LAST EDITED ON 03-15-12 AT 05:27 PM (EST)
Hello mellow fellows, it is I, Moe, with some mo' o' the Info, inside info that is. From One World, and today, as a special treat, we are at Retirement island at the invitation of the pygmies who are so very lonely this season.
Since the evil and much too rich producer of Survivor (and various other criminal enterprises), the EPMB (also known as Dolly Rice, By'Golly Ice, and Roll Your Own deVice) has abandoned Exile Island and let the pygmies run wild. Since running wild is the name of our game, we decided to see if we could evade the jackbooted attempts of civilization to snatch the snatch endowed students of my traveling school, the Raunchiest girls you ever seen, the Raunchettes. Also known as the Sluttetts. Or the Really Really Rutty and Really Really Raunchy Girls of Raunchette High.
Here, on this deserted (sort of) Island their Raunchy education involves learning more about how to entertain themselves without the hoards (cages full) of normal (sort of) men they usually have to draw upon. They have pygmies, they have a lot of bananas and coconut oil, they have each other, and of course, they have me (heh heh, although I take my responsibilities as teacher, student, and crash dummy seriously, I do enjoy my job).
Their continuing education in raunchy Moped mechanics includes courses in how to keep sand from getting into the motor oil of their uniquely Chopped Vespa Hogs (and no, neither Paul Sr or Paul Jr had a danged this to do with these works of art, they did it all themselves, as they do everything and each other) as well as their "Other" lube oils. They learn how to dig out a Vespa whose wheels are stuck in a sand trap, and how to convert that sand trap into a pleasure pit for fun and sexual gratification. Very inventive are my girls, they even have tricks they perform while swinging thru the jungle that will amaze you and very possibly cause a reaction in your nether lowers.
But enough about our island vacation and jungle antics. We have news to impart. To wit, my always accurate insider spoilers and opinions, if you will. It's easier to collect spoilers from the One World island since we are right nearby, just a single feces toss for my monkey agents on the island.
Spoiler #1: Colton will tell little Leif that if Leif will be his Cabana boy, and give "special" massages, sponge baths, peel his banana, bring him drinks and little sandwiches with the crusts cut off, wash his clothes, and do the Hula-Hula for him before bedtime, that that will make Leif grow taller. Of course Colton is being a little disingenuous, actually it makes "little Colton" grow taller instead.
Spoiler #2: Gratuitous Sex #1. Now, we come to the first gratuitous sex segment of our show.
This is what's awaiting you at Tribe's Loser Lodge. I wouldn't include this here except that Tribe kidnapped my dog. I have to do this in order to get him back.
Spoiler #3: Gratuitous Sex #2. The second (of hopefully a great many) gratuitous sex segment:
Alicia: Description: Nice package, over all. With her mouth closed.
So why does she strangle her Boobs? Those puppies are crying so pitifully, they just want to be free.
Spoiler #4: Gratuitous Sex #3:
Jonas trying out for the position of Colton's Cabana boy. However, Leif has the advantage of elevation on Jonas.
Spoiler #5: Tarzan will discover that all of his cosmetic surgery clients have inexplicably run for the hills after seeing Survivor, One World. I wonder why they would lose their faith that this guy will make them look better. Yow!!
Spoiler #6: Country Club Colton thinks that he knows how to talk to people, how to charm them. The problem he has is, who does he consider to be people? Obviously not comedians, black people, or the meat bags he is living with. My opinion is that he charms the image he sees in a mirror. He's not actually gay per se, he just wants to boink himself.
I hope Colton wins, because when he gets off the island I want to play poker with him and get that million for myself. Easy pickings. Every thought that goes thru his head is advertised on his face, and accentuated with a head roll.
Tribe dropped this off the other day, and it just rolled into my pocket.