LAST EDITED ON 02-21-12 AT 05:34 AM (EST)
Here is a quick sum for anyone who hasn't seen the first episode, not to take the place of a fully mature adult summary.
18 damn Americans roll up in the back of a flat bed truck typically used by Sudanese rebels.
JP, dropped off via helicopter, welcomes everyone to Survivor and is greeted with an excited cheer. After some chit-chat, he separates everyone by sex and explains that this Survivor is going to be men vs. women part III. He then gives everyone a moment to raid the truck of supplies before they have to head to their beaches.
During the frenzy, one contestant, Michael, realizes that it is easier to just take the women's stuff than to bother with the truck. Little does he know that this one act would set the stage for all that was to follow.
The men and women both seemingly march off in opposite directions, only to end up at the same beach. Everyone is understandably shocked that there is only one beach this time around. The tribes remain segregated by setting up camp on opposite sides of the beach.
Some chickens are seen running around, as apparently the South Pacific is overrun with them. The men and women momentarily join forces to catch them, but when southern hottie, Chelsea, snatches both of them, the women, still simmering over the theft of their supplies, decide to keep both unless the men are willing to trade.
Pride swells the chest of the men, and they refuse to trade anything for what they had already earned. As a middle aged man who calls himself Troyzan says, "We don't need no damn chickens!"
Something the women need but are having no luck with is fire. The men on the other hand have Jay, who makes fire like he just graduated from the Rob Mariano Survivor school.
As soon as the smoke begins to rise, the women suddenly rediscover the men's side of the camp. First, Sabrina offers the chicken the men were supposed to have in the first place. This, of course, is a non-starter. This is actually the best offer the men would get, but like Ving Rhames once said, "Pride never helps. It only hurts."
Alicia and Monica make their way over, and Monica weakly offers the axe that the men already stole from the women. The men laugh. Alicia selflessly offers to have Monica take her pants off. The men tell them that if the women pole dance naked, they'll think about it, and then they laugh harder. Alicia considers it, but Monica is already walking away.
It is night time and the men are lounging around their fire. The women have no such luxury and are walking around in their underwear, their clothes hung up. Kim and Kat decide to try the men again, thinking that it is night time and they are in their underwear, which normally makes men pretty open to suggestion.
Kim and Kat are met halfway by Michael, who is there to dispel their false notions of who is running his tribe as well as to crush their delusion of the men giving them fire out of the kindness of their hearts. Jay shows up and offers the girls no better.
It is the next day and Christina is fed up with not having fire. She approaches Jonas, Bill and Colton and asks if there is some way to work this out. Apparently the women have been properly cowed as Jonas has no problem negotiating some simple work out of the women in exchange for fire. The women don't even have to do the work in their bikinis, for shame.
Alicia is not happy with the deal because Christina is the one who made it. Alicia tells the camera that Christina is making deals with the guys, and she takes her shot at putting on the fedora by stating that Christina will be the first to go.
As Reward Challenges are a thing of the past, we finally have our first Immunity Challenge. It consists of a long drop into a net followed a long balance beam. In both prior seasons of men vs. women, the balance beam was used in challenges and the women won both. However, this time around, the men are even ahead on the balance beam when the challenge is stopped.
Surprise, surprise, as it turns out, Kourtney got her wrist caught underneath her when she dropped down into the net. She is too hurt to complete the challenge. JP mysteriously gives the men the option of winning or continuing with the challenge. Oh, yeah, because we love the balance beam so much. Ah, WINNING. The women are headed to TC.
This would be another bone of contention for the women. Chelsea, the chicken stealer herself, says the men don't care about the women. HAHAHAHA... Kim, the bridal shop owner from Texas, says men are chivalrous in Texas and never would have taken the win. HAHAHAHA... I believe Kim is from La La Land, Texas.
There is zero scrambling by the women, who seem perfectly content to have Kourtney go home.
Sabrina had found a hidden immunity idol in a hollowed out log. Amazingly, the HII is for the men, and she can't keep it. She decides she is going to give it to Colton.
Colton is playing Survivor with a sweater tied around his neck. Yes, that means he is either as gay as Liberace's hairdresser, or he is insane. Either way he has already made it clear to all parties that he is a de facto member of the women's tribe. This makes it INCREDIBLY convenient that the women can supply him with an HII.
Regardless, the men aren't going to TC anyway, so this is a seed for next week.
The women show up at TC. We are all glad that this once again will be the final arbitrator of life within the game.
JP asks about the women getting fire. Christina explains the deal she made. Alicia calls it "shady." Christina tells her to shut her mouth. The women generally act mortified of the threat of a throwdown. Jeff considers it all great fun.
Anyway, JP informs them that poor Kourtney broke her wrist and is out of the game. The women get a gift from production and don't have to vote anyone out. Jeff tells them to get their act together. Thanks, Jeff.
Next week on Survivor - Things allegedly get worse for the women. Yeah, we'll see about that... Isn't that another balance beam I see??