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"“Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 06:12 AM (EST)
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"“Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"

There Once Was a Girl from Nantucket… - Semhar arrives at the beautiful Poet’s Retreat known as Redemption Island. It seems that The Artist Formerly Known as Saint Matthew of Fabio has left her a poem. He also left her a stone tablet with a half-dozen Survivor “commandments” etched on it, but since most of them are recipes for Dolphin Picatta and the rest are very specific death threats against Rob, Ambuh and Ambuh’s stuffed animal, it’s hardly worth a Kindle download. However, the poem reads, “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Vote for me and I’ll set you free” which just proves that Matt was a ball of confusion near the end.

Our *cough* writers have tried to wrap their heads around iambic pentameter with this ditty about Recycle Island that we’ve recreated on singed parchment in order to make it more dramatic:

The basic supplies are included, of that you should have no fear
We called Papa John’s, Pizza Hut and Domino’s
But no one delivers here

The Duel at Anemic Arena is a comin’
Don’t imagine that it’s a lock
If you lose… you cool your heels at Ponderosa
Win… and you’re still stuck on this rock

The heady drama of competition
Suspense about what will transpire
We really couldn’t come up with anything better
Than a buff smoldering in a fire?

Semhar confessionalizes that she has abandonment issues, but she turns her pain into positivity through her poetry. As she recites a rambling poem about some ex-boyfriend who had the good sense to gnaw off his own arm and escape, I raise a glass to my crack Casting Department who, after twenty three seasons still knows the best sanitariums, rehab facilities and wacky religious cult compounds to cruise for fresh meat. Lock that in your house, Big Brother!

”Where’s My Satin Smoking Jacket?” - Meanwhile, at Savior, Cochran tells us that after begging and pleading for his life at Tribal Council, he now plans to “turn on the cool, mellow Cochran instead of the nerdy guy.” That’s like a leopard changing his spots or someone at Uh’postle trying to explain their tats… Oh pierced person, please ink me up with that Tribal flash on the wall that has the word “Foreshadowing” in huge Gothic letters.

Nonetheless, Ozzy and Keith have faith that when the challenges are physical and mental, that’s where Cochran will shine. Unfortunately, there’s little likelihood that the next Challenge will have anything to do with World of Warcraft or rebuilding an Altair 8800.

Ozzy Gets HII - Coach and Edna walk and bond as Coach tells her that he is still smarting from Christine’s remarks at the dramatic reveal-slash-tribe assignment-slash-Challenge loss.

Because Edna was the only one who spoke with Coach after his second place showing, he feels an affinity for her and he’s shrewdly trying to see if he can ease Edna into an alliance. He has a lot of work to do because so far Coach is only allied with Rick, Sophie, Brandon, Albert, a tree frog, a sand crab and three coconuts. For her part, Edna says that she’s “on the bottom of the totem pole.” This either means that she knows that she’s one of the smallest people there and she’s anxious to jump into any operating room that’ll have her, or she’s fantasizing about an exotic sexual position with Native American Elyse.

Over at Savior Cochran is making good on his promise to do more around camp by chopping up coconuts without even being asked. He tells us that his mom didn’t want him to handle a machete without adult supervision, so we can be fairly certain that John’s coconuts are in his mom’s purse at home. Ozzy uses the Cochran coming of age pageant to grab the snorkeling gear and declare that he’s going to do some “float down” fishing. All I can say is that Ozzy must have shotgunned some powerful weed with that snorkle, because his “float down” has him climbing trees and looking for the Hidden Immunity Idol. Ozzy explains his eagle-eyed technique by saying, “Three times around, you start learning what to look for—rocks in trees are a good sign that you’ve found something good.”
Well, at least every word doesn’t have to be translated into English like Rooster Ralph.

There’s Got To Be A Morning After – The next morning Coach and Brandon are discussing their sleeping arrangements and Coach remarks, “I tried to cuddle up with you last night, man. Remember when I asked you if you were cold?” Brandon replies, “Uhh huh. Did you put something over me?”
Yes he did, Brandon. It’s called Chloroform.

Coach or Mikayla. That’s quite a Sophie’s Choice. The ironic thing is that Sophie isn’t even on Brandon’s radar, much less presenting a moral dilemma. Instead, Brandon is whipping his own back with reeds because he hasn’t yet revealed to his new best buddy Coach that he’s Hantz-some. It’s obvious that Brandon has put a lot of thought and planning into how he will broach this difficult subject because he suddenly turns to Coach and says, “Wanna see something cool?” as he pulls up his shirt sleeve and reveals his Lil Hantz tattoo. As the Coach’s brain box struggles to put it all together, he gasps, “That’s not your last name is it?” Brandon reveals that much like Chaz Bono, he used to be a biological female named Lilly Hantz and he has recently undergone gender reassignment surgery. (Note: That probably didn’t happen, but you’ve got to pardon an occasional blackout/ ratings fantasy. You try doing this for eleventy million years.)

Poke-A-Hooker - It’s morning at the Savior camp and “Dance Team Manager” / Indian Princess, Elyse “Ninety Nine Cents*” Umemoto declares that she’s hungry. Assuming her best “yoga fingers” pose she reaches out to her Native American roots. “Teach me to dip nets, oh great ancestors. Teach me to make reservations at the best restaurants and to manipulate the boys into doing what I want.” Call it a two for three win for the great ancestors and just pray that her Native American grandmother “Firm Boulders” lived several teepees over from Phillip’s Native American grandfather, “Screw Loose with Feather”.

Meanwhile the men of Savior are fishing and this gives Jim, the World Poker Champ and Medical Marijuana Pusher Distributor a chance to dispense his wisdom. He tells us that in Survivor “You want to have as many chips as you can for the coming weeks and really, the rest of the game.” This profound logic and his career choices should help wrap up an excellent criminal case against his high school guidance counselor. Jim’s “three plus two” plan includes himself, Keith and Ozzy with Elyse and Whitney representing the Estrogen Ensemble.

If I were a betting man, I’d wager that Brandon is going to give RussHell some serious competition when it comes to total screen time. Brandon grabs his camera crew and tells them that he doesn’t like Mikayla. His rationale is that she’s attractive and seductive and that he doesn’t feel comfortable around her. He goes on to say that “It’s the ones who are good looking and seductive that you want to get rid of.” Clearly, he doesn’t know how television works and he’s trying to give me an aneurysm.

”This Is Not A Picnic” RC/IC - Coach and the rest of Uh’postles stroll over to the Challenge mats while eating some of the biggest candy corn that I’ve ever seen. When asked, Coach tells J PRO that the local fruit is called pandera and that “the tribe that eats pandera together wins together.”
It seems that Savior was opening and eating cans of whup ass, because they unwound the ribbons, unlocked the locks, pushed the crates and came from behind to win the Challenge.

”He Has Demons.” - With the Uh’postles destined for their first TC, the scramble begins. While Coach is harboring a grudge against Christine, he still manages to get support to split the vote and edge Christine or Stacey over to Redemption Island. Meanwhile, Brandon is pushing Sophie and Rick to vote out Mikayla. Coach observes Brandon’s torment over a woman who has done him no harm and tells us that Brandon “has demons that he’s facing on a daily basis that we don’t know about.”

All Are Welcome… - At Tribal Council, the Uh’postles get their fire. In short order J PRO has stirred the pot and Christine is sneering at Coach, and calling him “Mr. Honesty.” Brandon has walked into a trap and ends up confessing that he told Stacey and Christine to vote for Mikayla. Stacey gives NaOnka a run for her money, occasionally pointing her trigger finger at people who’ve been backed into a corner and snapping off convincing “pow” and “boom” mercy killings.

But finally it’s the teacher Christine, who is forced to write “I will go to Redemption Island now” a thousand times on the blackboard.


* Ninety Nine Cents – because Elyse is always under a buck.



Mark "Night Owl" Burnett
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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... caseymagoo 09-22-11 1
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... agman 09-22-11 5
       RE: nice visor caseymagoo 09-22-11 15
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... krismiss2us 09-22-11 22
           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... agman 09-23-11 28
               RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... krismiss2us 09-23-11 35
                   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... agman 09-23-11 36
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... agman 09-22-11 2
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... dabo 09-22-11 13
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... Belle Book 09-22-11 17
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... mrc 09-23-11 24
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... agman 09-23-11 37
 Parv for the Perv suzzee 09-22-11 3
   RE: Parv for the Perv caseymagoo 09-22-11 4
   uh...Mikayla honey... agman 09-23-11 33
       RE: uh...Mikayla honey... krismiss2us 09-27-11 61
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... dabo 09-22-11 6
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... suzzee 09-22-11 7
   Woah! jbug 09-22-11 9
       RE: Woah! agman 09-22-11 11
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... jbug 09-22-11 8
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... suzzee 09-23-11 25
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... agman 09-23-11 38
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... cahaya 09-24-11 50
 RКто гl... Brownroach 09-22-11 10
   RE: RКто г&... Belle Book 09-23-11 40
   RE: RКто г&... agman 09-24-11 45
   RE: RКто г&... krismiss2us 09-27-11 63
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... kingfish 09-22-11 12
   RE: thanks! caseymagoo 09-22-11 16
       RE: thanks! dabo 09-22-11 19
       RE: thanks! suzzee 09-23-11 27
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... suzzee 09-23-11 26
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... kingfish 09-23-11 39
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... RollDdice 09-23-11 31
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... kingfish 09-23-11 34
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... michel 09-24-11 42
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... kingfish 09-24-11 44
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... MissMyth 09-22-11 14
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... Belle Book 09-22-11 18
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... krismiss2us 09-22-11 21
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... Belle Book 09-23-11 41
           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... krismiss2us 09-24-11 47
               RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... Belle Book 09-24-11 49
                   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... krismiss2us 09-24-11 51
                       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... Belle Book 09-25-11 52
                           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... krismiss2us 09-27-11 59
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... Scarlett O Hara 09-22-11 20
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... jbug 09-23-11 30
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... michel 09-24-11 43
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... qwertypie 09-23-11 23
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... suzzee 09-23-11 29
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... kingfish 09-23-11 32
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... krismiss2us 09-24-11 48
 Positivity kingfish 09-24-11 46
   RE: Positivity michel 09-26-11 53
       RE: Positivity kingfish 09-27-11 54
           RE: Positivity RollDdice 09-27-11 55
               RE: Positivity MissMyth 09-27-11 57
           RE: Positivity michel 09-28-11 64
               RE: Positivity kingfish 09-28-11 66
       RE: Positivity krismiss2us 09-27-11 60
           RE: Positivity michel 09-28-11 65
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... jbug 09-27-11 56
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A... agman 09-27-11 58
       I feel so dirty suzzee 09-27-11 62

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caseymagoo 59 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 08:26 AM (EST)
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1. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
I'm no NaOnka, I do full service funerals - Shoot 'em, Shine 'em, Submerge 'em. Got a few people on my list already. Christine - Pow. All I did was talk to big-mouth and that got me votes. Brandon - Boom. Creepy little dude telling me who to vote for. Coach -Boom. He should fear the eye roll.


>

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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 10:11 AM (EST)
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5. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Let me guess, your slogan is "you kill em, we chill em!"

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caseymagoo 59 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 01:42 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: nice visor"
that's right flip-hat lady but if business is slow, i take care of things myself!

>

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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 11:50 PM (EST)
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22. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Seriously Edna, what's with that thing on your head? You look like a doofus


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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 10:18 AM (EST)
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28. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
You don't like it? I wear it so I will look more "survivorish" I certainly don't get too many sound bites so I was hoping this could help me stand out!



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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 05:52 PM (EST)
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35. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
yeah edna, you stand out...like a sore....SOmething's wrong with my thumb! BURNETT!!! I need a massage!


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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 07:01 PM (EST)
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36. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Oh nuts, I guess I'm going to have to wear it in conjunction with my spraying of happy gas around the camp!


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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 09:20 AM (EST)
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2. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Oh.my.god. Could I have been anymore invisible last night?? I mean really...I bring all the happy gas to the island, even let people pull my finger, and what do I get for it? NOTHING! I was a complete non-factor in last night's show. Maybe I should start a relationship....gag...with coach so I can get some camera time!



OOOH, I'm gonna need a lot of happy gas though!

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dabo 25344 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 12:44 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Honey, lay off the happy gas and get your story straight, mmkay.


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Belle Book 3556 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 04:42 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Maybe if you find me, you'll get quite a bit of happy gas. I hope you find me -- or at least that the Troll's nephew doesn't.


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mrc 10020 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 09:23 AM (EST)
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24. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
My lovely Asian flower, I am not tempted by my loins like Brandon. I am in full control of my nether regions and thus have no interest in satisfying your lustful desires (although if I needed to, "Lil' Coach" would rock your world!!!)

Tribefied

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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 07:08 PM (EST)
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37. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
ooooh....as far as little coach goes...ah eh....I'm without a magnifying glass so maybe we should have this talk when little coach grows up so to speak!



Somehow I think maybe you and Brandon would be a great match. I saw him reading a comic book called "dickless tracey" so I think you two may have a lot in common!

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 09:33 AM (EST)
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3. "Parv for the Perv"
Brandon you smarmy, spineless, Russell wanna-be. So you think you've made mistakes in the PAST??? That's nothing to the mistakes you're making by saying I should go because I'm scaring your gonads into to your armpits.

You are heading for the beat down of a lifetime Brandon't, I play tackle football. Now, cower before me.



You can take the girl out of Jersey but you can't take the Jersey out of the girl!

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caseymagoo 59 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 09:46 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: Parv for the Perv"
I'm keeping my eye on you too - watch out. I will find out who voted for me and then boom!

>

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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 05:00 PM (EST)
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33. "uh...Mikayla honey..."
We hate to burst your bubble so to speak, but Brandon is a little more interested in us than in just little old you! We're sorry if the truth hurts!



I just love attention!

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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-27-11, 06:29 PM (EST)
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61. "RE: uh...Mikayla honey..."

I have to say, they are some nice oobies. Gotta get me some...


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dabo 25344 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 10:35 AM (EST)
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6. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
I could have found that idol on the first day but it would have taken me a week to climb that tree. And, darnit, I really wanted to do the maypole part, Cochran beat me to it.


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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 10:40 AM (EST)
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7. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"

BTS Thursday Morning Office Chair Review

Mark "Redemption Island is MY idea" Burnett has turned up the snark and set the bar (rather then passing out under the bar) this season and BTS has had more hits then a lingerie football league. Well done MB and your little gorilla too.

And the Hits keep coming.....

As she recites a rambling poem about some ex-boyfriend who had the good sense to gnaw off his own arm and escape, I raise a glass to my crack Casting Department who, after twenty three seasons still knows the best sanitariums, rehab facilities and wacky religious cult compounds to cruise for fresh meat.

As I was watching this I thought to myself, "Self, where in the known or unknown multi-verse did they find the only person that has simultaneously never seen any reality TV and truly can't believe that total strangers would kick such an awesome poet to the sandy curb. "Cold hearted," she claims in disbelief. Poor Subpar, take that, and that, and shut-up.

Dungeons & Dragons & Demons OH MY

Couldn't you just hear Mama Cochran wailing for her baby boy? I heard the twang of apron strings snapping and Cochran's voice dropping an octave all the way from here. The collective gasp from the World of Warcraft rooms sucked the air out of basements all over the world. Today I am a MAN. Good for you sugar.

Brandon replies, “Uhh huh. Did you put something over me?”
Yes he did, Brandon. It’s called Chloroform.

Best.Line.Ever excellent you da man, now come and get the coffee out of my keyboard.

"Benevolent Despot" or "Coach" or "You can call me Daddy" has enfolded Brandon, married with Demons and Edna, concubine in waiting, in his bat-like dragon wings. Too bad he tried to cuddle with Brandon (Have you ever seen a gladiator movie?) while keeping Edna on the bottom of his totem pole. >code violations so soon in the season? Really?<

OzzFest 2011

“Three times around, you start learning what to look for—rocks in trees are a good sign that you’ve found something good.”

What really happened

“Three times around, you start learning what to look for, letting Mr. Cameraman drag me to the beach, push me up a tree, and follow the blue line right to the rare South Pacific Rock Fruit Tree this a good sign that you’ve found something good.” Who knew Ozzy needed handholding???

I'm sure Parvati and Amanda were shocked to know he's looking for something other then a date this time around.

Double Bonus Triple word score

“Wanna see something cool?” as he pulls up his shirt sleeve and reveals his Lil Hantz tattoo. As the Coach’s brain box struggles to put it all together, he gasps, “That’s not your last name is it?” Brandon reveals that much like Chaz Bono, he used to be a biological female named Lilly Hantz and he has recently undergone gender reassignment surgery.

OMG-pace yourself Dice, this was one of the funniest BTS's I've seen yet.


Sequestered and Pampered~thanks Zenbot & agman


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jbug 16685 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 10:50 AM (EST)
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9. "Woah!"
Who let a hamster on this island?


Tennessee girls have fire and ice in our blood! We can ride 4wheelers and horses, be a princess, love with a passion, throw left hooks, fish and hunt with the guys, and if we have an opinion you're gonna hear it! Proud to be one....

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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 11:07 AM (EST)
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11. "RE: Woah!"
Aren't hamsters entitled to a vacation too?


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jbug 16685 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 10:48 AM (EST)
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8. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
I know my strategy seems very UTR, but
what I plan to do is just sing for the production crew day after day until at least merge.
That's why no one sees me yet.
It's like I'm invincible invisible.



Tennessee girls have fire and ice in our blood! We can ride 4wheelers and horses, be a princess, love with a passion, throw left hooks, fish and hunt with the guys, and if we have an opinion you're gonna hear it! Proud to be one....

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 09:57 AM (EST)
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25. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
I thought I was UTR too but watch out the trees have eyes, and some heavy breathing.


You can take the girl out of Jersey but you can't take the Jersey out of the girl!

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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 07:12 PM (EST)
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38. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Oh for the life of us, we just can't think what could possibly cause heavy breathing! But both of us did hear it. ooohhlala


I just love attention!

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cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
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09-24-11, 09:21 PM (EST)
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50. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Well, I reckon as we was both invisible, we must a been together somewhere not visible!

I like me a country strong gal, yup.

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Brownroach 14241 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 11:04 AM (EST)
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10. "RКто голосовал за меня?"
LAST EDITED ON 09-22-11 AT 11:08 AM (EST)

Это было что окольный толчок Brandon?

Who voted for me? Was it that devious jerk Brandon?

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Belle Book 3556 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 08:18 PM (EST)
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40. "RE: RКто голосовал за меня?"
Nah. I heard one of the crew say when they went to check on me that Stacey had voted for you.


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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-24-11, 10:08 AM (EST)
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45. "RE: RКто голосовал за меня?"
we sure didn't vote for you



I just love attention!


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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-27-11, 09:53 PM (EST)
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63. "RE: RКто голосовал за меня?"
Do you really think you have a shot with Coach? Isn't he, well....Coach?


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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 12:15 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Someone thinks that they own this school just because someone who shall remain unnamed (OK, you wormed it out of me, it was that infamously sleazy rat and cheater, Senor Pissario) had three of a kind when I held two pair.

But while that rat is sleeping (my girls all have passed Roofie Basic Skills 101, heh heh) I have a moment to assure the audience and my fanclub's members (members in the anatomical sense) that I, MissyPissy (Senorita Pissarita here in my new hideout) am well. I am keeping my head down because the US Marshalls haven't given up in their desire to serve those pesky subpoenas yet, and Senor Pissario is there to take the hit if shooting should commence. So that is why I let him win that hand.

Anyway, I am fine and me and my girls, the Raunchettes, are dreaming up mischief and mayhem like never before. In between siestas and cervezas and the occasional peyote party. Which takes up all of our time so truth be known, we are falling behind a little in the mayhem department. But we will catch up.

Mañana.

During my daily burro ride along the Rio Grande, I was hit in the head by a Frisbee tossed from across the river by my inside spoiler source, *not-Russell Hantz, and tied to it were some spoilers with new stuff that I hadn't seen before, and that I am going to share with you. Just you. No one else. So keep this under your hat.

Spoiler #1: Jim will surprise his tribemates with his culinary skills when he introduces his 'special' coconut brownies to camp. Although everyone likes them, all camp work stops, all talk of strategy stops, and no one can stop smiling. The camera crew begins to remark about how cool the lizards are, what great colors, and to wonder aloud why Crabs are so crawly aroundy... then they break down in laughter when they realize what they just said.


Spoiler #2: This week the castaways will be surprised, entertained, and awed when a super-megastar movie producer and comedian, Woody Allen, comes into camp. However he isn't there to entertain, he is there to complain about Cochran poaching on his persona, and threatening EPMB with a mega infringement lawsuit.

Spoiler #3: Semhar is practicing her 1-1/2 foot free throw skills with which she intends to wow the crowd next time, when Christine stumbles into camp.

And, of course being the BS "smoking word artist" that she is, was moved to smoke the following:

Christine is in camp
Christine is a tramp
I hate Christine because she is not me
I will speak the poem of death, Die Bitcheree.

Spoiler #4: Coach will promise that there will be an ass whipping at TC. What he will fail to remember (again) is that whenever there has been an ass whipping, it is been his ass that got whipped. But it gets whipped with integrity and honor, and that's all that counts, isn't it coach? You imbecile.

(*Disclaimer. Dammit, I call disclaimer!)


Tribal art. Great summary, RD. You obviously had a much more poetic morning that I had. Also, good job Suz. Heck, everyone is hot this morning. Good job all around. Impressive first effort, Caseymagoo.



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caseymagoo 59 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 01:47 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: thanks!"
I'm a rookie at posting but been lurking for years with tears of laughter roll down my face. I can only hope to keep up


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dabo 25344 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 05:37 PM (EST)
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19. "RE: thanks!"
Honey, it's a shame we aren't on the same tribe, I would totally have your back. I'm that good. Yep, role model, that's me!


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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 10:09 AM (EST)
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27. "RE: thanks!"
Just jump in and float down the gutter with the rest of us, welcome to BTS caseymagoo!


A Tribe masterpiece


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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 10:06 AM (EST)
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26. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"

How's this? OK let's dish. Jim = cook, Cochran = Woody, Semhar = Casting Gufu, Coach = Brandon's new daddy.


I've been a little distracted since I saw this, is that you Senor Pissario?


Your Low Rent Island Getaway

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 07:40 PM (EST)
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39. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Magic trick:

The little hat will seem to levitate.

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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 01:43 PM (EST)
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31. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
A tip of the sombrerro to Senor Pissaro and a tweak of the tatas to Senorita Pissarita por todo, especially for Spoiler #2.

I was holding a Cochran as Woody Allen/ Edna as Soon Yi gambit for a future episode, but in your infinite (tequilla infused) wisdom you were able to worm your way to the truth.



Mark "Spoiled by the Spoilers" Burnett
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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 05:21 PM (EST)
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34. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Ehhh, go ahead. After Jim passes out another batch of his 'special' coconut brownies, everyone will forget what they heard this week. I guess that was your plan all along.

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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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09-24-11, 02:20 AM (EST)
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42. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
80 percent of succes is showing up.
Why would the castaways need Woody Allen to be entertained when they have me and my mom?
Couldn't you just picture George Costanza's mother yelling: "Don't use the machete, you'll hurt yourself."
I'm telling you, I am comedy gold.

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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09-24-11, 08:58 AM (EST)
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44. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"

...I am comedy gold.

According to sources, that is the real basis for the lawsuit.


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MissMyth 352 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 01:18 PM (EST)
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14. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Oh great spirit of the waters, cast fish upon the beach that I may eat! Golly, I think I'm getting the hang of this camping bit. Oooo, oooo, someone wants me to be in their alliance? I am SO awesome.

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Belle Book 3556 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 04:43 PM (EST)
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18. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Well, Ozzy found me on Savaii. I'm okay with that -- as long as he remembers to use me when it counts!

As for Upolu, I hope Edna finds me -- or at least that the Troll's nephew doesn't. He's really fixated on Mikayla, isn't he? Not good!


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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 11:49 PM (EST)
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21. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Stupid immunity idol. Need to start hiding these at challenges. Burnett!!! Where are my freshly laundered khakis?


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Belle Book 3556 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 08:22 PM (EST)
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41. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
You need to hide us better from returning players. They know where to look, as Ozzy demonstrated.


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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-24-11, 03:54 PM (EST)
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47. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"

It's not just returning players - look at Hanz (not the Nazi) - he found you without any help. I'm tellin ya, it's gotta be done at the challenges. STupid burnett won't listen to me. Idiot


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Belle Book 3556 desperate attention whore postings
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09-24-11, 04:19 PM (EST)
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49. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Don't remind me of Troll! Ugh!


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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-24-11, 10:57 PM (EST)
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51. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
You looooooove the troll. You want to kiiiiiiss the troll. You want to maaaaaaaarry the troll.


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Belle Book 3556 desperate attention whore postings
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09-25-11, 08:20 PM (EST)
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52. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
No, I don't! Now get lost before I hit you over the head!


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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-27-11, 06:27 PM (EST)
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59. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
*smooch smoochy* Idol and troll sittin' in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

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Scarlett O Hara 3259 desperate attention whore postings
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09-22-11, 09:00 PM (EST)
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20. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Third times a charm, alright! How easy was that. Finding the Hidden Immunity Idol was easier this time around. You just have to know what to look for and where to look. When you find a rock in a tree, you just know you're about to find something good!

This time around, I'm not telling any one that I have it. This is my ticket to the end game!

Now that I've got the idol and my concubine is on Redemption Island, I've got nothing else to bide my time with, so I guess it is time to perform and provide for my tribe!


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jbug 16685 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 11:49 AM (EST)
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30. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
~~snuggles in close~~~



Tennessee girls have fire and ice in our blood! We can ride 4wheelers and horses, be a princess, love with a passion, throw left hooks, fish and hunt with the guys, and if we have an opinion you're gonna hear it! Proud to be one....

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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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09-24-11, 02:24 AM (EST)
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43. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Last time you put a stick with a face in place of the real idol. This time? Nothing...Boring.
Most of the time, you don't seem like you are much fun. The rest of the time, you are not fun at all.

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qwertypie 9721 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 01:41 AM (EST)
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23. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Liar, Liar
Pants on Fire!
You all suck
I'd drive over you with a truck
cause I got abandonment issues
Pass the tissues

You're so fake,
I'll spit in your cake and stab you with a rake
Cause I was looking for some healin'
And was feelin'
The best solution
for some resolution
Was the cast by Mark Burnett.
Durn it!



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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 10:19 AM (EST)
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29. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Abandonment issues? There's way more issues you got there then just abandonment issues. You're scary crazy and you've got a reservation in the Ponderosa rubber room.

Come on Cristine, you can take her.


Your Low Rent Island Getaway

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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09-23-11, 02:51 PM (EST)
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32. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
LAST EDITED ON 09-23-11 AT 08:39 PM (EST)

Estoy deeply moved, Semhar. You are officially invited to become the *non-inside spoiler source and BS spoken word artist for the school of really really raunchy girls, temporarily on the run in Mexico.

(*Legal disclaimer. We will protect and never reveal our inside sources, you know, like we never tell on the *Hantz clan)


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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-24-11, 03:56 PM (EST)
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48. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
Semhar, everyone whines when they get voted off, but at least they don't do stupid poems. Do we really need to be subjected to that?


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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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09-24-11, 02:01 PM (EST)
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46. "Positivity "
Whoo boy is it ever hot here. Aye caramba!.

Don't let anybody tell you the Mexican Sierras are cool places to wreak mayhem. It is so hot that my girls, the fabuloso Ranchitaritas de Raunchyville, decided to cool it for a while and take their Vespa hogs off line for a little maintenance and repair. They been cooking up kidnap and ransom schemes, running their 'escort me or die' business, and making grown men weep with pleasure while begging for more pain, but hombre, in this heat even the Raunchitas, they got to cool out. Que caliente.

So we decided to take a day off and get wet. We're here in a secluded mountain pool fed by a artesian spring drinking the cervesa frio and eating food that the locals provide for us (or else), and in the process getting clean again. Frankly we were having to make some of the girls, the really really raunchiest of them, ride in the rear of the pack, they were really stinko. So everything is getting better.

And I have a moment to share with you the latest in insider spoilers that I found under a rock by the pool, left there by my faithful insider source (*not Hantz), and I swear (I am putting my hand on my heart) by all that is raunchy, these are the very truth.

Spoiler #1: Jim, the poker champ says he has an advantage over the others because he can 'read' the others and tell who is lying. And is he full of it. They play "Go Fishing" and right away he calls a clock on Ozzie who raises Jim on the river, only to reveal an open ended flush. Then they both pass the joint to Keith who grins and pretends to get the joke. Jim also grins and pretends that he remembers what he was going to say.

Spoiler #2: Dolphin Boy will get mugged by a monkey when he attempts to steal the monkey's favorite rock from his tree borne stash of pretty rocks. Says DB, "Oh so that's what a rock is doing up in a tree."

Spoiler #3: Mikaela's Oobies continue to taunt Brandon, and tempt him with eternal damnation (yawn). Although her ears are also vying for his attention, they aren't really playing the same league. Afterall, titties been tempting Brandon all his life, big titties, little titties, saggy titties, bird titties, lizard titties, elephant titties...titties titties titties...and ears just been flapping in the breeze.

Spoiler #4: After the next TC, Jim will steal the snuffer thinking it will make a great pipe. The night camera man, after filming Coach and Brandon cuddling far into the night, will catch Jim en flagrante (just as he caught Coach) and make him return the snuffer to EPMB who will reward him for his honesty by toking up with him and the cameraman.

(*disclaimer. And this is one hot and heavy disclaimer, maybe the disiest claimer of all time. Or maybe not).


Tribephyl farts, Senor Pisarrio holds breath.

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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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09-26-11, 08:13 PM (EST)
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53. "RE: Positivity "
What? No spoilers about moi?

Here's a freebie:

It is impossible to experience one's torch being smuffed objectively and still carry a tune: I will be singing at the end of this.

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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09-27-11, 09:09 AM (EST)
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54. "RE: Positivity "
Oh si si, there es uno mas. On the back of the note there is uno mas. I not see it before.

Spoiler #5: John Cochran will demand that Proboscis shall call him "The" Cochran. Not John or just Cochran anymore, nor will he accept "Thuh" Cochran, it has to be "The Cochran" delivered in a deep stentorian voice, because he has decided to turn himself from a wimpy translucent guy with genital exposure issues to a wimpy translucent guy with genital exposure and self-identification issues. Stay tuned next week for his startling announcement that he is to henceforth be known as "Miss TheCochran". But that's not all, because even later still he will announce himself as "The Reverend Mr. and Mrs. TheCochran", after which he will go batshit crazy and fly off into the jungle and be found hanging from a Casaba tree branch by his toenails humming "I am the Walrus".

On a related note, the tribe decides to call Papa Bare "Poopy Bear" for undisclosed but obvious reasons.


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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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09-27-11, 11:24 AM (EST)
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55. "RE: Positivity "
I hope Cocharoonie remembers that "The Specialist"©, "The Mastermind"© and "The Enforcer"© are already copyrighted and it looks like Elyse has quickly sewn up the Native American vote, so no "walks with SPF 150" naming opportunities for the Paleface.



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MissMyth 352 desperate attention whore postings
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09-27-11, 12:27 PM (EST)
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57. "RE: Positivity "
Native American and Japanese American and German American. I have many and varied ancesters I honor with my sunrise supplications.

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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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09-28-11, 05:37 PM (EST)
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64. "RE: Positivity "
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.

Yes senor pisarrio, I am many people but a reverend? I don't know if God exists but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.

goo goo g'joob

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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09-28-11, 06:41 PM (EST)
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66. "RE: Positivity "
I shall pass your comments on to my inside spoiler (*not a Hantz) for confirmation. However there was one additional spoiler on the back of that note that you might want to take note of,

Spoiler #6: After receiving an urgent telegram from the EPMB after the weeks ratings were received from the Nielsens, Proboscis will ask Johnny C (what he wanted to be called that day) to please not take his clothes off when he goes swimming. Or any other time.

(*Disclaimer. Please note...DISCLAIMER!)



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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-27-11, 06:28 PM (EST)
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60. "RE: Positivity "
You, Cochran, are as cocky as Coach, but without the charm and funny stories.


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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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09-28-11, 05:42 PM (EST)
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65. "RE: Positivity "
I know you love me.


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jbug 16685 desperate attention whore postings
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09-27-11, 11:54 AM (EST)
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56. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"
I've got this game in the bag....
http://www.countryweekly.com/news/major-website-picks-whitney-win-survivor

When I said I would....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scEUZK-F15w&feature=player_embedded


Tennessee girls have fire and ice in our blood! We can ride 4wheelers and horses, be a princess, love with a passion, throw left hooks, fish and hunt with the guys, and if we have an opinion you're gonna hear it! Proud to be one....

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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-27-11, 01:04 PM (EST)
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58. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep02: “A Poet, a Pre-Pubescent and a Pervert walk into a Survivor.”"

NO, actually we have this game in the bag bra


I just love attention!

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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09-27-11, 09:20 PM (EST)
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62. "I feel so dirty"
I'm speechless.

You're gonna poke your eye out with never you mind what is going to get poked out with.

I wonder how much mileage I can get out of the girls?


You can take the girl out of Jersey but you can't take the Jersey out of the girl!

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