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"“Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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09-15-11, 06:31 AM (EST)
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"“Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""

Pick Any Helicopter You Like Under The Awning Marked ‘Economy’ Eleven years, twenty three seasons, millions of dollars in advertising revenue and CBS is still trying to squeeze my neck until quarters pop out of my ears. “Economize” they say. I remember the glory days when we had an Apocalypse Now-like armada of helicopters; one for Jiffy, one for contestants, one each for the “mystery” returning players, and one just for my champagne, hookers and blow. Now we’re down to one rickety rental that was last used on “The A-Team”—not the movie, but the episode back in 1983 when they had to drug “B.A.” Baracus to get him on a helicopter because he was afraid to fly. Oh wait, that was every episode.

Back in Survivor airspace, the Malaysian cab driver they’re trying to pass off as a real pilot pulls through some choppy air and Coach tells us that he wants to “control his sense of self-righteousness and judgment on the others” and that he’s planning to play the game of Survivor with “honor and integrity.” I’d tell him that there’s a difference between having character and being a character, but I glance over at Ozzy who’s leaning out the side door, staring at the ocean below us, trying to speak dolphin.

Last year the CBS “No One Left Behind” message involved explaining how Redemption Island worked. That was so successful that the marketing geniuses have determined that the entire theme this season is “Redemption”. Coach is going to avenge his previous two losses by being a better person, while Ozzy has decided that his redemption rides on his maturity and better strategy. I just know that I’m going to be redeeming food stamps by the time this season ends.

The CBS accountants continue to pinch pennies as the contestants paddle canoes in from the ocean. We are introduced to a small appetizer platter of Survivor players, including John Cochran who tells us that he’s never missed watching an episode of Survivor and that he once wrote a prizing winning essay on Survivor in law school. Not to indulge in any foreshadowing, but the 97-pound Survivor Geek who knows every aspect of the game may not go very far in Challenges. Unless the Challenges involve rolling polyhedral dice in someone’s basement rec room. Then there’s Funeral Director Stacey who confessionalizes that “When you think I’m asleep… I’m not asleep. I’m gonna be nosey as hell.” This is quite a change from NaOnka who was just noisy as hell. Then there’s Brandon Hantz who compares his situation as Russell Hantz’s nephew to “being related to Hitler, but I don’t think Hitler’s nephew was running around saying, ‘Hey, I’m Hitler’s nephew’. Wow, re-routing the neighbor’s cable to your trailer home and watching the History Channel really paid off there.

Brandon also remarks that “I came out here to change the course of the Hantz family name.” This is going to be a challenge. Besides a wacky neck tattoo that seems to say “Loco” if you turn your head and squint just right, Brandon has two other tattoos on his upper body that feature his surname.
It’s almost as if someone thought that the 19-year-old had a habit of wandering off, and needed to be monogrammed -- the same way you put your kid’s name in his underwear before you send him to summer camp. (Triple word score for the oblique Phillip/underwear reference.)

All Brandon has to do is keep his left arm and back of his neck covered so that no one sees his tattoos. Left arm… covered. Redneck… covered. Sort of like the old Milton Bradley Tattoo Twister board game. For 39 days. With the heat and humidity that some have described as “living inside the Devil’s own Hot Pocket.”

That’s Kinda Vague. You’re Going To Have To Be A Little More Pacific – It’s clear that we’re in the lower rent district of the Pacific Islands as the helicopter hovers. No more Redemption Island Arena that resembles a tremendous Roman gladiator school. Instead, this looks like a bad Frontierland at the failed Disneyland in Botswana.

Jiffy welcomes everyone to the Arena and tells the two tribes that they are not yet complete. The helicopter arrives with great fanfare and two figures run like Vic Morrow in Twilight Zone: The Movie from the never-safety-inspected chopper. Ozzy arrives first to a healthy round of applause. Coach is close enough behind that he can hear the applause drop to the ground, wither and die as soon as the two tribes see him and his ‘Coach’ Collection by Target printed shirt.

Mikayla sums up the difference between Ozzy and Coach pretty clearly: “Ozzy… this guy can climb, he can fish, he’s fast. Someone you want to have on your tribe. And then there’s Coach. He’s going to be so loony and out there. He’s going to be nuts.” Christine goes even farther by mocking Coach with a dead-on Ralph Macchio Crane Stance and calls Coach and Ozzy “temporary players.” Take that, Cobra Kai Dojo!

But there’s more from the Peanut Gallery. Survivor Superfan John Cochran wants Jiffy to call him “Cochran” as he’s sure that he’ll quickly become one of Jiffy’s favorite players, much like the dysfunctional law firm of Donaldson, Penner & Mariano.

It seems that we can’t afford lower third credits or painted stones this season, so Jiffy has Ozzy and Coach each break an egg shell filled with paint. Coach draws blue for the Upload tribe and Ozzy smashes his egg to reveal red paint, representing Save As. As each returning contestant walks to his respective group, Coach acknowledges that his tribe doesn’t like him very much and that he’s going to have to have “twice the Slayer charm to get through the next few days.”

Turtle to King’s Bishop 3 – This is no “Getting to Know You” Summer Cotillion. Jiffy announces that Coach and Ozzy will immediately compete in the first challenge. They will each climb up a 12’ pole to retrieve a wooden turtle, then dig and slide under a log. Finally they will solve a puzzle that involves moving smaller and larger wooden discs amongst three tables. What is supposed to be an individual competition becomes a tribe effort as each side starts yelling encouragement and puzzle advice. Ultimately, Ozzy wins for Save As and his tribe takes home Taro and fire in the form of a flint.

Camp Life – At Save As, Ozzy tells everyone that this is the best tribe that he’s ever been on. He declares that “we shouldn’t break our necks” building a shelter – that they should take a swim instead. “Swim” seems to be code for Phillip Flashback as the members of Save As strip off their clothes and dash into the ocean in their underwear. Retired police officer Caruso at least tries to get a grip on his tighty blue-ees as he rides his Jockeys into the waves. Cochran whines about his “translucent skin” and stresses about being nearly in the buff without a buff.

Once in the water, the tribe members get to know each other by going around the circle and talking about what they do for a living. This bonding and trust exercise is strengthened by the fact that a couple of them are lying through their teeth. Jim Rice turns his Medical Marijuana Dispensary Owner/Pro Poker Player double career into “high school science teacher”, but that sounds boring even to him, so it morphs into “Uhm, actually Forensic Science.” How’s that, Jim? You have the sophomores killing the freshmen while the seniors analyze blood spatter and semen? HS-CSI-OMG.

In the same spirit, Mark Anthony reveals that he’s a retired cop, he’s gay and that wants to be called “Papa Bear”. Make that HS-CSI-OMG-TMI.

Meanwhile, over at Upload, Coach and his tribe are putting together their shelter. Mikayla, the Playboy cover model is jumping all over the structure, waving her palm fronds to and fro. Brandon can handle “to”, but he’s having a lot of problems with “fro”. He says that while he’s strayed from his Church in the past, he’s back now. Apparently, Mikayla flaunts herself without knowing it and the tattooed “young married gentleman” is about to have the vapors, which looks a lot like a pervert staring at an attractive young woman.

Immunity Challenge: “Spiderman And The Web Of Coconuts” - No Bono, Edge or harnesses here. Tribes have to race through pathways, power through a web of coconuts and over a ten foot wall. Once everyone’s on the appropriate mat, you dig up a machete and chop the rope to release a bin of coconuts. Toss the coconuts into a net bag to raise the flag. Total cost: $20 for the coconuts. CBS suits are happy.

Coach and his Upload tribe get through to the wall just ahead of Ozzy and Save As. John Cochran (AKA: Cochran, AKA: Survivor Superfan, AKA: Not OJ’s lawyer) approaches the wall and suddenly says, “What am I doing?”. It’s as if he hit the wall and then hit the wall. Ozzy and his tribemates manage to throw him over the wall. It’s close as both teams get into position to shoot their coconuts into the net bag. Mikayla is a scoring machine for Upload, while Semhar, who lobbied for the position, just doesn’t have the strength to toss her coconuts in for Save As. When it’s all said and done, Upload wins, earning Immunity, a flint and a clue to a Hidden Immunity Idol.

(to be continued wrapped up efficiently when I can focus again...)




Mark "90 minute premiere? Who authorized that?" Burnett
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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... kingfish 09-15-11 1
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... suzzee 09-15-11 4
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... michel 09-15-11 15
           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... suzzee 09-16-11 20
               RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... agman 09-16-11 26
           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... cahaya 09-16-11 36
 And Away we goooooooooooo............. suzzee 09-15-11 2
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... dabo 09-15-11 3
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... cahaya 09-16-11 32
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... agman 09-15-11 5
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... suzzee 09-15-11 6
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... cahaya 09-16-11 34
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... jbug 09-15-11 7
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... Dakota 09-15-11 10
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... Scarlett O Hara 09-15-11 8
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... jbug 09-15-11 9
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... suzzee 09-15-11 11
           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... RollDdice 09-16-11 31
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... qwertypie 09-15-11 14
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... krismiss2us 09-16-11 48
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... Scarlett O Hara 09-18-11 56
           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... michel 09-18-11 65
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... michel 09-15-11 16
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... krismiss2us 09-16-11 49
           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... michel 09-18-11 59
               RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... krismiss2us 09-18-11 66
                   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... michel 09-18-11 68
                       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... krismiss2us 09-19-11 71
                           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... agman 09-19-11 72
                           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... jbug 09-19-11 73
   Hey, Dolphinboy dabo 09-16-11 38
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... Belle Book 09-15-11 12
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... krismiss2us 09-15-11 13
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... cahaya 09-16-11 37
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... krismiss2us 09-16-11 50
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... Belle Book 09-16-11 52
           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... Scarlett O Hara 09-18-11 55
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... michel 09-15-11 17
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... agman 09-16-11 27
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... cahaya 09-16-11 46
           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... michel 09-18-11 60
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... kingfish 09-15-11 18
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... suzzee 09-16-11 21
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... agman 09-16-11 25
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... jbug 09-16-11 22
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... Molaholic 09-15-11 19
 Gather 'round, children mrc 09-16-11 23
   RE: Gather 'round, children agman 09-16-11 24
       RE: Gather 'round, children cahaya 09-16-11 35
           RE: Gather 'round, children krismiss2us 09-16-11 51
               RE: Gather 'round, children RollDdice 09-19-11 75
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... jbug 09-16-11 28
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... agman 09-16-11 29
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... michel 09-18-11 61
           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... agman 09-18-11 62
               RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... michel 09-18-11 63
                   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... agman 09-18-11 67
                       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... michel 09-18-11 69
                           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... agman 09-19-11 74
                               RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... cahaya 09-20-11 77
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... kingfish 09-16-11 30
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... suzzee 09-16-11 39
 RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... Karchita 09-16-11 33
   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... agman 09-16-11 40
       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... Karchita 09-16-11 41
           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... Brownroach 09-16-11 42
               RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... Karchita 09-16-11 43
                   RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... suzzee 09-16-11 44
                       RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... Karchita 09-16-11 45
                           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... Brownroach 09-16-11 47
                               RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... Belle Book 09-17-11 53
                               RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... mrc 09-18-11 64
                           RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "E... agman 09-18-11 58
 Strapped kingfish 09-17-11 54
   RE: Strapped Flowerpower 09-18-11 57
   RE: Strapped suzzee 09-19-11 70
   RE: Strapped agman 09-19-11 76
 El Pollo, kingfish 09-20-11 78
   RE: El Pollo, cahaya 09-20-11 79
       RE: El Pollo, kingfish 09-20-11 80
   The Island speaks.......Klaatu bara... suzzee 09-21-11 81

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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09-15-11, 09:31 AM (EST)
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1. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
LAST EDITED ON 09-15-11 AT 03:05 PM (EST)

Hello, Hello, How are you my babies? It is I Senor Pissario. I used to be someone else, but all that's behind me now as is (hopefully) that squad of subpoena servers that chased after us last season.

You will be pleased to hear that the Hideout Home for Raunchy Girls has been graduated to Mexico! Well, I prefer to think of it as having been graduated, even though an angry mob of locals carrying pitchforks and shotguns was involved. Still the upshot is that we are now broadcasting from somewhere deep in the Mexican Rocky Mountains, up where the air is free and the women are also free. Not literally, my girls are only free in the fashion sense, they do like the wind on bare skin as they tear around on their saucy little burros.

Anyway, we are now unleashing our personal brand of fun South of the border, harassing the campesinos on our chopped Vespas, taking all their pesos, stringing up the local Alcaldes in various Zocalos for tomato throwing practice, having Mescal worm races, and in general educating our girls in the finer things of life.

So you can imagine my surprise when my old friend and inside source (*not Russel H. or any so called nephew) managed to find us and deliver the following spoilers. The whole idea was that we supposed to be in hiding. Oh well. Tequila shots all around, right senoritas? Ole!

Spoiler #1. Brandon Hantz is actually Chaz Bono. And lemme tell ya, his body has more suprises than just a few tats.

Spoiler #2. Semhar is actually Janu with implants. Now, when seen from the side, at least the implants are visible. (And BTW, "Spoken Word Artist"? BS artist more like).

Spoiler #3. You probably didn't recognise Ozzy in the lead role of the movie "Dolphins Tale".

Spoiler #4. The pygmies are sharpening up their pointy sticks in anticipation of their reunion with Coach. The Island formerly known as Matt's Purgatory will be the site of a Coach-kabob tail-baiting party in the near future. You heard it here first.


(* Legal disclaimer, which we hope is recognisable under Mexican law)



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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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09-15-11, 10:13 AM (EST)
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4. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Ah Senor, so nice to see you. I thought I recognized Spoiler #1 as Meester Bono, it is hell when you stop waxing your legs isn't it? He could use a little of that fur on his tats, or throw sand in the face of those who might catch a peek at his true identity.

I shall address #2 since she has been sent to me so soon. She speaks to those implants, she has a poem about them.

This is my rifle, this is my gun.
One is for fighting, one is for fun.

Can you believe it?


Your Low Rent Island Getaway

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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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09-15-11, 05:25 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Happiness is a warm gun.


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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 07:53 AM (EST)
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20. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
And here's another one. You go stand next to the guy using his Hantz.


You can take the girl out of Jersey but you can't take the Jersey out of the girl!

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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 09:30 AM (EST)
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26. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Just make sure there's no hair on his palms!



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cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 01:54 PM (EST)
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36. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Happiness is a warm gun.

Sho' nuff, pardner. And a straight shootin' one, too.

With lever action smoother than a ladies thigh.

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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09-15-11, 09:54 AM (EST)
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2. "And Away we goooooooooooo................"
LAST EDITED ON 09-15-11 AT 10:06 AM (EST)

First a word from the real world before I sink into the much more fun BTS Bash-a-thon South Pacific 2011 Redemption (seems everyone screwed up so they need redemption) Island II toot-toot whew

Some of my favorite "quotes"

remember the glory days when we had an Apocalypse Now-like armada of helicopters; one for Jiffy, one for contestants, one each for the “mystery” returning players, and one just for my champagne, hookers and blow.

I wanna party with you. I found a shot of the copter after it landed back on Burnett's compound. Explains everything.


re-routing the neighbor’s cable to your trailer home and watching the History Channel really paid off

At the ripe old age of 19 and Married with Tattoos, he's going to try and fish his way into the hearts of his fellow sand people.

It’s almost as if someone thought that the 19-year-old had a habit of wandering off, and needed to be monogrammed -- the same way you put your kid’s name in his underwear before you send him to summer camp. (Triple word score for the oblique Phillip/underwear reference.)

I'll give you the triple word score on that one but da' nephew will score much more when someone sees him sans shirt. He's going to wish he had Rooster's home grown fur coat.

Instead, this looks like a bad Frontierland at the failed Disneyland in Botswana.

LMAO, exactly what I was thinking.

Dice! You sure haven't lost your touch in the off season. Very hilarious, clever and amazing that you had enough time to spit out a coherent bash after the Coach-Hitler's Nephew-Drug Pusher-Bimbo-Nerd-athon well everyone watched it so on with the show.

The Island Speaks

So I go in for a little remodel and what the bimbo happens? I had stone walls & granite seating. Now I have sticks, palm leaves and bleachers? I look like one of Burnett's hookers after a night of champagne and blow. Talk about there goes the neighborhood. How much did he promise Coach & Ozzy to come and redeem themselves? Budget my left sand dune.

The fact I had to host this pathetic bunch of losers right off the bat makes me want to blow lava.

Then adding insult to injury I get sent someone named Sandbar who keeps calling for room service and talking in rhymes.

What have I done to deserve this nightmare. Oh, I remember, ratings. Ratings. Ratings. Come on Neilson people watch this show, buy those product placements!! I'm a wreck and typhoon Sandbar hasn't even gotten her spa appointment confirmed.




Your Low Rent Island Getaway

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dabo 25344 desperate attention whore postings
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09-15-11, 10:01 AM (EST)
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3. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Come to Papa! Everybody is going lvoe me, I'm a cinch for winner of America's favorite! I'm such a good guy.


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cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 01:40 PM (EST)
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32. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Well, pardner, you're the friendliest bear I's ever seen, and I's seen 'em plenty, yup.


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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-15-11, 10:18 AM (EST)
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5. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""

I think coach seems like a nice person, and face it we can learn from him because he has played the game before......Ah $hit, if I'm going to act like I respect him I need a shot of gas!


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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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09-15-11, 10:35 AM (EST)
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6. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
BRANDON's staring at me! Little PERV.

So I look down and that creepy little tool is looking up my shirt like a junior high peeping Tom.

You too Mr. Cameraman, thanks for the cleavage closeup just to make sure every pervert at home didn't miss a thing. You have turned this into the Pacific Jersey Shore. Fist Bump.


You can take the girl out of Jersey but you can't take the Jersey out of the girl!

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cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 01:46 PM (EST)
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34. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
You jes' gimme a holler if that boy gives you any trouble now. I'll turn him into a gelding right quick if he does.


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09-15-11, 10:46 AM (EST)
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7. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Apparently no one was ready for some good ole country music yet.
I'll save my voice till ya'll all get bored & then I will entertain you.

In the meantime, I'll be skinny dippin swimming with Dolphin Boy.


Tennessee girls have fire and ice in our blood! We can ride 4wheelers and horses, be a princess, love with a passion, throw left hooks, fish and hunt with the guys, and if we have an opinion you're gonna hear it! Proud to be one....

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Dakota 5643 desperate attention whore postings
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09-15-11, 02:56 PM (EST)
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10. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
. . . and he said, "I hope you know how to swim" . . .
skinny dippin


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09-15-11, 01:26 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Yes, Dolphin Boy is back, seeking redemption. I made it pretty far the last two times I played this game -- my roles as challenge whore, coconut tree climber, supplier of fish, just didn't quite get me to the end. This time, I'm going to win it. After months of coaching from the Robfadda and growing my hair long, I am arriving with a new plan that will include adding Master Strategist to my long list of accolades.

And let's get this straight, just because I have played the game before, it does not mean I will be the tribe leader. All I'm after out here is to enjoy the ride, just get along, make it to the merge ... and maybe a little snuggle factor. My plans were foiled right out of the gate -- I wanted Semhar to be my Amanda this season - my right arm, my concubine. After all, island nights are cold and I could use a little piece, I mean comfort.

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09-15-11, 01:29 PM (EST)
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9. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
You know I have a boyfriend back home, but....

~~~~thinking about that long hair & Samson & Delilah ~~~~~
Just where do you get your strength, Dolphin Boy?


Tennessee girls have fire and ice in our blood! We can ride 4wheelers and horses, be a princess, love with a passion, throw left hooks, fish and hunt with the guys, and if we have an opinion you're gonna hear it! Proud to be one....

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09-15-11, 03:01 PM (EST)
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11. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Confirming reservations for Mr. Ozzy Wavylocks & Ms. Whitney Beergoggles. You have the Dolphin Cabin right down on the beach. The accommodations are comped by Mr. Burnett and A$$ociates, but they'll be wanting the video. bow-chaka-wow-wow.

That is all.


Your Low Rent Island Getaway


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09-16-11, 12:16 PM (EST)
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31. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Front desk? Mr. Brandon HantzNotHantz has requested any Cabin near the Dolphin Cabin. He also asked for an empty glass so he can put it up to the wall and listen to OzWhit make nasty, dirty, not-bible-approved love.

There was also something about providing him with a "spy periscope" made from cereal boxes and two mirrors, but frankly, I had lost interest in what he was saying by then.



Mark "T-Bone" Burnett
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09-15-11, 05:04 PM (EST)
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14. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Oh Ozzy,
will you be my FOZZY....
BEAR?


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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 07:40 PM (EST)
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48. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
So Semhar, tell me, do you think you were voted out because your boobs are obviously fake?


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Scarlett O Hara 3259 desperate attention whore postings
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09-18-11, 08:10 AM (EST)
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56. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Semhar,

I did my best to save you. All I wanted from you was a little poetry in motion.


Read me.

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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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09-18-11, 08:22 PM (EST)
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65. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
LOL! Watching you, I know why your motion needs poetry!

We'll probably butt heads again but I use my head while I see you use your butt.

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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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09-15-11, 05:31 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
It seems that Cochran won round 1. I may not be king Neptune, I might even be afraid to go in the water but I'm better at getting the votes than Ozzy!


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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 07:41 PM (EST)
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49. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Cochran, I may have to change you back to John. You're no Fairplay, that's for sure!


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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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09-18-11, 01:56 PM (EST)
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59. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Jeff, every week, you show that eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Why would I want to be Fairplay? If I wanted to be another man, I wouldn't pick a girl.


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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-18-11, 09:34 PM (EST)
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66. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
*huff huff* I demand that production do something about this smartazz contest who wishes to be called Cochran!! He has no right to talk to me that way!

And Cochran, I'll remidn you, you asked dto go by your last name saying the greats were mentioned by me through their last name. Fairplay was great and you're just jealous that you can't pull it off! You're no mastermind. Simpleminded, yes. Mastermind, NO WAY!


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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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09-18-11, 10:39 PM (EST)
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68. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Jiffy, I will point out that Fairplay was his nickname, not his last name, that he wasn't a mastermind and that I didn't mention him when I talked about the greats you've called by their last name. Get with it, man!



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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-19-11, 10:04 AM (EST)
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71. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
You're lucky I even remember your name, Cochran-wannabe. I've been doin this for so long ya'll look the same - except the hot chicks in bikinis, strippin' for peanut butter. mmmmmmmm peanut butter.....


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09-19-11, 10:07 AM (EST)
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72. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Yoooooohooooo Jeffy I'll bet you'd like some of my happy gas!....I need some comfort because mayonaiseCochoran insulted my hat.


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09-19-11, 10:15 AM (EST)
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73. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
You called? I prefer chocolate.


Tennessee girls have fire and ice in our blood! We can ride 4wheelers and horses, be a princess, love with a passion, throw left hooks, fish and hunt with the guys, and if we have an opinion you're gonna hear it! Proud to be one....

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09-16-11, 01:58 PM (EST)
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38. "Hey, Dolphinboy"
Didn't you learn anything from playing with Amanda and Poverti? You should thank us for insisting on getting rid of Poetri first, you really should. Come on over and bat for the other team! I'm so good.


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Belle Book 3556 desperate attention whore postings
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09-15-11, 04:51 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Wow, hasn't anyone found the clue to me yet?

I wouldn't mind having Edna grab hold of me -- as long as she's not a female version of Troll. So far, she doesn't seem like it, so if she gets me I won't mind.

And as long as Brandon's nothing like his uncle Troll, I wouldn't mind his having me in his pocket either.

And since the Troll's nowhere in sight, I'm right now going to celebrate my freedom from him -- unless his nephew's like him!


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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-15-11, 05:01 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
I'd love to speak but all i can say is Samhar, SMD, baby.

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09-16-11, 01:57 PM (EST)
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37. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Now, I know that Christine gal went lookin' for ya, right from get go, runnin' off like a calf from the herd. I figger she's wolf bait by now.


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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 07:43 PM (EST)
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50. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Rick I have to tell you, of all the years hosting this show, no one's ever worn a nice stetson like yours. Do you think that will get you farther in the game *cough snort cough*?


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Belle Book 3556 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 07:46 PM (EST)
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52. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Thanks for the warning, although I don't really care who gets me or not -- as long as Brandon is nothing like Troll! Still, I hope Edna finds the clue that'll lead straight to me!

Come play my new game: Big Brother: What If? at the following link: http://community.realitytvworld.com/boards/DCForumID7/1612.shtml

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Scarlett O Hara 3259 desperate attention whore postings
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09-18-11, 07:58 AM (EST)
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55. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Well ... I've had you before and look how far it got me?!

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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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09-15-11, 05:34 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
My luxury item was a psychanalist but it wasn't allowed. I don't know what I will do with all these beautiful girls around. It's a little like High School all over again and I'm back in gym class...


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09-16-11, 09:39 AM (EST)
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27. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
LAST EDITED ON 09-16-11 AT 09:39 AM (EST)

Did you look just like a jar of mayonaise back then too?



I wonder if his nose comes off with his glasses?
oops looks like I'm caught posting with my siggie down!

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09-16-11, 04:09 PM (EST)
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46. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Why, that boy looks and walks like a newborn colt with his spindly legs and all. And I betcha when the goin' gets rough, he'll want t' go run off and hide under his mama mare's belly.

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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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09-18-11, 02:04 PM (EST)
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60. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Rick, it must be nice to be too dumb to know you have psychological issues. Life must be easy when chewing tobacco is bliss.


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09-15-11, 07:32 PM (EST)
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18. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
(A kick butt opening salvo, EPMB)

As an occasional tenant of the county, state, and federal system in the past (I am reformed and rehabilitated, at least until they find this hideout), and especially since those institutions are also the prime recruiting grounds for my lovely but really really Raunchy Senoritas, I hesitate to bring you the latest Survivor spoiler. But since I have no impulse control whatsoever, here it is, straight from my inside source who this season is definitely not *Agent Land Crab or a *Hantz by any other name:

Spoiler #(whatever comes next): Mark, a hairy chested gay man, who has no problem stripping down and jumping in the ocean, asked to be called Papa Bear. It takes a while but it finally begins to dawn on his tribe that "Papa Bear" could actually be "Papa Bare", and in a flash of insight and a mental stripping away of cosmetic appliances, they see that Ozzy and Coach aren't the only returnees.

And a role call in a certain Federal Prison will come up one short after last night.

(*Disclaimer, required at time by Napoleonic Code of civil and Criminal law)


blame the art on Tribe. But the Pissario is all mine, Heh heh.

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 07:58 AM (EST)
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21. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Senor P,

A Hantz by any other name? Papa Bare? You are correct in your a$$cessment that there be clones here. Apparently the same contestant list is being recycled.

I think I'm washing my Hantz of this mess.



Your Low Rent Island Getaway


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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 09:26 AM (EST)
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25. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
>I think I'm washing my Hantz
>of this mess.

Well, hantz off to you RI!...

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09-16-11, 09:10 AM (EST)
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22. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Is that you Hatch?


Tennessee girls have fire and ice in our blood! We can ride 4wheelers and horses, be a princess, love with a passion, throw left hooks, fish and hunt with the guys, and if we have an opinion you're gonna hear it! Proud to be one....

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09-15-11, 11:31 PM (EST)
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19. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Well, let me see...

Rehash of the opening (downsized), alleged knowledgeable (aka Survivor-savvy) folks showing up dressing for the high school cotillion, a "I didn't know it would be this hard" meltdown, scurrying for a HII that is right under the nose, speared sardine being cheered as if it were a Melvillian Leviathan, the ubiquitous gay contestant, plenty of flapping oobies, an over-confident IC player botching the game at the crucial moment...

and this a "new" season?




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09-16-11, 09:12 AM (EST)
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23. "Gather 'round, children"
And the Dragonslayer will tell you the tale of the tail I ate in Tel Aviv one year:

"It was a dark and stormy night . And that's how I became the model for the Sphinx."

Tribefied

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09-16-11, 09:21 AM (EST)
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24. "RE: Gather 'round, children"
LAST EDITED ON 09-16-11 AT 09:22 AM (EST)

Coach, come over here and breathe into this tube and My happy gas will send you on a long journey to a land where you are a legend in your own mind!



I knew my Anesthesiology euipment would come in handy

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09-16-11, 01:50 PM (EST)
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35. "RE: Gather 'round, children"
Yup, now I reckon I did hear somewhere that Coach Guy is quite a gas.


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krismiss2us 768 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 07:45 PM (EST)
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51. "RE: Gather 'round, children"
Coach, I've heard enough of your stories over the last two times you were on Survivor to know that you're full of it! Now SHUTUP!!!!


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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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09-19-11, 02:34 PM (EST)
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75. "RE: Gather 'round, children"
Jiffy, remember when I took you aside and we talked in soft, gentle tones about not yelling at the contestants (even if it is Coach)?
Step away from the CAPS LOCK, my friend.

I imagine that you're distressed because you've got sand in your shorts, but keep in mind that your best weapon is the pointed question at TC.




Mark "Part Exec Producer, part Therapist, all Profit" Burnett
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jbug 16685 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 09:53 AM (EST)
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28. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
All Brandon has to do is keep his left arm and back of his neck covered so that no one sees his tattoos. Left arm… covered. Redneck… covered. Sort of like the old Milton Bradley Tattoo Twister board game. For 39 days.

I can't wait to see how Brandon reacts when Jiffy announces a "shirts/no shirts" game of coconut ball.

Course that means all the females will be uncovered as well ~~blush~~ and then where will he divert his eyes to?


Tennessee girls have fire and ice in our blood! We can ride 4wheelers and horses, be a princess, love with a passion, throw left hooks, fish and hunt with the guys, and if we have an opinion you're gonna hear it! Proud to be one....

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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 10:06 AM (EST)
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29. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
He better put cochoran on the shirts side or everyone will need sunglasses



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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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09-18-11, 02:11 PM (EST)
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61. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
My insecurities don't need your help, Edna, I keep them busy enough already.

Ever wonder why you are the first anesthesiologist on Survivor? The show had plenty of material to put the audience to sleep.



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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-18-11, 02:47 PM (EST)
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62. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
LAST EDITED ON 09-18-11 AT 02:48 PM (EST)

The
show had plenty of material
to put the audience to
sleep.

As soon as I saw you were going to be on the show, I feared that would be the case!......I think maybe you should have a shot of my happy gas!


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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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09-18-11, 04:48 PM (EST)
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63. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
LAST EDITED ON 09-18-11 AT 05:19 PM (EST)

Your happy gas tank will stay full. All we have to do is look at that hat of yours to laugh.


Where did you get that? The Dollar store?


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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-18-11, 09:38 PM (EST)
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67. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
This is my Faux minimalist hat....Anybody who is anybody has one.


The more shots of gas you have, the better they look!

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09-18-11, 10:47 PM (EST)
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69. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Did you ever notice that an item becomes out of fashion when everybody has one? People stop wearing something when everybody wears it. But, in this case...don't wait.

As for being minimalist, I think you should consider your story.


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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-19-11, 10:24 AM (EST)
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74. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
LAST EDITED ON 09-19-11 AT 10:37 AM (EST)

LAST EDITED ON 09-19-11 AT 10:34 AM (EST)

I think you need to read a little closer, I said it was my FAUX minimalist hat! I never said I was a minimalist. I did, however see A hat I thought you might like:

It even covers the point on your head!

Now sweetie, are you SURE you wouldn't like a little shot of happy gas?

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09-20-11, 01:46 AM (EST)
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77. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Now, you folks got some learnin' to do 'bout hats. It ain't 'bout the hat so much as it's 'bout the head under it.

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09-16-11, 10:29 AM (EST)
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30. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Ola mis amigos e amigas!

Yes, it is I, your favorito purveyor of Racnchito naughtiness. SenorPissarito. Here to tell you the latest spoiler from songplace in el Pacifico. But first I got to tell you about what the Mujeres Raunchita been up to. They been bad, is what. They went to the local cantina and got all drunk on tequila and cerveza, and took off all their clothes and did raunchy things to the local inhabitants is more what they did. And then I pass out, but I know they did more stuff too. Don't know what though. Oh well, maybe is for best. So now to the spoiler sent by burro train from my inside source, *not a Hantz of any kind whatsoever, no sirree Bob. And not from *Bob either.

Spoiler #1: Brandon had a spiritual meltdown when someone informed him that a woman's tatas are also called coconuts. This after a deep draft from his newly open nut.

"I'm a sinner,
not a winner,
I wished I'd drunk from the well,
but now I'm going to hell"

he was heard to whimper as he was drug away. Also something about "Titties, titties, gimme titties, more titties..."

Meanwhile Semhar complained to the producers about Brandon poaching on her "Spoken Word Artist" gig.

And the pygmies cried "where's our daddy, where's coach daddy?"

Spoiler *2: Coach was overheard saying "Пигмеи будут моими людьми". No one understood, but no one cared either as nothing he said ever made sense anyway, even in English.

(*disclaimer. One more pointless disclaimer. sigh)



Tribal art. And it's Senor Pisarrio, not Senorita Pissario. Stop looking at me like that!


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09-16-11, 02:14 PM (EST)
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39. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Senor/Senora Victor/Victoria Rogers & Hammerstein:

A rose by any other name still has thorns. (That's Billy Shakespeare the Clown quote BTW)

Where you went (Brazil?) or what procedures you had done are none of anyone business. By the way you might want to loosen that pony tail, it looks painful.


Your Low Rent Island Getaway & Unsolicited Advice Emporium


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09-16-11, 01:41 PM (EST)
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33. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
I just can't stand it when I am not the momma/teacher and everybody has to do what I say or they get time out/flunked out.

I'm having a bit of a breakdown but I'd be fine if they just let me have my red pen. I feel so much better with a red pen in my hand.

But hot damn. I do have to say that Ozzy has a fine dangling modifier.


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40. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""

Rumor has it, he has quite a dangling participle too!

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Karchita 4469 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 02:43 PM (EST)
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41. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Give me a hit of that laughing gas, Edna dearie, and let's have a little girl talk about his possessive pronouns.

*fans self*

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Brownroach 14241 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 03:07 PM (EST)
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42. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Я думаю, что тренер-горячие!

(I think Coach is hot!)


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Karchita 4469 desperate attention whore postings
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09-16-11, 03:13 PM (EST)
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43. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Laughing gas for Sophie, STAT!

Good gawd, girlfriend. On top of the pure insanity, do you really want Jerri's leftovers? Really?


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44. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
And maybe Amanda's leftovers are tastier?


You can take the girl out of Jersey but you can't take the Jersey out of the girl!

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45. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
*pricks finger for makeshift red pen*

Grades for sweet smelling private parts:

Amanda: A+
Jerri: F-


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09-16-11, 06:16 PM (EST)
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47. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Джерри, ptui!

Я хочу иметь горячие секс с тренером во время поездки на лодку вниз по Волге реки в то время как мы говорим "грязных" на русском языке!

Jerri, ptui!

I want to have hot sex with Coach while travelling on a boat down the Volga River while we talk dirty in Russian!


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Belle Book 3556 desperate attention whore postings
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09-17-11, 12:27 PM (EST)
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53. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Okay, now I don't want Sophie to find me -- or even Coach, for that matter! Walking away with Too Much Information.


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mrc 10020 desperate attention whore postings
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09-18-11, 07:28 PM (EST)
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64. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
So, it's okay if I Karpov a feel? Your sweet Tal does make me Smyslov.

Tribefied

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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-18-11, 10:51 AM (EST)
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58. "RE: “Be The Survivor”: S23 Ep01: "El Pollo, Pescado & Dragon Loco""
Dawn! Girl you are one horn## little devil....Extra happy gas for you!



I hope this gets me a good grade!

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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09-17-11, 01:41 PM (EST)
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54. "Strapped "
Hola, Es el hombre with the Grande Pistolero (heh heh, that's a play en las palabras, heh heh), SenorPissario with the latest noticias from the Escuela de las Rancharitas, the girl school in the Sierras of Mexico where the tequila is free and the girls only cost a few pesos more. Except for my seester, she is free too.

The latest spoiler came in this morning strapped to the back of the school coyote, and again I must caution you and the Federales that we don't need no steenking Hantzs to give us no steenking spoilers.

Spoiler #1: One of the challenges this week will be to strip down and paint the picket fence around the island white. The Cochran will win when everyone loses track of him, all that will be visible to the sharp eyed onlooker will be a pair of flip flops.

Brandon will come in last after declaring that the Lord told him to dig a hole in the sand for to buryth his head. No fair he says, it's titties, titties, more titties, I close my eyes and all I see is titties, titties, more titties, titties here, titties there, titties everywhere. The Lord is bored, and tells Hantz to eff himself.

Once again Semhar complains about Brandon poaching on her BS 'spoken word artist' turf, and once again the pygmies laugh.

This is going to be a great year for the pygmies.

Spoiler #2: Coach and Sophie continue to speak in the new language that coach made up and she inexplicably understands, and that the editors even more inexplicably caption in Russian. You know, for all of us who can't read English but who do know how to read Russian. The aforementioned pygmies complain about Sophie poaching on their 'Understands Coach's Made-up Languages' turf.

They, however, know that once coach gets to the "Island of Semhar, the WNBA Coconut League with the 3 foot free throw line MVP", they will get their BBQ, and they are sharpening their sticks. They already got fire.

(*Disclaimer. We dis everyone, and claim everything. It's allowed here in Mexico.


Artsy Tribe's art. Senor Pissario's pistol.


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09-18-11, 10:48 AM (EST)
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57. "RE: Strapped "
All hail the King...or SRA PISSY. That has got to be the funniest post I have ever come across in the Blows pond. In fact, I find your spoilers worthy of my jump the shark siggie. Keep it coming, King!


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09-19-11, 09:34 AM (EST)
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70. "RE: Strapped "
All my signs are in English, Spanish, Russian and spoken word.


Your Low Rent Island Getaway


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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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09-19-11, 03:41 PM (EST)
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76. "RE: Strapped "
Free Happy gas for you or great guppy!...excellent post!!


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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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09-20-11, 11:12 AM (EST)
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78. "El Pollo,"
LAST EDITED ON 09-20-11 AT 11:14 AM (EST)

Hola. That is Hello in Spanish for those of you who don't know. It it I broadcasting from the Escuela de las Mujeres Rauncharitas, where good girls go to be bad, and uneducated girls go to learn to curl your toes and trim your curls. They major in whoring and pole dancing, and they learn how to make polite society their bitch. So, it's a good thing.

And once again I have to report that after tearing up the local village on their Vespa Hogs and hurrahing the village elders, I had to bail some of my girls out of the hoosegow. This was a homework project that they had been assigned. Next week they get into S&M training. They grow up so fast!

I had to wait till they sobered up so that they could truly appreciate their situation. And how proud I was again of them. That those lessons that they learned in those hot dusty school rooms, on those hot sweaty days, naked, in those hot wet Jacuzzis, would take root in those fertile little minds.

So, on to the latest non-enHantzed* spoilers, straight from the coyotes snout.

Spoiler #1 Brandon will spill his secret this week. But contrary to less reliable spoiler info, it is not that he is a Hantz, it is that he grown up zygote. That's right, you heard it here first, Brandon used to be a zygote!

And, oh yeah, he is also Chaz Bono (old news) and he is very confused about the whole gender question (also old news).

Spoiler #2 For a second week Coach will continue to speak in tongues, and Sophia will continue to understand. Make no mistake, this isn't a 'twins' language, or anything else that makes sense, this is totally daffy, and Sophia will evolve into a babbling idiot in Coach's thrall. Not troll, that will be Brandon's role, but thrall.

Spoiler #3 Rick Nelson will be heard to exclaim "this ain't my first rodeo", which will alert all of us to the fact that, in spite of the hat and the ranch talk, he doesn't really know what a rodeo is.

Spoiler #4 Papa BareAss will reveal to his tribemates his bare ass. And somewhat redundantly (because he did this last week too) that he is gay and that he is not a threat because he knows that gay bareassed hairy chested men have no chance of winning at survivor.

(*Disclaimer to the disclaimer)


Tribal art, Tribal fart, ehh, who's counting?

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cahaya 18904 desperate attention whore postings
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09-20-11, 02:39 PM (EST)
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79. "RE: El Pollo,"
Rick Nelson... he doesn't really know what a rodeo is.

Hey, fella, there ain't a mare in your stable I can't ride without gettin' bucked off.

'Sides, your gals work for pesos instead o' bucks, Senor Pimpo Peso Pisarrio.

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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09-20-11, 05:34 PM (EST)
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80. "RE: El Pollo,"
Senor Pissario's spoilers may be made up, but they are guaranteed (or Gay-run-teed in cowboy lingo) to be correcto, with bonding by the Federale Bango of Generalissimo Pancho Villa de Our Mother of the Valley ATM. No web site yet, but a little guy named Jesus is working hard on it in between pizza deliveries.

Bueno dia, gringo.


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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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09-21-11, 02:15 PM (EST)
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81. "The Island speaks.......Klaatu barada nikto"
Ah Senor Pisarrio my pimp friend and procurer of all things necessary. You bring much news to the lonely island of Redemption. I can not wait until the battle between Sandbar, Subpar, whatever her name is and the next contestant on their way to Loserville stops in for a bit.

Spoiler 1: I have recently seen a zygote and poor Little Hantz has not changed a bit.

Such a happy zygote no?

Spoiler 2: And El Coacho, mentor to zygotes and romancer of pygmies. He will woo the fair Sophia with his wisdom and protection. He shall slay the zygote.

He is a god, no?

Spoiler 3: Cao boi Rick, ohhhhh, Cowboy Rick, never mind.

It's a common mistake, giddy-up nothing to see here.

Spoiler 4: Yes, yes, been bare seen that. The Papa Bear will certainly need some grooming.


He really needs some grooming, serious industrial grooming.


Your Low Rent Island Getaway

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