LAST EDITED ON 04-14-11 AT 08:04 PM (EST)
Our (sob!) abandonment. By now it’s become quite clear that DollyRBice has abandoned us in our time of need, and that this situation has become permanent. Either Roll is dead or he just doesn't care any more. Either he’s in the dungeon of the Raunchy Girls School having sharp sticks poked at him for money, or he's on a Caribbean Isle having sex with cross-dressing chimpanzees and drinking way too much Rum.
So we are forced to disburse all his stuff. First come, first served. I am claiming his coin collection, his karaoke machine, and I think I’ll take his signed first edition of Billy Jean King’s sex tapes. The rest of it is up for grabs, just name it and you can claim it. Be forewarned though, it isn't for the shy or the faint of heart. One item is that six foot whale’s phallus hanging above the mantle (apparently he was a frequent bidder in Ripley’s Believe it or Not liquidation auctions).
So while mashing, bashing, and generally disfiguring each other this week, and doing what ever your little avaricious hearts desire, be sure and claim some of Dolly’s stuff. It’s all for a good cause, which is the public humiliation of RollDdice, aka Dolly.
NOW! On with the show:
Matt’s an idiot, it’s now so blatantly obvious that even “Mr Whut?” sees it, he understands the depth of his idiocy, and he is depressed. Even God can’t believe what an ignoramus St. Matt has revealed himself to be.
So, night 21, he sleeps alone in his monks cave on the Isle of his Purgatory, congratulating himself on having been the most naive person to play the game of Survivor. Replacing (in his mind) Eric.
Even worse, and to compound the misery he will suffer, at some point it’s going to dawn on him that it was his own misplaced vote that made the difference. It’s also going to dawn on him that Andrea, his beloved and betrothed, voted to boot him, and that had she not done so, she could have saved him.
It’s been a bad Day at Black Rock for poor old St Matt.
David thinks Rob pulled a Sopranos style hit on Matt. A cold blooded no-mercy hit on a puppy dog with big brown eyes, looking up a his master in adoration, wagging its tail. Just wanting to please his master. Then...WHAM. No More Matt!
Rooster approaches the spa girls and asks “ahm ah oun the shopun block?” After digging out their decoder rings, they realize that he is asking them if he is on the chopping block, and they reply that they have to ask Rob if they can talk to him. In fact, they have to ask Rob if they can ask Rob if they can talk to him.
Robfadda instigates the Buddy system. Which basically is aimed at Phil, their traveling tell-all show. Rabfadda has also instigated an "Us vs. Them" strategy, separate sleeping, separate eating, and no-body does nothing without telling Robfadda, and everyone tells Robfadda everything. On penalty of death.
Rob he reveals that the most loyal servant to King Rob is Nat the snitch, and that the biggest goat, Phil will go to the F3 with him. This might be a Million Dollarish quote.
Paraphrasing from Rob> “This is MY game. I'M in charge”. This is either a continuation of the Million dollar quote, or the beginning of the end for Rob. EPMB does like his little faceplant surprises.
First Immunity Challenge:
Phillip shows up with a feather on his head. He claims that “out of the air appeared this feather”. Literally. It is much more likely that the feather popped out of that bird brain’s ear, but Stiffy let it go for the moment.
After a desperate competition, and with the field narrowed to three, two Zaps and one Ometepe, (or Omtempo as Phil the secret agent and super linguist calls them), Grant wins.
Since this is a challenge which favors contestants with the greatest mouth capacity, it’s a shame that Stephanie wasn't around to show her stuff. She'd of wiped the field. As it is, it was obvious that the butt sucking Rob has been requiring from his teammates gave Grant the edge in mouth capacity. and he gets the Immunity necklace
This pretty well seals the deal for a Zap, the only question is which one.
Upon returning to camp the Zaps try a novel strategy. They act as if they are digging for a HI. When Rob sees this he panics and he and Phil grab shovels and push the Zaps off their dig and take it over. No one finds anything, but there might be a little doubt in Rob’s mind that maybe the Zaps found it before he got there. Not a bad try at psych-out by the Zaps. An admirable try in fact, and it might have worked.
First Tribal Council:
Phil’s theme at this TC is his heritage; His grandfather was a full blooded Cherokee who came to Phil in a vision and told him that the Ometepe’s would live long in Survivor lore. And some other stuff. Phil’s delusions are getting a bit tiresome, but there was some back and forth, with each exchange showing Phil going deeper and deeper in to the dark, hidden, and frankly frightening recesses of his mind. He doesn't mind being “on the Bottom”. Nuff said?
During the discussion about Phil’s magic feather, Ralph says that he is hoping for a whole bird, and a whole bunch of feathers.
Phillip gets five votes, but Mike is voted out.
Afterwards Rob reveals that he considers Phil to have proven himself to be loyal. This sounds like famous last words to me, but who knows. And Phil now feels that now he should try out for Broadway.
Second Immunity Challenge:
They are given the option of competing for the IN or eating hamburgers. Ralph and Steve opt to eat. Since the challenge is a stamina challenge and involves hanging off a horizontal pole, it favors the lighter bodied survivors, and Steve and Phil might as well eat hamburgers, they don’t have a chance.
But the others give it a go, and sure enough it comes down to the three lightest, the three Ometepe women, and they decide among them selves to let Andrea have it.
Again the deal is pretty well sealed for a Zap, the only question is which one.
The Zaps were forbidden by Rob to eat fish caught by the Zaps. Which basically showed two things, first Rob doesn't know beans about fishing or fish preparation, and that the Ometepe are the Zombie Teddy Bear tribe.
Second Tribal Council:
Phil’s theme for this TC is the division of labor among the Ometepes, and how he’s the...well, I actually didn't understand what the heck he was saying, something about a “for the first time in 22 seasons, a highly effective, and beauteous and glorious operation” and some more stuff called “Stealth-R-us”, and Rob who he describes a mineralist, and Grant the destroyer of aspirations, and the women he calls the three degrees. It was pretty much a psychedelic swirling of cosmic mysticism and tweety bird sounds, as is his usual.
Ralph wondered if his grandfather appeared to him again and told him to sit on the bench and eat hamburgers today (good one, Ralph!). Julie observes that Rob has complete control over his tribe, so much so that they aren't a tribe any longer, they are a cult. (Good one Julie!).
Rob got 4 votes. But David got five. And joined the despondent St Matt and the Gyreen in Purgatory.
David wrote Rob’s name down four times on his ballot in the hope that it would be counted four times, but the crafty and wise Jiffy Pop saw thru the ruse.
St Matt weeps for he in purgatory
Mike is also in Purgatory
And David is in Purgatory.
Rob has his Teddy bear tribe in complete control
The Spa Girls are still plucking each other.
Grant is Rob’s blow buddy
Andrea is still practicing her black arts
Phil is ...certifiable.
Ralph Missing his pelt picker Mike
Steve is not calling his own plays
And Julie is lost in the wilderness.
Till Next week when we will announce the announce the results of what we find after dredging bayou for bodies
In the meantime, drop in and take all you want of what DollyRice left behind. I understand there are cars, life insurance, his wife and kids, his cats, his ferrets. Hey, even his siggies are up for grabs.
Hidden kingfish, crouching Crab.