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"Your Last Minute Recap: Tony Spies, Jefra Cries, I despise - 04-23-14"
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QuickBen 50 desperate attention whore postings
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04-29-14, 01:13 PM (EST)
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"Your Last Minute Recap: Tony Spies, Jefra Cries, I despise - 04-23-14"
Previously on...Survivor!

After Tony (and faithful side-kick Woo) backstabbed a member of his "tight" six-person alliance, there was certain to be a backlash from the rest of the alliance....right? Apparently, no. Sure, Jefra was missing her hunky Beauty partner, and rightly had lost all trust in Tony. But Kass? Eh, she didn't seem to mind much. I mean, Tony wasn't a female stealing attention from her, so what did she care? Trish? Trish continued to be held in thrall to Tony's "charms": "At first I felt like, oh wow, I kind of wished I knew, but then immediately (immediately!?) I understood why he didn't tell me. He was afraid the plan might get destroyed, so I wasn't mad." What kind of mind control is the rogue cop using on these people? And what plan might get destroyed, Trish? Tony's plan, that's what plan. Not your plan. What happened to your crush on your Boston boy, LJ? So, fine, just meekly step back in the line of sheep to be sheared, Trish.

While things seemed to be working out for Tony, his paranoia ran unchecked. And thus was born #spyshack 2.0, down by the water well, though when he had time to draw up "blueprints", I have no idea. Tony, peering through leaves like faux-German soldier Arte Johnson on Laugh-In ("velly intellesting....but stupid", and yes, I'm old enough to remember that show), really didn't gain any new knowledge, but he sure was having a great time doing it. He did hear Trish calling him "an Academy Award winning actor". Well, if a hamfisted, ham-faced, ham could win an Oscar, sure. And, yes, I use those terms because Tony is a pig, not a construction worker.

The RC involved boats, paddles, and, of course, a puzzle, which has really been the deciding factor in these challenges. After much peeking back and forth between the teams, Kass decided the answer was "Worth fighting for", while Spencer determined that "Worth playing for" made more sense, since it was a phrase Probst uses nearly every episode. Attaway, Kass. Tony: "There's no 'Y' in fighting!"

Tony wanted to talk strategy with his alliance, but Trish was more interested in finding the limes and the papayas and mixing them all up. So, poor Tony had to "go strategize by himself, as usual." I bet this happens all the time back at the cop shop. Tony probably has a little spy shack set up in the janitor's closet. Tony: "Limes and papayas - are you kidding me?" Heh.

Later, Trish recruited Woo for a papaya-gathering trip. Spying the luscious melons, she hilariously compared them to Morgan's boobs. There's your Survivor legacy, Morgan! And, suddenly, I'm hungry for, um, fruit. Woo gamely did his part, "jerking the papaya tree", as the kids are calling it these days. Unfortunately, they don't make papaya trees like they used to, and Woo snapped off the branch he was holding and fell to earth. 'Twas naught but a bruised backside, however, and Woo claimed he'd "break (his) a$$ for papayas any day". Especially the famed Morgan papayas.

On Reward, Tasha and Spencer tried to recruit the miffed Jefra, but Jefra thought she needed another rib to think it over. Heh. Then a letter from her mom decided it for her, as dear ol' ma told Jefra not to let her big heart keep her from playing the game. So Jefra decided to "jump ship" and made a final four pact with Spencer, Jefra, and Jeremiah.

The IC was a "balance your ball on a platform while you balance yourself on a rail" scenario, created, I believe, solely to give Probst the opportunity to say "Place your balls on the platform." Hee. Oh, and Tasha won.

Jefra fed us a red herring: "I don't feel safe with Tony. The rest of the alliance believes everything he says, like he's Jesus or something." Don't you blaspheme in here! Don't you blaspheme in here! Also, Jesus had hair. That would be a cool Survivor, though - who wouldn't want to be in Jesus' alliance? Maybe they could have a Survivor with competing religions, to see who has the best god? But the Christians and Jews would probably just gang up on the Muslims. The Rastafarians would just comb the forest seeking medicinal herbs.

Tony the Tornado went tearing through the jungle searching for the ridiculously powerful Tyler Perry Idol, and he found it. Irritating to me, as a fan, because an idol you can use after the votes are read is just stupid. It takes so much strategy out of the game. Grudgingly, I give Tony props for playing hard. Tony, on finding the idol: "Everybody's eyes say bing!" Then he frenched the dang thing and told it he loved it. It must have gotten messy, because then Tony told us three times that he had to go wash up. Yech.

As a way to mollify Jefra, Trish called Tony out for his shenanigans with the last vote, and Tony swore on everyone he'd ever known that he was solid with the six, er. make that five. Really, really solid. Why do these people trust Tony?

Kass tried to make Jefra see a good reason not to flip: "Whenever you get rid of someone in this game that is annoying you, you screw yourself." And that is why Kass cannot win this game - she's done this more than once already! Maybe she is just passing on hard-won lessons to Lil Miss Jefra.

Jefra told Jeremiah that she had decided to stay with Tony and his trolls. Jeremiah took this in stride, as he has everything else this season, by which I mean in a boring, "oh well" manner. He could have at least threw her mother's words back in her face! What about Ma, Jefra?! Do something, Jeremy, or people will begin to forget your name.

Jeremiah, apparently having come to terms with his pending ouster, decided to reveal a big, dark secret to Spencer and Tasha - he was a -gasp!- "fashion model": "If you Google 'Jeremiah Wood' and just put 'model' after it, you can see some." See some what, you ask? Um, underwear, apparently. This confession cracked up Spencer (and me), as Spencer noted he wasn't surprised that a former 'Beauty' tribe member would think this is a big secret. So Spencer made his own confession - that he had a HII: "The game is not over!" he tried to convince himself.

At TC, Spencer attempted to make waves by reminding the opposition that they were playing with a huge liar named Tony. When Tony wanted examples, Spencer just stared at him in disbelief, so Tony claimed: "I didn't break promises, I did it for a reason." That makes zero sense, so of course his alliance accepted it.

Jefra admitted she had considered flipping, but that she had decided she'd rather get screwed over by her alliance than actually play the game. Probst called her "impressionable", which I suppose is nicer than calling her spineless, but you could tell he meant the same thing.

Spencer and Tasha let their enemies know that if Tony got to the final TC, they would vote for him to win, because Tony was actually playing the game and they weren't. Woo, clearly not getting the point, simply replied that "They might vote for him, but the only way he's going to get there is with our help." Attaway, Woo, some solid thinking there.

Tony mentioned his "bag of tricks" again, eliciting a sour expression from Spencer and Jefra. Yeah, Tony's actually been fun to watch this season, but his act is getting old.

After the vote, Probst called for any HIIs to be played, and Spencer played his for himself. Tony, unwilling to be out of the spotlight for a millisecond, brought out his Superpowerful TPI, but didn't play it, then claimed that he had psyched out Spencer, condescendingly calling him "the inexperienced young lad", and claiming Spencer was going to play it for "Jeremy" (to wonderful WTF looks from the jury, as they wanted to know who the heck "Jeremy" was; Tony doesn't seem to have a lot of respect from the jury). Tony then claimed it was a fake HII. What a putz. Surely, at least some of them know Tony has the Super Idol now; I can't imagine Spencer was fooled.

I loved the shots of the jury as Kass walked by. They wouldn't look at her and acted like they wanted to pretend she didn't exist. Kass was the farting elephant in the room. She is not liked - at all - by that jury.

After Jeremiah got the boot, he told us he felt like he played a great game and could have won the million bucks. Whatever you say, friend, but we didn't see that game. Then he headed off to pose in his boxers, or something.

Next time on...Survivor! It's time for the food auction. Previews make it look like Kass gets screwed on her choice. I hope she gets bad crabs. Meanwhile, Spencer tries to ramp up Tony's paranoia. Talk about shooting fish in a barrel.

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dabo 26224 desperate attention whore postings
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05-07-14, 10:57 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Your Last Minute Recap: Tony Spies, Jefra Cries, I despise - 04-23-14"
bumping this for people to reread until the next one comes along. Keep 'em coming, Ben.
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