run. Dobby was now power hungry and he wanted Goliath gone.
Dobby tried to get traction for his plan so he went to people who, unbeknownst to him, were Goliath's allies, namely Dre and Hey!
By the way, this Dre couldn't be more different than Fiji's original Dre as far as being level-headed and effective in her decisions
Some Girls were also targeting Goliath, namely Lidy and Chanel N°5 but they approached Linze, a member of the 8 who deflected the target by pointing to Goliath's ineptitude with puzzles. Linze pointed the finger at Merryanne.
Knowing that he was safe and didn't have a vote, Omer's first idea was to shut up because he had nothing to gain but, instead, he turned into a Street Fighting Man and as soon as Lydi revealed that she might not stick with the 8, Omer pounced, trying to bring Orange back together to be able to use Maryanne's advantages. For that he had to tell Merryine that the target was on her.
That led to Merryanne's 19th Nervous Breakdown
Omer realized that Lidy was Hey!'s number one ally so it wasn't going to be easy. He told Hey! that Lydi was gunning for someone in the 8 already so she had to go.
Hey! didn't like that option at all. He was going to scramble to get her to stay. He had a nice quote just before leaving for TC: At moments like these, good players fold and great players prevail.
This confrontation was clearly Omer vs Hey! so which one was going to be revealed as the great player? The vote is coming up!
Tribal Council or where the tribe shouts: «Hey You Get off of my Cloud!»
Right off the bat, Hey! and Omer told Jiffy that there was a lot of strategy going around. Lies would be revealed.
No advantages were played.
- Rocksbrain Voted for Linze
- Chanel N°5 and Turmoil Voted for Goliath
- Dobby and Lidy Voted for Merryanne
- Hey!, Goliath, Linze, Dre, Merryanne and Old Mike Voted for Lydi
Lydia was voted out because she couldn't let well enough alone and she didn't shut up. She had to try to turn the vote against Goliath and that backfired.
Next time on Survivor: They are all gunning for Romeo, no they are after Tori, no it's...
Email this topic to a friend
Printer-friendly version of this topic
Bookmark this topic (Registered users only)
