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"Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 03:02 AM (EST)
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"Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
LAST EDITED ON 03-09-12 AT 05:49 PM (EST)

Jiffy’s Official Jaw Drop Door Stop (now available at the Survivor Store) said it best when his eyes spun around like the reels on a coconut slot machine and he intoned, “Twenty four seasons. Some 400 Tribal Councils, and we’ve never had a tribe arrive at Tribal Council after winning immunity.”

How did we get here? Well, I’m going to finish my Lemon Drop Martini and my barely legal native girl. Then when I’m better rested we can discuss the misadventures of the Manifest Density tribe and the Salon Ninnies. For those of you who thought this season was going to be boring, we are on the verge of some monumental stupidity. Enjoy.
==================================

Only in the DC Comics Bizarro World - The Manifest Density tribe returns from their first Tribal Council after they had autographed Matt’s “Justices of the Supreme Court” lunch box and reassigned his case to the Ponderosa “No Justice” Building. But Michael is cranky and labels one of the factions of his tribe the Misfit Alliance, made up of Tarzan, Troyzan, Colton, Leif and Jonas. In other words, two chest thumpers, a rump humper, a tree stump and a filet-er o’ fish. It should also be noted that Colton believes that he’s only a member of the Misfit Alliance because his member won’t fit, but that’s a whole other Oprah and one that we’ll examine later … until your eyes bleed. The other half of Manifest Density is made up of the remaining members of The Muscle Alliance; Michael, Jay, Bill, or as they’ll appear in the Survivor Comic book. . . The Bum Puzzler, Helium Boy and The Dark “Open Mic” Knight.

Tarzan tries to position TC as a good thing, saying, “It was good for us that we had to go to Tribal Council, because I truly felt that the five of us were solid.” He sounded a bit like Martha Stewart discussing her federal prison sentence and how dodging a shank in the communal prison shower was an enriching and positive experience.

Speaking of role reversals, the women of Salon Ninnies have ordered a self-help book called “How to Survive in the Amazon” from Amazon, and while it’s not exactly geographically accurate, they are still using the recipe chapters to prepare a mollusk medley consisting of coconut, snails and rice. They’re eating their snails when the puppy dog tails named Troyzan and Jonas walk up to see if they can borrow the fishing net in exchange for some of the net profits. Jonas explains that he’s from Hawaii and he knows “when to lay it, where to lay it and exactly how long to lay it.” I’ve often used the same line after a few dozen Mai Tai’s and the Elvis “Blue Hawaii” show at the Ka’anapali Beach Hotel, but it turns out that Jonas was talking about fishing.

Monica remarks that the women of Salon Ninnies are not starving and that they could go another thirty one days without any hardship. She looks knowingly at the camera and tells us, “It’s mind over matter.” Not to put down their delusional enthusiasm, but my twenty three previous seasons of Survivor have shown me that soon it won’t be “mind over matter” so much as “implants over muscle mass” for any of the females (and some of the male bodybuilders) who are on the Survivor diet.

At this point in time I should also explain a Policy change that will help illuminate the Salon Ninnies tribe name. A couple of years ago, the “See-the-profits-decline” BS execs came to me in tears. They whined that American audiences can’t stand the sight of female body hair, particularly under the arms and in the “tropical jungle” region. “And it’s in High Definition…!,” they sobbed. I finally agreed to permit CBS to parachute their patented Hair And Makeup SEAL teams onto the island. Apparently, the goal of the elite HAM SEAL stylists is to eliminate female beards and turn mono brows into two precisely trimmed eyebrows, each positioned over the appropriate eye. I hope this explains the flawless makeup and hair on women who are allegedly fighting for their lives in the cruel jungles of Samoa. *sigh*

Reward Challenge: “Tic-Tac-Oh” - After that previous expensive and frivolous “Jenga” lawsuit, I’ve decided to go back to the public domain Tic Tac Toe type challenges. Enter Khaki Cowboy Jiffy on the beach, bragging about the “massive” wall of targets and how you have to use your slingshot and coconuts to bust out five panels in either horizontal, vertical or diagonal rows to win. Reward is a choice of “comfort”, “shelter” or “luxury”.

After we explain the word “diagonal” to Kat, we’re ready to go.

Tarzan from Manifest Density is credited for the first broken target, but the Salon Ninnies even things up. Kat scores one for her team. Alicia and Kim are all too familiar with launching big ball-shaped items away from themselves violently, so they’re quick to pick up some points. Finally Monica brings home the win for the Salon Ninnies and they choose the tarp as their reward.

Tarzan indulges in psycho warfare by chanting “Woo woo woo,” and calling the women “lucky”. He seems blissfully unaware that he’s spent the afternoon cheering on his teammate “Jason” instead of calling him by his correct name… “Jonas”. Maybe it wouldn’t have been such a bad idea for Jonas to bring along his Benihana name tag as a luxury item.

“Loose Leifs Sink Sheep” – After the loss, Leif and Bill go to sit on the beach and commiserate. Leif tells Bill that he appreciates Bill’s friendship and the fact that they see eye to thigh on so many issues. They are so buddy-buddy that Leif turns to Bill and remarks, “When Colton said to vote for you (at the last Tribal Council), I didn’t want that.” Bill: “Say what, now?”

In confessional, Bill admits that he’s been “wowed”. First, he discovers that the Salon Ninnies can win physical challenges. Then it’s revealed that the Twink from Sugar Cane Mountain isn’t interested in the United Colors of Benetton.

While the wheels are turning in Bill’s brain, Leif realizes that he has just made a huge mistake. He’s blue and he feels like he’s about two feet tall. So, basically he’s a Smurf. Things only get worse when peeping Michael tells Colton that he saw Leif and Bill in an intense conversation.

“Off With Their Heads! Bring Me My Pig!” – You don’t need to have a Sony Pictures Imageworks employee ID clipped to your belt in order to visualize Colton lounging on a pile of silk pillows, stroking his Hidden Immunity Idol Fell Into His Lap Idol and being fanned by a couple of shirtless Las Vegas showboys. In fact, that’s how Colton sees his current status. When Michael tells him about the Leif and Bill confab, Colton replies, “That little Munchkin is about to get knocked back to Oz. Where is he? Call Leif over here.” Michael, bows and backs away Gollum-like to do Colton’s bidding, all the while muttering “Yes, my Precious.”

When Leif arrives, Colton plays the Red Queen to the hilt and interrogates Leif, who’s pulverizing the Irony Meter by standing there, and well… shaking like a Leif. The Puny Phlebotomist realizes that his only advantage is that his short stature puts him closer to the ground, and this may give him an aerodynamic advantage against the blasts of hot air coming from Colton’s cakehole.

Here’s a Whitman Sampler:
Colton: Did you tell Bill that he’s next?
Leif: Well, I didn’t straight up tell…
Colton: I’m giving you a chance right now. If you told him, tell me and I’ll try to do what I can. If you lie to me again… What did you tell him?

I’ll spare you the intimate details, but Colton verbally replicated a procedure that is usually done in a hospital with a tiny video camera on a flexible wand. Under anesthesia.

Leif later confessionalized that “Today I put the biggest foot in my mouth”, but it’s more likely that the Dr. Scholl’s Arch Support he was tasting came from Colton’s size 10’s, planted south of Leif’s Mason-Dixon line.

Colton also burned through more than his fair share of Munchkin, Oompa Loompa and Little Person jokes. I call on the power of Moe De’Info to punish Colton for that. Perhaps with a Hantz grenade.

“Not The Brightest Star In The Universe” – Back at the Salon Ninnies camp (which is only fifteen feet away from the Manifest Density camp, by the way), the women have received Tree Mail which holds a poetic clue about the upcoming Immunity Challenge. The last line reads, “So today, you’ll just have to be smart.” Smash cut to Kat, who looks worried.

Kat admits that she isn’t the best at puzzles. Alicia tells her that she will partner up with Kat again. Kat searches her feeble memory and asks, “You’re not that good at puzzles, are you?” In a later confessional, Alicia Roshomons the conversation so that Kat comes off as confrontational and Alicia has to “check her”.

In a quiet moment Sabrina tells the camera that Kat is “not the brightest star in the universe when it comes to puzzles,” and “we know we’re already a hot mess when it comes to communication, but Alicia’s such a firecracker…That’s just stuff that we don’t need right now.”

“That Barely Qualifies As A Challenge” - The Immunity Challenge involves pairs of handcuffed tribe mates running out to solve a puzzle. Once the puzzle is solved, the pair can run back with the key and the next pair runs out. Solve all three puzzles, unlock three locks. Raise the flag. Win any stuffed animal from the top shelf.

The Men are all over this one, while Chelsea and Alicia go into brain vapor lock at the first puzzle. Kim is yelling at the two women to just copy the Men’s puzzle. Tarzan is screaming “Cheaters!” One of the women is shouting “Kiss my ass!” back at Tarzan. I suddenly realize that this is the video footage they show to the Taliban in order to bring in new recruits. Five minutes of this and any terrorist would ask for a tailor and a Simplicity pattern for an IED sweater vest.

When it’s all said and done, Jiffy says, “Well, that was a blowout.” At the word “blowout,” the elite CBS HAM SEAL stylists suddenly drop from the trees and push each of the women into a makeup chair. This is followed by the faint noise of combat-ready, sound-suppressed hair dryers starting up. After a moment Jiffy clears the area of HAMs and awards the Immunity Idol to the Manifest Density tribe.

When Jiffy asks Alicia why she and Chelsea couldn’t even solve the first puzzle, she laughs and waves it off. This elicits nervous glances from the rest of her tribe mates. Both Christina and Sabrina seem to be sizing Alicia up for an early departure.

“Please Sir, May We Have Another?” - Post Challenge, there’s still an undercurrent of discontent that Colton is whipping up into a frothy frenzy. Driven by his hatred for Bill, The Red Queen whispers in the ears of The March Hare (Jonas) and The Mad Hatter (Troyzan), trying to push the guys into going to Tribal Council. Colton’s argument is that going to TC now will get rid of the evil Leif and restore order. In confession, Jonas scratches his head and muses, “Here we just won Immunity and Colton’s saying that we should give it away. And I’m thinking … whut?”

Having planted his evil seed, The Red Queen steps back to let Tarzan and Troyzan water it. Faster than you can say “bitch slap”, Tarzan is waving his finger in Leif’s face and talking down to him; both physically and intellectually. “What you did was egregious,” he says to Leif. Tarzan speaks very slowly when he scolds Leif with, “That was bad. Really bad.” All we’re lacking is a missed wee-wee pad and a rolled up newspaper.

Remarkably, everyone is afraid that Colton will use the power of HII to vote them out, when in fact, this would be the perfect opportunity to blindside The Red Queen. *sigh*

“Guess Who’s Coming To Council,” – We try to milk it for all the suspense it’s worth, but it’s pretty obvious that it’s Manifest Density strolling up the garden path. Despite our 47 production meetings, Jiffy flashes his Emmy-award-winning “shocked” face and tries to look surprised that the men are sitting in front of him. Troyzan explains that they were going to vote out Bill, but Leif told him and therefore Leif “broke the cardinal sin.”

Jiffy then asks, “What are the chances that this will go down as the dumbest move ever in this game?”
When Troyzan tries to explain the stupidity by saying that it was a team decision, Jiffy points out that morons often work in groups.

Under Jiffy Pop’s astute questioning Colton reveals that he doesn’t like the {air quotes} “struggling comedian” Bill, who he thinks should get a real job. The irony is that Colton is a {air quotes} “student” who doesn’t have a real job either, unless you count starring in a real-life version of “The Help” a job.

Basically, Jeff Probst orders up the Colton Shish Kabob, and reveals that the stick up Colton’s ass holds of a cube of meat, a cube of self-righteousness, a cube of racism and a cube of class arrogance. Even if you double down on the baklava, you’ve still got yourself one bitter meal.

When it gets down to the voting, the beef with Leif miraculously turns into five votes for Bill and the 28-year-old comedian from Venice, California sees the red light flash and knows it’s time to get off the stage.



Mark "She's like a paid member of my family" Burnett
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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... qwertypie 03-08-12 1
 RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... Scarlett O Hara 03-08-12 2
   RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... jbug 03-08-12 3
   RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... suzzee 03-08-12 5
 RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... suzzee 03-08-12 4
 RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... suzzee 03-08-12 6
 Now that's a great title. suzzee 03-08-12 7
 RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... agman 03-08-12 8
   RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... mindy23 03-08-12 9
       RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... SOAR64 03-08-12 10
           RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... agman 03-08-12 12
 RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... kingfish 03-08-12 11
   RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... suzzee 03-09-12 19
 RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... agman 03-08-12 13
 RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... iltarion 03-08-12 14
   RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... agman 03-08-12 15
   RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... Aruba 03-10-12 23
 RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... michel 03-08-12 16
   RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... RollDdice 03-08-12 17
       RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... RollDdice 03-13-12 32
   RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... Aruba 03-09-12 21
       RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... michel 03-10-12 24
           RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... Aruba 03-10-12 25
           RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can... MissMyth 03-14-12 33
 The only thing to be said is Molaholic 03-08-12 18
   RE: The only thing to be said is RollDdice 03-09-12 20
       RE: The only thing to be said is caseymagoo 03-09-12 22
           RE: The only thing to be said is RollDdice 03-12-12 27
 To Fling the Feces, or not to Fling... kingfish 03-11-12 26
   RE: To Fling the Feces, or not to F... caseymagoo 03-12-12 28
   RE: To Fling the Feces, or not to F... caseymagoo 03-12-12 29
   RE: To Fling the Feces, or not to F... suzzee 03-12-12 30
   RE: To Fling the Feces, or not to F... suzzee 03-12-12 31

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qwertypie 9721 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 04:36 AM (EST)
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1. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
You are welcome!
I'll just go and sleep in my box now.

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Scarlett O Hara 3259 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 09:48 AM (EST)
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2. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
Twenty four seasons. Some 400 Tribal Councils, and we’ve never had a tribe arrive at Tribal Council after winning immunity!

This WILL go down in the record books as being the most monumentally STUPID move in Survivor history. Each season, I say to myself, how can our casting department find DAWs any stupider than the previous season? Well, they have outdone themselves and I think I'm going to have to recommend to EPMB that it's either time to send them all out to pasture OR give them a raise. You decide!

Right now, I'm thinkin' it's looking pretty good for the ladies. Wait, I'm told we have a surprise Switch-a-Roo next week designed to save what men we have left.

Now, who has a question for JiffY? Who wants a buff?

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jbug 16685 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 10:21 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
I didn't have much to say then;
I don't have much to say now.


or Hutwife either!

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 10:35 AM (EST)
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5. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
And that monumental move bumps me from the top of the gufu list.
The fact they all agreed to it rates up there too.


Burnett, get over here and clean up my beach.

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 10:33 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"

Bill told Colton he wanted to squash the beef between them. Wait....WHAT???? Best line ever left in Survivor.


What happens in da Zone stays in da Zone.


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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 10:37 AM (EST)
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6. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
Boys: Hey girls you want to skip TC tonight?

Girls: Sure, thanks for the million.


I'll go bridal on your a$$

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 10:40 AM (EST)
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7. "Now that's a great title."
too funny Rolly, um I mean Mark.


What happens in da Zone stays in da Zone.


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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 10:50 AM (EST)
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8. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
LAST EDITED ON 03-08-12 AT 10:51 AM (EST)

I dunno what happened dude. I was like dumbfounded. Everyone wanted to go to tribal and I didn't want Colton to get mad at me cause he's incharge, So I just said lets go! Looking back, I wish I had brought my backbone to the game with me as my luxury item.



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mindy23 1319 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 11:17 AM (EST)
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9. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
No words to express how utterly ridiculous this 'unreal' reality show has become....

But I DO have a question for Jiffy: did that really just happen?? I mean REALLY? Or was this a staged event because your ratings are getting so gutterly low that this is the closest thing you and Markie-Poo can come up with to throw in some excitement into this holy-baloney crap game?

If not, please send your medics in ASAP to arrange for a few brain transplants. These men are on the verge of becoming an all-out cult with Culton as their leader. WHO'D A THUNK that ANYONE could've been worse(more conniving) than Hantz? And Culton didn't even have to LOOK for the Immunity Idol-it was handed to him. WOW. Really??


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SOAR64 136 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 12:33 PM (EST)
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10. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
I'm not saying that I am ready to completely agree with you that certain events are staged to allow them to follow a story line, but it sure makes you wonder just how far Jeff and Mark will go to increase the ratings of their show.
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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 01:58 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
LAST EDITED ON 03-08-12 AT 01:59 PM (EST)

I think with the fact that most of these contestants are so dumb and there is not one to cheer for, the producers had to pull something like this. It was the only way to get many viewers interested. Ymmv.

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 01:13 PM (EST)
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11. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
Moe de'Info here with little Leif sized tidbits of inside spoiler info for you this week, lovingly gathered from overheard jungle grapevine. And flung to you with the finesse developed over years of shit slinging by my simian agents on One World.

This week had my Raunchy Girls giggling their cute little fannies off. Men can be so stupid, and this leads me to my discussion of a course taught at the Raunchy School for the Really Raunchy Girls . It is here and no where else where frisky girls can learn without any obfuscation that men are stupid in general and especially where Raunchy women are concerned. How a wiggle of the booty, a shimmy of the shake, a nip slip and a boner lap dance can loosen what brains they have, and with it their cash. This is taught in Men are Stupid 101.

In the second course, Men are Stupid 102, my girls are taught what it takes to separate men from their wives, children, inheritance, life insurance, and 401Ks. The techniques are a bit graphic, let's just say that there is a fun side to it for the girls and that it takes dedication and a lot of practice with German Sausages (Vienna sausages for Leif) and all-day suckers.

This year a new course, inspired by Survivor One World, is "Men are Stupid 103, and will instruct the girls in "The Cult of Colton" philosophy. Which will be to rid their circles of Comedians and black people, because because they irritate Colton. Although gay, Colton is from Alabama, where gay people try to make sure that there are at least two levels of subhumans (comedians and black people) for them to be superior to. Since Men really are stupid, this might be a winning tactic.

Here are the latest inside spoilers, guaranteed to be accurate and you can take that to the coconut bank.

Spoiler #1: Just in case anyone doubted that my spoilers were real and accurate and were the scourge of the Survivor editors, just check out their reaction to my demand last week that they do something interesting. They had one team fight to win immunity, then give it to the other team and volunteer to go to TC.

The next time that I see the show sliding into boredom and the audience switching to watch "The Turtleman", I'll suggest a challenge more along the lines of what my Raunchy Girls do to amuse themselves. That should bring the ratings up.

Spoiler #2: And this will shock and awe you where you stand, EPMB did not cast the men based for their intelligence. I know what you're thinking. No!! it's just not possible that those cut physics could be so devoid of brains, that Bill and Leif, each thinking that they were the likely bootees could agree with the rest of the men to go to TC after winning immunity, and that the others would willingly give themselves a one person penalty in the game.

But, unbelievable as it seems, this will happen.

EPMB is evil, and his casting strategy is much too diabolical for mortal man to devine.

Spoiler #3: A gay man from Alabama who thinks that his having an African-American maid is "having Black people in his life" and that that makes him not a racist. Can anyone say "Hello Hildy". We will also learn that comedians are low lifes, not worthy of being on a tribe with unemployed college students whose greatest claim to fame is an exaggerated head roll.

Kill Bill!

Spoiler #4: Tarzan will raise his hand at TC and interject one of his patented nonsensical opinions that actually says nothing and will peter off as he runs out of steam. Jiffy will allow him to meander thru his nonthought with eyes begging him to make sense, and then come to his tent at the end of TC. Jiffy wants to tryout Tarzan's wiener slinger, it seems.

Spoiler #5: We now know what came in that box in the men's camp.



Tribal applause for this sig.

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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03-09-12, 11:08 AM (EST)
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19. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
Bill and Leif, each thinking that they were the likely bootees could agree with the rest of the men to go to TC after winning immunity

arrogance or stupidity. Voting for stupidity. Morons, off with their buffs.



HA they must have not heard that I wasn't the next stop to Loserville


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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 02:31 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
Doods, if I didn't know better, I'd say Colton thinks he's like better than the rest of us. I also think he might be racist. I'd better go do some pushups now!



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iltarion 1791 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Herbal Healing Drugs Endorser"

03-08-12, 04:01 PM (EST)
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14. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"

Hey, Bill, bro, I got a joke for you. A failed stand up comedian and a midget walk into TC thinking each other are going home... HAHAHA!!! Brah, was that like... hilarious... or what?

HAHAHAHA!!!! Straight men are SO STUPID!!!!!

For my next trick, I will convince the men that Leif is the real immunity statue and that the immunity statue is our tribemate Leif.

Then, for my last trick, I will just make this entire tribe ... disappear.

Ah... the rich keep getting richer. Know what I'm saying?

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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 04:50 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
Doooooooood, are you like totally saying the you don't respect us for our minds? Remember dooooood, straight guys have feelings too! *runs to get a kleenex

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Aruba 1891 desperate attention whore postings
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03-10-12, 02:18 PM (EST)
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23. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
Listen here you cocky little sociological reject...if I could have found four tribemates with half a backbone and a quarter of a brain I would have blindsided your a$$. But unfortunately I couldn't and you can thank casting for that.

Hey, I got a joke for YOU. A gay bigot walks away from camp thinking he's going to a challange only to find out his game has turned upside-down.

And the punchline is....BLEEEEP!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 05:52 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
Brunette! How fair was that challenge? I mean, you want to make me look dumb or what? I had to go against a gay man and a frustrated geezer. OK, these two have punier, uh...equipment but, being a woman, I only really have access to that kind of equipment, what, thirty, forty-five minutes a week. And that's on a good week. How can I be expected to have the same expertise as people who own this equipment and have access to it twenty-four hours a day, their entire lives?

Still, they give us immunity! You found some real idjiots out there.


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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 07:52 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"

If you're saying you want to handle more logs, you're just going to have to wait until the Merge. And the way things are going, a Merge would mean ratings suicide, so you can forget about that for quite a while.



Mark "Brunette, Smurfette, as long as the money keeps rolling in, who cares?" Burnett
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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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03-13-12, 02:17 PM (EST)
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32. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"

After reviewing the tapes I'm concerned that the Men are too stupid to live and that their downward spiral has tipped the teeter-totter from Entertaining to Pitiful.

Stand by for a shuffle.



Mark "Balance in all things" Burnett
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Aruba 1891 desperate attention whore postings
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03-09-12, 09:44 PM (EST)
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21. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"

I mean, you want to make me look dumb or what?

Making YOU look dumb is like making Colton look gay...or like making Leif look short...or like making me look like King of the Jungle...

OK, I think you get the drift.

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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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03-10-12, 06:51 PM (EST)
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24. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
I get your drift and it stinks. Ever consider some listerine?


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Aruba 1891 desperate attention whore postings
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03-10-12, 07:04 PM (EST)
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25. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
Ever consider Celluvera? It removes cellulite...it'll move your rating up to a 3!

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MissMyth 352 desperate attention whore postings
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03-14-12, 12:26 PM (EST)
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33. "RE: Be The Survivor: S24 Ep04: “Can’t We All Just Self-Pagong?”"
Alicia, would you stop antagonizing the guys? After the merge, we're gonna have to work with those fools.

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Molaholic 8451 desperate attention whore postings
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03-08-12, 11:00 PM (EST)
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18. "The only thing to be said is"

think about it...

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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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03-09-12, 06:00 PM (EST)
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20. "RE: The only thing to be said is"
Yes, it does Boggle the imagination.

There's now also a full recap at the top of this thresd, so mark your scorecards as a double Boggle.




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caseymagoo 59 desperate attention whore postings
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03-09-12, 11:48 PM (EST)
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22. "RE: The only thing to be said is"
>Yes, it does Boggle the imagination.
>
>
>There's now also a full recap
>at the top of this
>thresd, so mark your scorecards
>as a double Boggle.

Just posted my summary - took a while to capture all of this doozy. of course by the end, it wrote itself.


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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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03-12-12, 04:03 PM (EST)
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27. "RE: The only thing to be said is"
I wish I could get one of my summaries to write itself!



Mark "She's almost like family" Burnett
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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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03-11-12, 04:25 PM (EST)
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26. "To Fling the Feces, or not to Fling the Feces, that is the question"
LAST EDITED ON 03-11-12 AT 04:37 PM (EST)


Jello, It is I, Moe deInfo, with Mo' Info. OK, I don't really have jello, I just said that because it sounds like hello, but is funnier.

So, Jello!

My girls, the current student bodies of the school for really really raunchy that is to say, slutty in the best sense possible, which is Raunch-Slutty for short (or Rutty, for even shorter), are happy again. For a while they were upset that they lost their pet hairless monkey-man, the EPMB, but after they read his summary they loosened up. And they were positively giggling when they got to the part about the wee wee pad.

They never thought that he could gnaw his way thru the 6' thick granite walls, but now they are happy that he did. Must of been rough on his teeth and fingernails, though. Of course, now the cage has titanium/tungsten/Chrome/moly steel walls. After all, they do have their pride and just can't allow any more of their pets to leave without total sexual exhaustion and donation of their body fluids.

Anyway, yesterday the Vespa-Chopper mounted Raunchette-Sluttetts invaded the quiet and solemn monastery Santa Chinga tu Madre. And performed a miracle! After centuries of isolation and silence, the friars began to speak! And with the encouragement of my naked girls and their lap dancing, the robes came off and they were whooping and hollering to beat the band. All those barrels of home brewed holy wine and Benedictine were finally used for what it was intended, to get puking drunk. I think that they, one and all, spoke to the great God Ralph the next morning. I know I did.

But enough of that. OK, one can never have enough of that, but to press on, here are the latest and greatest insider spoilers. It would be a real waste of time and flung fecal signals if I failed to do so.

Spoiler #1: Alicia will win the award for Best Disguising of her Talent" this week for her non-display of puzzle solving ability. As he announced the award, Jiffy commented "Way to go, Alicia, if you hadn't told us you were actually a puzzle solving idiot savant, we would have just thought you were an idiot."

Chelsea was disqualified because she didn't claim to have that talent, and so actually is really a pretty stupid person. Not that she's in the category reserved for the men, but this stupidity was enough to ensure Alicia the win.

Spoiler #2: Bats will be the preeminent creature pictorial reference this week. And it will be come very clear why this will be appropriate across the board.

Spoiler #3: Country-Club Colton will make sure that he won't have to associate with comedic riff-raff after this week. Which doesn't bode well for the short of stature riff-raff next week, or the follically dense riff-raff the week after. At some point the penis-ically challenged riff-raff will also find their days numbered. The only question that remains is, when every one who isn't Country Club status, that is, everyone, has gone, who will be left for Colton to be superior to?

Spoiler #4: News flash, Tarzan hates Bill because he has figured out that anyone (like Bill) with charm and a beguiling personality is dangerous. Tarzan must have a really dull circle of friends in RL. A regular grave digger's convention.

Spoiler #5: The "Crotch Shot of the Week" award goes to Christina for her graceless yet winsome and charming sprawl after one of her turns at the slingshot competition. And nothing beats a great crotch shot, I always say.

Spoiler #6: The final award of the evening is the "Helen Keller" award given to Colton for his inability to see as hypocritical his put downs of Bill for being beneath him socially, for his inability to see his own racial bias, and his inability to see that a gay person's fight against social inequities is much the same as an African-American's.



A Tribe forged Picasso original.

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caseymagoo 59 desperate attention whore postings
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03-12-12, 04:43 PM (EST)
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28. "RE: To Fling the Feces, or not to Fling the Feces, that is the question"
If I may (raises hand), I take offense to that remark about my circle of friends. I have a wonderful, caring, misunderstood group of friends. I"m surprised you wouldn't assume that give my astute ability to judge people.

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caseymagoo 59 desperate attention whore postings
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03-12-12, 04:50 PM (EST)
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29. "RE: To Fling the Feces, or not to Fling the Feces, that is the question"
Spoiler #4: News flash, Tarzan hates Bill because he has figured out that anyone (like Bill) with charm and a beguiling personality is dangerous. Tarzan must have a really dull circle of friends in RL. A regular grave digger's convention.

If I may respond, can I Jeff? I don't hate Bill, I thought I made that perfectly clear in my tribal council speech. I take offense to the remark about my dull circle of friends. I have a wonderful, exciting, caring, misunderstood group of friends. I"m surprised you wouldn't assume that give my astute ability to judge people like that fine young man, Colton.

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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03-12-12, 09:23 PM (EST)
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30. "RE: To Fling the Feces, or not to Fling the Feces, that is the question"
Dear Raunchettes,

Enclosed are free passes to the Grande Opening of my Bridal Emporium. You may want to browse my collection of bustiers for either under or outer wear.

My gowns come in colors befitting your soiled dove status. Just sayin'.


I'll go bridal on your a$$

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Stuff Magazine Centerfold"

03-12-12, 09:29 PM (EST)
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31. "RE: To Fling the Feces, or not to Fling the Feces, that is the question"
Jello back at ya Moe de!

RI here, since I have the season off I've been a little lonely and should your lovelies be in need of a vacation, Jiffy has been taking time off and spending it here on moi!

They're welcome and I'm sure Jiffy would love an audience that actually can stay awake for an entire episode.



Burnett, get over here and clean up my beach.

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