Hello everyone. I'm really not new here. I have been watching Survivor since season one, & been lurking on this site since somewhere about the middle of season 3 (Africa). I guess what I am trying to say is that I know most of you through your postings, but you have no idea who I am. Hopefully now that I am retired (former school teacher) I will have more time to visit & join in some of the discussions with you. I hope you enjoy my attempt at this sarcastic review of last weeks show.
Our evening started last week at Kalabaw where we saw the dejected gamers returning from Tribal Council. Katie realized that she was up Stinky Creek without a paddle. She cornered Denise & tried to convince her that Penner had the HII & should be the next to go. She started to formulate a plan & we were all intrigued & wanted to learn more but we were interrupted by the 'intro' & a series of commercials.
When we returned we found ourselves at Camp Tandang where Pete was annoyed & Artis had the attitude of a pissed off street pimp who had a 'whore-able' day (misspelling intended). Even Abi was upset (but she always seems to have an attitude, so we just dismissed her altogether). As we watched we observed that the three Tandang Tribe mates were really mad & had a hungry look, like the kind you get from not eating for awhile. And they were blaming it all on Mike (Skupin). Apparently he had eaten more than his share of the rice & they only had a little over a days rations left. Although Jeff (the host) always says that the game comes down to 'fire' we know that the game usually revolves more around food. Just look at the rewards given at many of the Challenges (a feast for the winning Tribe, or a picnic lunch & you can take two friends, or Survivor will give you $500 & you can bid on a hidden item which is usually food, etc). Anyway, Pete confesses that he thinks that Mike is the most useless player ever returned to Survivor. I don't know, how about Russell Hantz's 3rd go around or Jonny Fairplay in Micronesia (Fans vs. Favorites) Those were pretty useless returnees. In the closing scene Abi refuses to cook breakfast because there is not enough rice & says it needs to be rationed. As the camera fades out we notice that Mike is eating a hand full of dried rice. Production missed the boat here by not providing us with some crunchy sound effects.
It's Reward Challenge Time & off we go to' Mud Pitt Stadium'. The rules are that 3 members from each Tribe will try to push a giant wicker ball into their opponents goal. First tribe to score three points wins a trip to a hut that is filled with sandwiches, brownies, & other goodies (ah ha, more food). It's a little known fact that the giant wicker ball game is the National Game of both the Philippines & Guatemala (which was also played by the survivors in season 11). Years before the Scandinavian Vikings (or Columbus) discovered the New World, the Philippine Natives use to paddle the 4000 miles across the Pacific Ocean in their dugout canoes holding onto their giant wicker balls all the way to Guatemala for the Pacific Rim Championships. The games were traditionally held during the rainy season. That's why production spent weeks digging out a mid pit the size of a football field so that they could authentically duplicate this exciting game.
Round one: Mike, Pete, & Lisa (Tandang) take on Jonathan, Carter, & Denise (Kalabaw). It's an epic battle, with the ball moving less than three feet in either direction in the first hour. But in the five minutes that unfold in front of us we are treated to three of the finest 'mud wrestling' contests ever witnessed on TV. Lisa grapples with Denise, Pete face plants Carter, & Penner gets camera time with an obscene hold on Skupin's crouch. Everyone seems to be enjoying the action (I know I am) except Katie. She just stands on the sidelines with a bewildered sad frown on her face (I think she is daydreaming that she is back on Stinky Creek & that she has found her oars but has only one of them in the water). It's not long before everyone is exhausted & there is no move movement. So Penner & Mike decide to broker a deal. Penner wants the Challenge 'win' & the food reward that goes with it, & Mike is willing to take the rest of Kalabaw's rice (seems that Mike has some kind of rice fetish). Abi & Pete don't like the deal, & Artis is furious. But Mike is persuasive & convinces everyone except Artis, who reluctantly says "do whatever you want." Jeff (the host), not wanting to stand out in the hot sun any longer, agrees to the deal & sends the Water Buffalo's of Kalabaw off to their not earned reward. And before departing back to Production Central for a cold beer & some live TV, the man in the blue shirt & white cargo pants tells the Roosters (who chickened out of the Challenge) of Tribe Tandang that they will receive Kalabaw's rice in their Tree Mail (probably COD, because it seems like Production is getting pretty cheap lately with some of their rewards. Come on, last week it was cookies & muffins & this week sandwich's, potato chips & brownies).
After an informative & well meaning commercial break we find ourselves at the Reward Hut watching Kalabaw devour their gourmet banquet. Penner tries to convince everyone that this meal is an advantage to them, but Carter's not buying any of it. He believes the rice would have been more advantages to have kept. About this time Penner discovers a bundle of envelopes on another table. He passes them out, & as each person opens them (& discards any unpaid bills & other junk mail), they begin to tear-up as they read what their love one's from home have written. We weren't privy to any of the info in the letters, but if you are like me you probably had to run off to get a tissue because it was just one of those highly sensitive survivor moments (You know like when Bobby-Jon fired off one of his snot rockets or when Jenna & Heidi 'dropped trou' for PB&J in the Amazon). Denise thinks the letters are really good motivational fuel. I wonder if they will all think that in 24 hours if Penner doesn't hold up his end of the promise & catch them some fish. Remember, thereís no food in water, & right now thatís all they have back at camp.
Back at Tandang, we find out that it's Artis's 54th B-day & he is more than happy to let everyone know that he is still ticked off over the lack of getting the Reward Sandwiches. He is as bad as Russell Swan, in that he thinks he should win every Challenge. Abi isnít thrilled about it either & says that it was the dumbest move ever in survivor. RC uses this obvious tribal division as a way to try to promote herself in the game. She goes to Mike (Skupin) & tells him that Artis & Abi are backstabbing him. Mike says that he has never met anyone as negative as Abi. She is a Brizilian bomb ready to go off at any second. As we all picture Abi's head exploding it's time for another commercial. And a well timed one at that. With all this talk of food I needed a chance to run off into the kitchen to get a hand full of rice or something.
When Survivor returns we find ourselves back at 'Club Kalabaw', & it's Jonathan's (Penner) time to shine. Heís about to show all the rookies how a real survivor goes out there & gets fish. Rice is for weaklings that don't know how to live in the wild & fish. But minutes later we see Jeff (Kent) watching Jonathan exiting from the water with 2 very small gold fish size fish. And now the 'Survivor' show turns into 'The Hunger Games' (I'm sorry, but I haven't seen that movie yet so I can't make any sarcastic comparisons). Everyone is disappointed at the size of Jonathan's catch, because it sure as hell is not going to be enough to feed the group, let alone Carter whose energy level has been seriously depleted (No doubt from all the complaining he has done this episode).
Now it's time for the Immunity Challenge. It involves a large sling shot that will launch balls into the air that three other members from each tribe then attempt to catch for a point. First team to five points wins (At the drop of a hat I've already made a bet with the rest of my family that the baseball player (Jeff Kent) is going kick everyone else's butt in this Challenge). And yes Kent dominates early. But Jeff (the host) doesn't pay much attention to this. He is busy berating Katie, telling everyone how poorly she is doing (Back on Stinky Creek, Katie may have thought that she finally had both of her oars in the water, but I think, with this poor performance she will soon discover that they are both on the same side of the boat). I don't know why Jeff is picking on Katie, it seems to me that it's Carter that is blowing this Challenge. Malcolm is destroying him. And before you can say 'Uncle Ben's Rice' the crew from Tandang has won the Challenge.
Now it's time to vote for your Sprint Player of the Week. Which gives us time to pause & contemplate on who we are going to vote for in the upcoming election. I have already made up my mind on who I like more between Romney or Obama. But the bigger question is who played the better game this week? Because I really want to win that $10,000. I can buy a lot of rice with that much money.
At Kalabaw the Water Buffalo's have another hard decision to make. And it looks like it's going to come down to either Jonathan or Katie. Kent wants it to be Jonathan, but Carter is leaning toward Katie because he wants to keep Jonathan until the merge because he will be a bigger target. Later when Jonathan walks up to join the conversation Carter asks him who he would rather vote out - Penner or Katie? Carter's 'Freudian slip' just killed Kent's plan & he rolls his eyes at Carter. If looks could kill Carter's head just exploded like a 'Brazilian bomb'. And with that little slip of the tongue Penner's been warned that he could be on the hot seat tonight. So Kent's plan to blind side Penner & the HII is probably out the window. Meanwhile Katie is being lead to believe that everyone is voting for Denise but she believes deep down that is probably a bunch of BS (So right now it doesn't matter how many oars she has in that boat, it looks like her boat is minus a rudder).
So as a yellow full moon rises we find ourselves at Tribal Council watching that same damn slithering snake as Kalabaw march's in single file. Denise is the new girl on the block, so she confesses to Jeff (the host) that she is worried. Katie says that she has been weak in Challenges, so she is worried too. Jonathan talks about blindsides & Kent says every vote is a blindside. Jeff asks Kent "do you ever play any game that is similar to Survivor in terms of strategy?" Kent realizes that his baseball background is being called out. But he just grins & says no. However he does throw it back in Jeffs face when he say "this game sucks". Jeff goes silent for a second & then tries to explain to everyone what Kent meant. Finally it's time to vote, & when no HII is played Jeff reads off the votes & to no ones great surprise it's Miss Delaware (Katie) that is sent off into the dark jungle night without a torch or even so much as a flashlight. Anyone notice where that damn slithering snake went?
And that's the truth, give or take a lie or two.
Next week on Survivor: Jeff (the host) shows up on the beach & everyone is running around in a panic. Is it a tsunami warning? Are the Philippine people fed up with the interlopers from America, & are threatening a massacre? Oh my, what could it be? Be sure to be there Halloween night to see if Jeff is giving our survivor friends a 'trick' or a 'treat'. For those of you on the East coast who are being threatened by 'Hurricane Sandy' I hope that you don't miss the episode due to a blackout or anything worse. Be safe, my sincerest prayers are with you all.