Maybe it's me, but I thought this episode was weak so I'll do my best to "spice" it up with this Summary.
PREVIOUSLY ON SURVIVOR...
The premier opens with a helicoper, carrying host Jeff Probst, landing at a remote Polynesian location. At this opening juncture I was expecting to see Leif run up a flight of stairs, ring a bell, and start shouting, "Da Plane, Da Plane!"
OOPS, sorry...wrong show. Although this season could be called "Fantasy Island" with some of the castaways actually thinking they have a chance to win $1,000,000.
The cast is divided into two separate tribes by gender but must live at the same location. "One World"...get it? Summarizing the accomplishments: Chelsea catches two chickens, Jay starts a fire, and Sabrina finds a HII but gives it to Colton because of this season's twist forcing the finder to hand it over to someone on the opposite tribe. The women do not listen to Jeff's instructions at the IC and this results in a serious injury for Kourtney and a Manono victory sending Salani to TC. At TC it is evident the women are a disorganized mess (giving Production an easy job naming episode 2) but they get a free pass when told Kourtney broke her wrist and is out of the game.
EPISODE #2 - TOTAL DYSFUNCTION
When the women return from TC you wonder if Manono will show any more genuine concern over Kourtney's welfare than Salani did. The speculation ends quickly with Michael being annoyed Salani is only down one player instead of two.
The first confessional belongs to Kat but gets interrupted when she starts freaking out over bugs flying near her head. HMMM, maybe she has potential as a "fan favorite." Afterall some fans have heralded a former Survivor, who freaked out over dead leafs on the ground, as one of the best players ever.
Christina decides to offer an olive branch to Alicia for their TC outburst. Although it was Alicia's fault, it's a smart move on Christina's part.
It's what you would expect from a mature level-headed woman like Christina.
Alicia accepts the branch only to break it in half when proclaiming in a confessional she would rather allow Christina to drown to death.
It's what you would expect from a pathetic b!tchy hag like Alicia.
Nina is trying to find her place in the Salani tribe, but Sabrina does not have that same problem when the concensus is to annoint her the leader of their dysfunctional tribe. Sabrina accepts her new role even though a daunting task is before her to, as she states, "manage the airheads." DAMN, I like this woman!
Her first pep talk is to enforce what is necessary, namely water, food, and shelter. Everyone needs to split up and take ownership of each one of these essentials.
I guess Alicia and Kat are managing the "water" situation because in the next scene that's what both of them are sitting in doing absolutely nothing.
TREE MAIL!!! Salani sees a large wooden crate they must bring back to camp. It is part of the Reward Challenge. The men must do the same and cannot open the box until they are together. They find out it is a "Do-it-Yourself" Reward Challenge...in other words Jeff will not be present to moderate it.
This should be an advantage for the girls because they don't listen to Jeff anyway.
But this episode is called "Total Dysfuction" for a reason.
InvisiBILL (kudos to Michel for the nickname) becomes part of the show as he reads the instructions. Each tribe must undo a countless amount of knots to separate the ropes from a ring. The first tribe to expose the loose ring wins the RC and receives tarp for shelter. Each tribe also gets to keep the wooden crates and ropes. Manono has an extra player so "Big Mike" is sitting this one out.
Colton gives the official command to start the RC along with Greg's poor imitation of Colton's gay hand movements. Both tribes are working feverously trying to untie what seems like an endless number of knots. Without Jeff's narration we're not sure how each team is doing, but with this episode called "Total Dysfunction" it's no surprise that Manono tribe claims another victory and the tarp. Michael, who had nothing to do with the win, predicts Manono will be the best camp in Survivor history, and hoping that the IC might be midget tossing, celebrates by throwing Leif into the air.
Sabrina laments the loss saying they needed the tarp "like a fat kid needs cake."
Back at the Manono tribe the focus and concern is on Colton and his noticable attachment to the women. Jonas points out down the road if Colton is still in the game he'll flip on the men and make "Russell look like a little schoolgirl." Not the best anaolgy, but I've read more inaccurate comparisons.
Colton is a Drama Queen. And we all know Drama Queens need attention like...well...like "fat kids need cake." Knowing he'll never get that attention from the men, he walks over to the women because Colton "loves the girls" and surely they will welcome him with open arms. He makes his way to the Salani camp and in a pitiful display of desparation he asks if he "can hang out" with them.
A weaker woman might buckle when looking at his sad puppy dog eyes. But Sabrina is not a weak woman--she refers to Colton as a "virus." Even Chelsea mimicks his gay hand movements as he makes a final appeal. Salani chases him away because they need to have a "girl talk." He now makes a tearful plea by crying on their a$$es, but Kim pretty much tells him to scram.
Colton, who was sure he'd be welcomed in Salani's camp, now walks away lonely and rejected. Bobby Brown was more welcomed at Whitney Houston's funeral.
In the evening around the campfire, Manono eggs on Greg aka "Tarzan" to do his Tarzan dance. Greg grabs a stick and performs a disturbing tribal dance in his speedo underwear. It is a scene that might have forced some parents to send their chidren to bed early and could have come with a disclaimer. Leif is most amused with "Tarzan" and his "banana-hanger" making an A$$ out of himself and calls it "classic."
When a person hits rock bottom they will make a last ditch effort either through inspiration or by desparation. Colton chooses the latter and desparately plays the only card he has that was placed in his lap by Sabrina. He shows the idol to the "misfits" who are not part of the Frat Pack Four. Troy immediately asks who gave it to him and Colton answers the women did.
Colton getting a new lease on life takes it upon himself to rename the season "Colton's World." What comic book did this clown come out of? It's more Sabrina's World than anyone else. If she doesn't save your a$$ with the HII, you're the first one going home from Manono.
Production is desparate for a Salani win. Pagonging makes for a boring season and they are dying for Colton to play his HII at TC. So their solution...bring on the balance beam.
This should be an advantage for the women possessing a lower center of gravity.
But this episode is called "Total Dysfunction" for a reason.
Simple rules for this recycled IC. Every player must cross a beam while passing their tribemates but can only touch one player at a time. Fall off the beam and into the ocean--start again. First team to cross all its players onto the platform wins. Losers go to TC.
Figuring "Tarzan" probably overexerted himself with his banana-hanging exhibition the night before, Manono decides to have Greg sit this challenge out.
Kat is up first for Salani; Leif for Manono. Right from the getgo Kat's in trouble. Leif has a much easier go of it, but has a mental lapse and touches two players so both tribes are back to square one. Leif rebounds nicely and makes it across.
Kat falls back into the water.
Next up for Manono--Colton. Twenty-four hours ago Colton felt like a man without a country. Now, the prospect of rubbing himself against several buff men, has him feeling like a fat kid in a bakery. Yes, fat kids need cake, but Colton needs that male touch. With all the guys deciding collectively to "take one for the team" Colton has no problem crossing the beam.
Kat falls back into the water.
Jonas has no trouble making it across opening up a huge lead for Manono. "Troy"zan starts beating his chest. Be careful Troy; Greg is sitting out and observing this IC and may want to take claim to "King Kong" as well.
Kat falls...no make that jumps into the water when she has no need to. This bimbo really is a fish out of water.
Salani has had enough of Kat's ineptness and Monica decides to take a crack at it. She tells her tribe she has a great "core" and it's OK to toss her around. DARN, where were women like that when I was dating??? Anyway, true to her word, she makes it across and puts Salani on the board.
I'll spare everyone the remaining play-by-play and report the inevitable--Manono wins going away. The men get immunity. Sabrina, trying to salvage some positivity out of their debacle, turns to Monica and gives her props. Sadly the other women do not display the same type of sportsmenship.
Chelsea has the audacity to blame their "boobs" for the loss. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? First off, if not for your boobs you probably don't even get casted to begin with. Secondly, the only woman who was successful crossing the beam has a decent set by my observation. I'm surprised we didn't hear a confessional from Kim saying if Manono was comprosed of southern gentlemen from Texas they would have gladly handed the immunity over to Salani.
Nina feels very much at risk. She calls Kat a dumb blond. Somewhere out there Russell Hantz's ears must have perked up and was wishing he gets called back with Kat in the cast.
Sabrina gives a pep talk to Salani (specifically Kat) and says strategy trumps over Rah-Rah attitude. Let me tell you, if I didn't think this was one of the better casts we've had in a while, I'd say let's end the season right now and just give Sabrini the million dollars.
The talk around camp is Kat's ineptness and they need to eliminate the weak link. SNIFF, SNIFF...Do I smell redirection?
Jeff pulls no punches and refers to them as "dysfunctional" and "sixth graders." Nina calls out the five women young-girl alliance, but puts all her emphasis on Kat's ineptness. Kat tells Jeff she's not used to failing. When Jeff asks why, she answers because she never wanted to try anything she might fail at. Sweet Mother of Mercy...where do they find these Losers??? She then calls out Christina as someone who only wants to survive and not a play the game. Christina does not take the bait and says she's ready to move on. When all else fails the tears start flowing. It didn't work for fancypants when Salani kicked him out of their sandbox, but I guess Kat was hoping for better luck.
Sabrina, once again, hits the nail on the head by noting the difference between men and women. She accurately says men would have it out then put it behind them, whereas women allow it to brew. Jeff has heard enough and says it's time to vote.
When it's Kat's turn to vote she holds up Nina's name and says she would have never thrown Nina under the bus. On really?? Can this be true?? I guess that's a tactic you only reserve for Christina? Can this loser be any more delusional???
Yet when the votes are tallied it's: 6 votes Nina, 1 vote Kat, 1 vote Christina. "One World" is just another on the long list of seasons confirming the greatest divide ever known to Reality Shows--Age.
In her parting words Nina predicts the men will take out the women "piece by piece." I have a different prediction. Production will come galloping out on their white horses and either by a favorable challenge/game twist or an early tribal switch rescue the damsels in distress.
NEXT TIME ON SURVIVOR
Here comes the rain. the tarp keeps the men dry. The women are wet and the men could care less. Now that we know his sexual preference, Colton feels the need to share his political affilation with us by saying he's a Republican who "does not believe in handouts." HUH! WHAT! And what does Tinkerbell call the HII Sabrina HANDED to him?
We see Chelsea crying because she is wet and cold. I guess you can't "mess with the Country Gal"...unless you're Mother Nature.