LAST EDITED ON 03-24-22 AT 06:30 PM (EST)Thanks to another unanimous TC vote, the episode opens up to a relatively drama-free Taku camp. To kickstart the entertainment value, Maryanne (who already in Ep. 3 is the runaway winner this season for open-mouth gasps) “trips over” aka “finds” an advantage. True to form, she blabbermouths her “find” to Taku.
Maryanne tells us she’s watched every Survivor season except for six episodes. Apparently one of the six she missed was during S35 HvHvH when Champion and Army veteran Ben Drieberger, upon finding his idols, placed his finger over his lips and appropriately went SHHHHHHHH! Why was that appropriate? Did I mention he’s a Survivor CHAMPION?!
Maryanne’s expression changes from Edvard Munch’s Scream to DaVinci’s more stone-faced Mona Lisa when she realizes castaways on the two other tribes must also find the advantage AND she must publicly recite some silly phrase about a “rabbit eating in a mailbox...?” (I refuse to go back and reread that nonsense, so not sure about the EXACT wording.)
What I’m also not sure about is why Maryanne is distraught. For someone who annoyingly babbles aimlessly, reciting such a nonsensical phrase is a task right in her wheelhouse.
The recurring question during this episode...Where’s the Ika tribe?
At Vati, sissy-boy Hai, who cried like a little girl during the last episode over no rice, has the audacity to recite a verbal checklist of Daniel’s annoyances. We hear of a tribal divide between Chanelle, Hai, Lydia and Daniel vs. the over-40s Jenny and Mike. Don’t tell ME age isn’t the greatest divide in Reality TV! Daniel, the 30-year-old wedge between the 20-some year-olds and the over-40 couple, is trying to burn the candle at both ends.
Has the Ika tribe been located yet?
Still at Vati, Daniel pesters Mike for the “fine print” of his not-so-secretive advantage. Mike reluctantly agrees, but it results in Daniel almost losing the idol. This is PRECISELY why S35 Champion Ben whispered SHHHHHHHH!
I guess we needed to wait until the CHALLENGE to see Ika. We didn’t have to wait too long; only 10-15 minutes into the episode, Jeff is calling the three tribes in. For the challenge to start this early we don’t need spoilers to figure this group of casting debacles took forever in the challenge and/or we’re in for a time-consuming TC.
Right on cue, Maryanne asks Jeff if he’s heard the story about the rabbit eating in a mailbox...blah...blah...blah...activating her part of the advantage. Jeff answers, No.”
Keeping with story time, I have a question for Jeff:
“Have you heard the story about the pathetically inept player being able to sadly punch their ticket to the endgame and even possibly snatching $1 million by backing into a “win” by default?”
JEFF: Yes, the title of the story is Survivor. I’ve known that story for over 20 years. *snort*
It’s a story that could bode well for Lydia, Maryanne...actually a host of castaways this season.
On the subject of pathetically inept, THREE players need to occupy the Sandra Sit-Out Bench. In only the third episode we have all REPEAT sitters with Lydia, Romeo and Daniel. Lydia even stated she’s happy she’s not in this challenge. Wanna know what I’m happy about? Lydia’s pants are not as short and tight as last episode’s challenge. If they were as “form-fitting” she’d be picking “Sandra Sit-Out Bench” splinters from her cellulite while walking back to camp after the challenge. EWWWWWWW!!!!!!
Enough about the lame spectators, let’s go to the Challenge players who need to return a ladder from the ocean they must use to climb and get five beanbags to toss up on individual perches.
The ocean was very choppy. With the exception of Jonathan, all the other petunias in the water were reacting to the waves as if it was the 2004 Tsunami that devastated the ENTIRE country of Sri Lanka.
Not only did Jonathan successfully get the ladder out of the ocean, but he also proceeds to CARRY his team, both figuratively AND literally, out from the ocean waves. To show he’s not just about strength and brawn, he also exhibits the perfect touch and tosses all five beanbags on their perches. Now THAT’S how you do it on Survivor! Taku/Jonathan wins the challenge and is safe from TC.
If there’s ever a player worthy of being named Challenge MVP, it was Jonathan; unfortunately, it also makes him ripe to be victimized by the Anti-Darwin Syndrome.
Despite the runaway victory, we still have a Challenge to finish to determine which tribe will go to TC. With Jonathan no longer competing, the remaining pansies are getting consumed by the ocean waves. The “Survivor first” Jeff referenced in last week’s preview was his David Hasselhoff imitation (minus the Baywatch Babes/plastic boobies) stopping the Challenge to rescue the casting embarrassments out of the water.
The Challenge resumed at the beanbag toss station. Rocksroy landed his first few successful attempts. Vati took the democratic approach allowing everyone to try. Whereas, democracy is a popular form of government, for a Survivor Challenge it takes more time. It proved costly for Vati losing the Challenge resulting in its first trip to TC.
Taku needs to select someone to go off on a “journey.” They pick Vati’s Chanelle. Taku’s Omar is selected as well sending the Ika tribe further into Ep. 3 obscurity.
Chanelle and Omar’s journey culminates in yet ANOTHER potential game advantage. Consequently, it ends up resulting in BOTH losing their votes at the next TC. For Chanelle it’s the upcoming TC that evening.
Back at loser Vati’s camp, a lively scramble ensues whether to vote out older woman Jenny or Michelin Tire Girl Lydia. Fear of a possible idol play, they decide to split their votes between Jenny/Lydia, and Chanelle will be the deciding vote (unbeknown that Chanelle lost her vote.) It now becomes blatantly clear why so much remaining episode time has been allocated for TC.
Vati marches into TRIBAL COUNCIL for the first time this season.
It started off relatively well with Lydia walking in wearing long pants. That pleasantry was short-lived when crybaby Hai decided to bring his rice deprivation grievance to a “higher authority” (Jeff.) Jeff doesn’t bat an eye. It would have been a vintage Survivor moment had Jeff replied, “If you’re still hungry, would you like some cheese to go with your WHINE?” Boo-Hoo!
The discussion turns to Chanelle and her post-challenge time away from Vati. Chanelle is an Executive Recruiter. I’ve never had good experience with Executive Recruiters. When I wanted to be place, I was assured of joining a top-notch “life-changing” organization. It wasn’t until I was sent to some snake pit, did I realize I was shoveled a dung of donkey’s dust...while the Recruiter cashed in on a hefty commission. When my organization needed a recruiter to place an executive for us, we were promised a Bill Gates/Mark Cuban/Oprah Winfrey all rolled into one. What we got was an ordinary warm body to...YEP...you guessed it…cash in on a hefty commission.
Why bring it up? At TC Chanelle slings her own dung of donkey’s dust assuring her tribemates she “protected her vote.” Jeff asks Mike if he believes her. Mike gullibly answers, “Yes.” Hey Mike...you live fairly close where I live. Wanna stop over for a Poker game some time? LOL.
It’s apparent it will come down between Jenny and Lydia. With both Mike and Chanelle unable to vote, the first vote is a 2-2 tie. After a revote, it is 1-1. Confusion over fewer votes is clarified when Mike and Chanelle have to reveal they have no vote. Yes, the same vote Chanelle claimed she “protected.” It’s all on Hai and Daniel to agree on either Jenny or Lydia otherwise the other four draw rocks.
Daniel commits a huge game blunder and immediately declares he will NOT draw rocks on Day 7. Even Sissies can be cunningly sharp. With Daniel showing his cards right from the start, Hai declares he will stay put with his Jenny vote.
Better yet, how about I invite BOTH Mike and Daniel over for weekly Friday night Poker. I should be able to parley those games into an early retirement.
This means everyone knows Daniel voted for Lydia and is snared in his trap trying to play both sides. His only recourse is to refer back to when Chanelle was tootin’ her own horn about not having a vote but still controlling the tribe vote by virtue of her great “social game,” and advising Daniel to vote Lydia as part of Vati’s vote-splitting scheme.
Well Ms. Executive Recruiter...how does your “social game” look NOW?! Not that Daniel will be able to escape having to wipe massive amounts of egg off HIS face.
With Daniels’ jugular exposed, Hai turns up the heat and states he will even be willing to draw rocks instead of change his Jenny vote. Daniel is now engulfed in the flames from both ends of the candle he was trying to burn. To avoid drawing rocks, Jenny ultimately gets the Survivor-Shaft on only Day 7 and her torch is snuffed.
Got to give the wussy credit for taking advantage of Daniel’s blunder and showing some bravado by hanging tough and sticking to his guns; although his rite of passage into manhood will have to involve a bit more than targeting the oldest woman on the tribe.
Next Time on Survivor:
Mike has the final remark saying his tribe’s Kumbaya has turned into a Holy Crap-aya.
What a minute...stop the press...we may have our Ep. 4 title for this nameless season!
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