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""Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘You Can’t Stand The Truth ’"
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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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04-28-11, 02:58 AM (EST)
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""Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘You Can’t Stand The Truth ’"
LAST EDITED ON 04-29-11 AT 09:00 PM (EST)


For those of you playing the Survivor Home Game, Phillip doesn’t pitch a hissy fit and we don’t get to Wang Chung tonight. The only thing that Phil assaults is the English language.

With that in mind, I’m going to lay down with this cold compress on my forehead until the stupidity-induced migraine headaches go away. As soon as possible I will present unto you a Recap that uses actual words and phrases that might be found in an American/English dictionary or at least dictionary.com.
------------------------------
A Branch of the Olive Garden – After the bloodletting/Zapatera sacrifice/Human Resources “his racial experience is just as valid as your racial experience” seminar at Tribal Council, Steve approaches Phillip to offer an olive branch. What he actually says is, “I’d like to offer you a laurel and hearty handshake,” but no one gets the “Blazing Saddles” reference.

If I can spin out of control for a moment, it’s possible that instead of an olive branch, Steve would have been more successful if he had offered to take Phillip to lunch at an actual Olive Garden restaurant. If their TV commercials are to be believed (and why wouldn’t you believe a ubiquitous mid-quality restaurant chain that airs forty thousand 30-second network commercials per week?), they are the United Nations of quasi-Italian restaurants. The Benetton of the Bolognese. A young woman can bring her new boyfriend there to be judged by her multi-cultural friends. Parents can treat their starving college student to dinner, and grandparents are able to yank the iPod earbuds out of their grandchildren’s ear canals long enough to bond. Apparently the only problem at this Valhalla of the Vermicelli is pairing a sauce with a complex carbohydrate, but this is solved by the miracle of the “Endless Pasta Bowl.” Let’s get all of our world leaders and ego-maniacal dictators to The Olive Garden… immediatamente!

Instead of chomping on breadsticks, Phil shakes hands with Steve, but confesses that he didn’t feel that the effort was “totally genuous”. He goes on threateningly, “Steve mocked me a number of times, so he goes next.” With his high opinion of himself, his perceived power in the game, and his abuse of the English language, Phil has signaled that he is the most dangerous, yet amusing type of player; someone who thinks that he’s smarter than everyone else, but always has one foot on a landmine and the other on a whoopee cushion. I would say more, but the subject is mute.

Phillip’s behavior plays right into Rob’s game plan and Rob confirms that “Phil’s not going anywhere. As long as he keeps up his stupid antics, he’ll be coming with me all the way to the finals.”

Shorts Story From The Beyond – Phillip locates his 24/7/365 dedicated camera crew and confessionalizes that he had a premonition that he was going to find his swim shorts. “My great-great-grandfather, a full-blooded Cherokee Indian came to me in a vision. And he said ‘look near the water hole’.” Let’s assume that Phillip is actually able to bypass Miss Cleo and piggyback on Matt’s “Friends and Savior” minutes to contact his ancestor, Chief Runamuck. He has a direct connection to the beyond but he doesn’t ask about the future. He doesn’t ask for the strength to win challenges, nor the wisdom to think one nanosecond ahead of where he is right now on the Chutes And Ladders game board. Perhaps he prays for the internal fortitude to help him keep his mouth shut. No, he asks about his swim trunks and his floaties. Maybe Phil expects Tyra Banks to sashay around the corner and announce that the next contest is the Swimsuit Calendar Immunity Challenge.

Listening to the spirit of Chief Boxerbriefs, Phil finds his swim shorts under the second rock and crows, “Don’t mess with the Undercover Specialist ‘cause he makes his living uncovering the truth. And you can’t stand the truth.” Halfway around the world, Tom Cruise throws down his e-meter and exclaims, “Oh Lord Xemu, this guy is more Clueless than Alicia Silverstone.”

Downward Spiral Cut Ham – On Regurgitate Island, it’s all Zeros except for Matt, who wasn’t with the Overlords long enough to even learn the secret handshake. Mike tells us that “Matt had incredible strength going through Redemption Island the first time. After he was blindsided the second time, by the folks he thought were truly his friends, he’s kind of been on a little bit of a downward spiral.”

Between sobs, Matt admits “God’s literally been carrying me for the past four days. I know I’m still in the game, but I’m just so over this game.” Matt recognizes that he’s wasting away physically and that he really misses his family.

Slip slidin’ Away – The Regurgitate Island Duel is Survivor Shuffleboard and Jiffy explains that the goal is to slide each of your three pucks past the obstacles and into the End Zone. He also explains that several of the Challenge Designers are in tears, because they were really hoping that Steve would be able to play this challenge. Apparently, this is the Challenge Designer’s pinnacle of irony; a former NFL player playing a game with the words End Zone right in the rules. But whomever the contestants, the first two who can place all three pucks in the End Zone get to stay on beautiful, desolate Regurgitate Island, while the “loser” will go to the Ponderosa for a food orgy that will make the buffet line at the Royal Wedding look like Spa Cuisine in Ghana. Matt isn’t the only one with a moral dilemma.

In the first round, Mike jumps out to an early lead, but by the third round the score is Mike 2, Matt 1 and Julie 1. Matt ties it up in the fourth round and clinches his chances in the fifth round. In the end, Julie is eliminated after 28 days. She explains that her house was in foreclosure and that the money would have helped her get out of debt. Her co-competitors and those watching the Duel send their best wishes as Julie drops her buff in the fire, an act that remains as big a letdown as when we first saw it.

Show Compassion = ‘Start Packing’ – At the Duel, Andrea noticed that Matt had invested in the halo with the nightlight feature. That light allowed Matt to clearly see how Andrea had manipulated him, and she saw Matt give her a “dirty look”. This caused Andrea to walk the razor’s edge of admitting to her tribe that she feels sorry for Matt and reveling in her ability to make men. . . and saints. . . bend to her will. Andrea bemoans/brags, “I feel like I was a big part of breaking his spirit. So in a way, I kind of like felt a little guilty.” She also says, “If Matt comes back I’d want to talk to him, but I don’t think he’d want to talk to me. Why would he?” This deviation from the Overlord “I hear and I obey” line has Rob and Grant thinking about voting out Andrea at the next opportunity.

Immunity Challenge: Making Log Jam – The goal is to stay on the spinning log longer than your opponent. Winners will move on and the last person standing will receive the exquisite Immunity Necklace and a chocolate cake and milk reward. There will also be a twist that will be explained later.

Grant ultimately wins and chooses to share the cake with Rob and Andrea. Jiffy tosses Steve a package that they cannot open, but must bring to Tribal Council. The twist will be revealed then.

In a confessional, Grant explains why he selected Andrea, but my Nonsense Translator was already overheating from trying to decode Ralph’s authentic frontier gibberish.

Steve was having the same problem as evidenced by this exchange he had with Ralph:

Ralph: Mphylymf? (undecipherable)
Steve: Pardon me?
Ralph: Mphylymf? (undecipherable)
Steve One more time?
Ralph: Mphylymf? (undecipherable)
Steve (nods knowingly): Mmm hmm.

Doing The Pre-TC Shuffle – Steve is complaining about his low energy level and how his body has deteriorated. Lounging with Ashley and Natalie, this leads Rob to think of Ralph is the bigger threat and therefore a candidate for the next vote. But later, Steve approaches Ashley and Natalie who are lounging for their eighteenth straight hour and have clearly never heard the words “skin cancer”. Steve tries to make a case for blindsiding Rob, saying that Ashley, Natalie and Andrea could vote for Rob along with the remaining Zeros, and take him out before Rob starts picking off his own alliance one by one. Ashley says, “We’ll consider it. Thank you,” which is a phrase she heard on The Apprentice once.
Instead, Ashley and Nat beat feet over to the Robfaddah and tell him everything that Steve just said.

As expected, Rob recalibrates his gun site back over to Steve.

Tribal With A Twist – Jiffy muses about the dwindling Zero portion of the tribe and wonders if there’s any hope. Steve tells of trying to influence certain former Overlord tribe members to vote with the former Zeros. Steve wisely points out how Rob cut Lex’s throat during All Star Survivor (A.S.S.) to save Amber. Rob even more wisely points out that he still has that alliance with Ambuh to this day, underscoring the fact that the only reality show he won’t appear on is Divorce Court.

After a five to two vote, the Overlords manage to vote out Ralph. Ralph leaves with a pleasant “See ya, Jeb” to which Jiffy replies, “No so fast. Grab your torch. You’re going to Redemption Island.” Oh, yeah.

But you can’t blame Ralph, he’s only seen eleven people before him get voted out and trudge off to Regurgitate Island. This kind of pattern takes time to sink in.

Besides dealing with basic housekeeping, Jiffy asks Steve to open the “twist” package. It’s a deck of cards that have symbols printed on them. Jiffy will show everyone a series of symbols and they will “repeat them back to him” using their own cards. Rob outlasts the rest and earns Immunity. They go right to another vote and Steve Wright, the 51-year-old ex-NFL player is locked out. He remembers to grab his torch and runs a Zero Shot, 51 Right Sweep in the general direction of Redemption Island.



Mark "this space for rent" Burnett
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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 The Cast suzzee 04-28-11 1
 The testosterone party is here, app... suzzee 04-28-11 2
   RE: The testosterone party is here,... tribephyl 04-29-11 6
       RE: The testosterone party is here,... PsychoKitty 04-29-11 9
           RE: The testosterone party is here,... foonermints 04-30-11 12
               RE: The testosterone party is here,... tribephyl 04-30-11 16
                   Infested suzzee 05-02-11 22
 RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘Yo... Scarlett O Hara 04-28-11 3
   RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘Yo... agman 04-28-11 4
       RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘Yo... Scarlett O Hara 05-01-11 21
   RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘Yo... Spanky68 04-29-11 5
   RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘Yo... tribephyl 04-29-11 7
 RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘Yo... dabo 04-29-11 8
   Oh! The Irony!!!! PsychoKitty 04-29-11 10
       RE: Oh! The Irony!!!! Belle Book 04-30-11 11
           Already Got This foonermints 04-30-11 13
               RE: Already Got This Belle Book 04-30-11 17
                   RE: Already Got This foonermints 05-01-11 19
                       RE: Already Got This Belle Book 05-02-11 24
                           RE: Already Got This RollDdice 05-03-11 26
                               RE: Already Got This Belle Book 05-03-11 28
       RE: Oh! The Irony!!!! foonermints 04-30-11 14
           RE: Oh! The Irony!!!! PsychoKitty 04-30-11 15
               RE: Oh! The Irony!!!! foonermints 05-01-11 18
           RE: Oh! The Irony!!!! tribephyl 05-03-11 29
 RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘Yo... qwertypie 05-01-11 20
   RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘Yo... suzzee 05-02-11 23
 Dirty Underwear kingfish 05-03-11 25
   RE: Dirty Underwear RollDdice 05-03-11 27

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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04-28-11, 08:47 AM (EST)
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1. "The Cast"
Use and abuse with reckless abandon


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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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04-28-11, 09:09 AM (EST)
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2. "The testosterone party is here, apparently"
I have reached capacity. Got rid of Julie~there's no girls allowed here.

God's lil' helper has been snuffling around getting everything soggy and blowing his snot everywhere.

Mike managed to stick around contributing nothing but space occupation.

Now this other guy Steve, creaking and shuffling around.

I guess they better build another addition to the shelter or start calling this place Brokeback Survivor.

Where's a good typhoon when you need one.


So much for being alone


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tribephyl 9688 desperate attention whore postings
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04-29-11, 01:54 AM (EST)
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6. "RE: The testosterone party is here, apparently"
LAST EDITED ON 04-29-11 AT 02:04 AM (EST)

Redemption Island? More like Sausage Atoll.


At least, from our view.

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PsychoKitty 678 desperate attention whore postings
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04-29-11, 11:46 PM (EST)
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9. "RE: The testosterone party is here, apparently"
Oh YEAH! Me and Kristina be right over!!!!

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04-30-11, 12:17 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: The testosterone party is here, apparently"
I am SO there!


*cries ghost-like tears* *kills off most ground vegetation*

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tribephyl 9688 desperate attention whore postings
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04-30-11, 06:32 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: The testosterone party is here, apparently"
Then we're flying the coop.


I thought this place was anti-trolled?

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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05-02-11, 11:27 AM (EST)
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22. "Infested"
Great now all I need is Phillip and we still wouldn't have a full deck to play with.



Hey! Who moved the island?


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Scarlett O Hara 3259 desperate attention whore postings
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04-28-11, 12:16 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘You Can’t Stand The Truth ’"
You see my friends ... you stick-a with me and I protect you through the Final 6. You go against the Robfadda and you sleep with the fishes over at Redemption Island ... just like Steve.

Andrea, lucky for you that Steve had to step up his game at the end ... otherwise it would-a been you.

Now, I have led the Ometepe's to the end game, just like I promised. Don't ever forget, the Robfadda delivers! Phile, as long as you insist on holding forth on a daily basis, consider yourself under my protection. In fact, I insist that you come with me to the Final Tribal Council ... and Natalie, even if I have to drag you all the way, you'll be by my side too.

Now, one things for sure. One of us will go to Redemption Island next week and it's not going to be pretty. For now, I'm going to sit back and enjoy the fireworks!


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agman 11158 desperate attention whore postings
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04-28-11, 03:46 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘You Can’t Stand The Truth ’"
Robfaddah, do you realize that as of right now, you have 2 jury members who can't stand you, and potentialy(depending on how they work redemption island,)4 more who also can't stand you? How do you think you are going to secure enough votes to win this thing?

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Scarlett O Hara 3259 desperate attention whore postings
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05-01-11, 08:20 PM (EST)
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21. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘You Can’t Stand The Truth ’"
Well, Mr. Monkey Bizness, I beg to differ with your theory. I have it on good authority that Dave might be partial to Robfadda after all. If you go Here you can read all the reasons why I feel this way.

And David, being the intellectual that he thinks he is, has the power to influence the other Zaps, one by one, as they all meet up at the Ponderosa.

In the mean time, I don't have time to worry about the rest of yous Ometepes, you see I HAVE to win immunity this week because it is time for a conjugal visit with my wife. I have Ambuh on the brain ... the small one that is ...



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Spanky68 8092 desperate attention whore postings
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04-29-11, 01:19 AM (EST)
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5. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘You Can’t Stand The Truth ’"
You know that I am going to make it back into the game and beat you. You feel that in your bones, don't you, Glorious Leader?

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tribephyl 9688 desperate attention whore postings
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04-29-11, 02:02 AM (EST)
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7. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘You Can’t Stand The Truth ’"
Let me fix that for you...
Grant Phile, as long as you insist on holding forth stroke my ego on a daily basis, consider yourself my F2 under my protection partner.

Right back atcha buddy.

I mean seriously.
I'm standing right behind you.



What machete? ... oh this machete. Oh nothing. *twirls foot in sand*

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dabo 25344 desperate attention whore postings
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04-29-11, 12:04 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘You Can’t Stand The Truth ’"
I found my shorts, HA! Julie didn' think 'bout they was a film crew follow her to the hidey spot, didn' think 'bout that a'tall, leavin' a trail t' folla. Mama always said you can lead a horse to water but he might have to pee. That's all I got to say 'bout that.


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PsychoKitty 678 desperate attention whore postings
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04-29-11, 11:53 PM (EST)
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10. "Oh! The Irony!!!!"
Yo! My Undercover Brother!

Moh lahk UndeRoos Specialist!

When we all get statesahde - get me some of these!

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Belle Book 3556 desperate attention whore postings
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04-30-11, 12:11 PM (EST)
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11. "RE: Oh! The Irony!!!!"
I doubt that either you or Phillip will get any votes from the jury if you are facing it. Let's face it, would anybody vote for a total nut?

*chirps*

Thought so.

Anyway, Ralph is gone, but Boston Rob is still around -- and so am I, for now. And once I'm gone, I'm going on eBay and hoping that Mark Burnett will auction for me -- either him or Sandra, since she won two million by winning twice. They can outbid Troll and I'll be happy as a clam.


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04-30-11, 12:33 PM (EST)
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13. "Already Got This"
Finger on the Trigger to outbid anybody by 1¢ for your lovely little butt-hugging self, sweetie.


Ahm a jusdt pinin' for the auction of mah true love!

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Belle Book 3556 desperate attention whore postings
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04-30-11, 06:52 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: Already Got This"
Mark Burnett has more money than you, so you're going to lose out on me, Troll!


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foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
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05-01-11, 10:02 AM (EST)
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19. "RE: Already Got This"
If that is the case, mah luhv, I just pay off the eBaY delivery boy so's he comes over to my favorite o'l derrick and I can unwrap and finger you one last time.


Keep that thought, Leetle SugarPlum.

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05-02-11, 07:23 PM (EST)
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24. "RE: Already Got This"
I just hope the delivery boy is unbribeable.


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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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05-03-11, 03:18 PM (EST)
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26. "RE: Already Got This"
LAST EDITED ON 05-03-11 AT 03:20 PM (EST)

Don't worry, my cherished (and copyrighted) HIN. I have more lint in my front pants pocket than Russell has cash, despite what he must save on hair care products.

I can buy you back on eBay. Hell, I can buy eBay. If need be, I can get the delivery boy a girl who "delivers", IYKWIM.



Mark "Even my hot pockets have deep pockets" Burnett
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05-03-11, 05:13 PM (EST)
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28. "RE: Already Got This"
Thanks.


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foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
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04-30-11, 12:50 PM (EST)
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14. "RE: Oh! The Irony!!!!"


Monkeys: Always monkeying with things..

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04-30-11, 05:16 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: Oh! The Irony!!!!"
Wow! How'd you do that!?
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foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
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05-01-11, 09:48 AM (EST)
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18. "RE: Oh! The Irony!!!!"
Got the "Monkey Finger".


foonermonkey: shooting Coca-Cola!

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tribephyl 9688 desperate attention whore postings
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05-03-11, 10:13 PM (EST)
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29. "RE: Oh! The Irony!!!!"
You make look newer but you still "can't handle the fruit".
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05-01-11, 05:10 PM (EST)
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20. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘You Can’t Stand The Truth ’"
I would like to personally thank Jiffy and Burnett for allowing me my tearjerking sob story speech which puts me in the running for fan favorite.
Because God can give Matt the lotto numbers if it is in His plan for Matt to have money. I need all the help I can get.

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05-02-11, 12:13 PM (EST)
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23. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep11: ‘You Can’t Stand The Truth ’"
Ohhhh, now I get it. And the Emmy goes to.......


Hey! Who moved the island?


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05-03-11, 10:59 AM (EST)
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25. "Dirty Underwear"
LAST EDITED ON 05-03-11 AT 04:13 PM (EST)


My Bitches

As most of the free world knows, the heartland of America, Alabama, was attacked about a week ago by vicious tornadoes, and the founder of the Raunchy School for really immodest Girls, that is to say, Raunchy to the Nth degree Wenches, Sir Kingfish (surely a knighthood is in his future, right?), was put in danger. Fortunately for him and for all of his devoted followers, maintaining a fetal position and sucking one's thumb is evidently effective in allowing one to go unscathed in such circumstances.

Now the worst has passed. Clean up and mental healing has begun. And the party can resume. And although there was no loss of life or beer (we keep that in a heavily guarded tomb) the Raunchitas find that in order to pay our Vespa maintenance bills and keep the cute little wussy Cabana boys happy we have to sell off some of our stuff.

So some of our more popular items are available for the first time ever, and for a reasonable price, plus we require a piece of your soul (Ha Ha, just a joke friends, we just want a piece of a piece of your soul. Ha Ha, still joking. Just sign here...). Our bare midriff tees with fake armpit hair, our panties with fake pelts (varying colors), our steel tipped Viking Bras (taking a beetle to the nip at 100mph during a topless police chase hurts like hell) as well as a bulshido pot full of our panties emblazoned with various slogans such as "Raunchy Girls don't need no stinking panties!" will all be available.

So please, come to our sale and put out like a Raunchy Girl! Make us proud and rich again. Remember, it's for the Kingfish, and what better use could one have for one's money.

For the past week power, telephone, TV, and internet were out at the Raunchy Girl School and the secret insider source (* who is definitely not Russell, but is definitely a yellow bellied sapsucking coward) was nowhere to be found, so although there is a rumor going around as to whether Grant prefers Alfredo sauce or pesto with his longuini (get it? Long Wienie? Anyways...), there are no real Spoilers at the moment.


(* legal disclaimer.)



Tribal Art

{Remember folks cut and paste "Because Spoiler to the stars, MissyPissy says so!" in your voting thread on spoilers. Don't let me down. I'm financing this spoiling gig out of my own pocket, and it's getting serious.}


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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
DAW Level: "Playboy Centerfold"

05-03-11, 03:32 PM (EST)
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27. "RE: Dirty Underwear"
What can one say to provide comfort to someone who has bravely stared-down a natural disaster? (thumb-sucking aside)

I think everyone here will join me in hoping that the beer stays covered, Sir Kingfish stays dry and the Raunchy Girl Royal Court stays... well, I guess they should uhm ... stay wet.


Bounce or Die by IceCat

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