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""Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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03-17-11, 06:05 AM (EST)
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""Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""

Pink Panties in Paradise - There’s something very wrong when you can’t get any decent footage on Recycle Island with “One Arm” Kristina and Saint Matt sharing a tropical futon, but that’s the situation we find ourselves in. Maybe Matt started reading to her from the Bible in the nightstand and Kristina fired up the Three Stooges fake snoring. Perhaps Kristina put the moves on Matt, but he reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle of Cougar repellant. Maybe Matt has mastered “Blue Steel” and “Le Tigre”, but is still struggling with “Magnum.” Whatever the case, we begin with the Anything But Omniscient tribe wandering into their camp.

Always ready to contribute a good sound bite, Phillip tells us that “Kristina went home after a 4-3 vote. Three for me, four for her.” If this is the way Phillip reports scoring, it seems that Jim Nantz, Verne Lunquist and the rest of the NCAA Tourney play-by-play staff are in no danger of getting pink slips during this year’s March Madness. Phillip goes on to recognize that Rob has a tight alliance, but Phillip says he also brings a lot to the tribe. Even though Phillip has been accused of constantly reading his resume, he makes a good point. He does cater a nice seafood buffet with the crabs he catches and he’s learned to make tartar sauce using only his underwear.

Rob announces that it’s time for bed and mercifully they don’t go through the whole “G’night John Boy” routine. Phillip asks everyone to cuddle closer together so he’ll be under the shelter and can stay warm, even telling Rob “You and I are going to be real good buddies tonight.” Worried, Rob confirms that Phillip is wearing his Pink Panties from Victoria’s “My eyes are bleeding! Dear Lord, make it stop!” a lesser- known division of Victoria’s Secret. Phillip confirms that they’re in place, but closes with “But that doesn’t stop me.”

The next morning Rob awakens and complains of Phillip causing him “back pain”, but that’s only because we’re on CBS at 8PM and we’re supposed to be a “family show”. Rob reasons that if Phillip is a pain in the “back” around camp it “takes all the heat off of me. So in a way, maybe he needs to stay.”

Corporate Vision, Synergy and Buzzword Bingo - The Zumba tribe is throwing a Cardio Fishing Party. They’ve mesmerized the fish with their high energy dance moves and thrown them into the net just in time for lunch. Thrilled with their success, Julie kisses Mike and pulls some of the smaller krill from Rooster’s back hair for later.

Things are going so well that Steve has taken the morning off to go to a Corporate Team Building Seminar. He tells us that “My vision is to reach out to Krista and Stephanie. If we can show them that we’re a solid family and there’s no backstabbing and it’s a safe place to be, I would think that they’d want to hang tight with us going into a merge.” Suddenly, the last wire holding a grand piano that has been dangling just over Steve’s head breaks and the piano smashes to the ground, flattening Steve to a gelatinous spot that resembles Kingfish Brand anchovy paste. As the camera arcs around the front of the grand piano we can almost make out the brand. Is it a Baldwin…? Steinway & Sons…? No, I do believe it says Foreshadowing right above the broken keys.

Duel In The Father, The Sun and the Survivor Ghost – Treemail comes to both tribes, announcing that there is another Duel scheduled. Our writers have run out of rhyming couplets so they leave it to the tribe to decide who’s going. At Zumba, everyone changes into their Latin streetwear to settle it with a dance off. After Derek Zoolander and Hansel do their thing, David Bowie calls it for them, using their Survivor slave names . . . Stephanie and Krista. As the two girls go skipping off, Julie summarizes the shift in power by saying, “Now that Russell’s gone, Krista and Stephanie are no threat. They’re just pawns in the big game of life.”

But Steph and Kris have their own diabolical plan; they’re going to tell the other tribe that they’re “Russell Girlz” (t-shirt, boy shorts and carnival hats pending) and they hate, hate, hate their tribe. *foot stomp on each “hate” for emphasis*
Stephanie confessionalizes that “They’ve got two girls ready to flip. So we’re ready to cause some havoc and chaos and craziness at the merge.”

Jiffy has a fresh pair of khakis on and he introduces the gladiators to Rob and Grant for Anything But Omniscient and the too-much-screen time Krista and Stephanie for Zumba. Jiffy reminds us that Matt has won both of his Duels so far, while Kristina is a Duel Virgin. Their Challenge is for both of them to assemble the heavy puzzle pieces of their 3 by 3 cubes (or Roll D dice, if you will indulge me) so that the patterns match on all sides.

Matt gets off to a quick start, but he’s wrong and has to start over. Julie fights through her exhaustion and has to go back to Square One as well. While still working on the cube, Matt adjusts his crown of thorns and calls out to Rob. “You rascal. I still don’t know why you voted me off. You want to explain it while I’m working? It might calm me down or sump’in.” Rob mumbles a non-answer and also manages to give Matt a pass on the word “rascal”, figuring that it’s probably a Mayberry R.F.D. religious person’s euphemism for Boston’s “dirty bahstahd”. Finally, Matt solves the puzzle and achieves a three-peat. When Jiffy asks Matt if he learned anything from his conversation with Rob, Matt reinforces that he wants to go to the Final Three with Rob and Grant and he hopes to hop back up on the Anything But Omniscient tribe. Stephanie sees her opening and tells Rob that there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking over at Zumba. She admits that there is a schism, chasm, division at Zumba. Just to clear things up, Krista chimes in with “us two together, on the bottom.”

With a lingering shot of Rob licking his chops and picturing Krista and Stephanie on the bottom, Stephanie attempts to close the deal by saying “yellow might look good on me” as Krista’s bobble head goes up and down and she hits her go-to phrase: “Me too.” With that, Jiffy gets back to actual Retread Island business and sends Kristina packing. Extra crispy buff in the Charbroil Grill with a side of Mojo potatoes. Kristina leaves the game to the sounds of a polite “tennis clap” from Rob, Grant, Krista and Stephanie as she follows the acid tear tracks of one Russell Hantz.

Throw Me Under the Bus Stop - Meanwhile back at Anything But Omniscient Phillip is still trying to change his Facebook status from “One Man Alliance” to “At Least Someone Will Talk To Me”. He compares Natalie and Ashley to crabs, saying that they scurry away from him whenever he approaches. As true as that may be, it is usually a bad practice to compare women to crabs. Or even use the word “crabs” in conversation near them unless you’re actually sitting at your table at Red Lobster. He has better luck with Andrea, telling her that she’s the “best female working here.” Back at the Top Secret Special Operations Former Federal Agent Human Resources Department, there is a HR Professional executing a perfect quasi-military *facepalm* every time Phillip opens his mouth.

The Phillip/Andrea exchange goes something like this; Andrea: Have you ever tried to throw me under the bus? Phillip: Never! Andrea: Never? Phillip: Never! Andrea: Never Ever? Rinse and repeat. And while it’s almost as exciting as the “it’s not easy playing stupid” routine from Fabio and Benry, Phillip eventually gets to his point and suggests that he could ally with Andrea and Matt . . . if he returns.

Rob and Grant return to camp and report that Matt was victorious over Kristina. No surprise there, but it gives Phillip the opportunity to sneak in yet another confessional. He steals a page from the Charlie Sheen playbook and says, “To fully understand my relationship with Rob; the King is a Dictator and I’m a Lord. I’m waiting for my opportunity to replace the King.” Pretty deep stuff, but the truth is that in Rob’s eyes Phillip is really Mr. Potato head . . . a persona au gratin.

Blind Man’s Buff – In this oldie but goodie, tribe members are blindfolded while a sighted Caller gives each directions to retrieve bags of puzzle pieces. When the bags are all delivered to the puzzle table, the Caller opens the bags and solves the word puzzle. Reward consists of a Dunkin’ Donuts prize pack filled with doughnuts, coffee and all the fixin’s. They appoint Rob the Caller for Anything But Omniscient and Stephanie for Zumba, over David’s protests. ABO picks up the pieces and sends Zumba home empty handed.

After-math – While they count out and divide the pastries at Anything But Omniscient, Grant notices a clue in the jar of ground coffee and shows it to Rob. Grant “sets a pick” so Rob can stealthily grab the clue and run off to the woods. But what Rob doesn’t realize is that by now the rest of the tribe is so used to Rob’s digestive tract and running into the woods that he no longer has to raise one finger for “number one” and two fingers for “look for the HII”. In this case he sprints into the woods and cleverly swaps the new clue for the first (and very vague) clue he found. Grant shows up in time to “hide” the false clue.

“Go ahead, Caller” – Over at Zumba, they’re hungry, cranky and taking it out on Stephanie. David announces that “I’m the only one doing puzzles from here on out. That’s it. Point blank.” That includes the big 250 piece puzzle of the Polar Bear in a Snowstorm as well as Chinese Finger Puzzles. David has spoken. Point blank.

Tribal Council: Dead Woman Walking – Krista knows that she’s headed for Recycle Island so she lets fly, saying her tribe is like “the Brady Bunch went camping and invited two stepchildren along.” Mike calls Krista out for not forming a bond with anyone except Stephanie and Russell.

Krista strikes back, saying that the rest of the tribe is paired up and people should take a longer alliance view. Suggesting that she or Stephanie could become swing votes, she says, “If I were you, I’d be jumping on one of us.” Or maybe that was just a last ditch blatant sexual offer, it’s just too close to call.

Nevertheless, Jiffy turns over the Magic 8 ball and it’s Krista Klumpp who’s taking the long paddle over to Recycle Island.

When asked to say something nice about her dear departed friend, Stephanie said, “Did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly is?”



Mark "Need some sleep" Burnett
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  Table of Contents

  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
 The Sun also Rises kingfish 03-17-11 1
 RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... MissMyth 03-17-11 2
   RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... michel 03-20-11 22
       RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... MissMyth 03-20-11 25
           RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... michel 03-20-11 28
 RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... samboohoo 03-17-11 3
 Matt & Krissy sittin' in a tree....... suzzee 03-17-11 4
   RE: Matt & Krissy sittin' in a tree... Spanky68 03-18-11 10
       RE: Matt & Krissy sittin' in a tree... suzzee 03-18-11 13
       Announcement: All Survivor Crew and... RollDdice 03-18-11 14
           *peeks through tent-crack* foonermints 03-19-11 18
               RE: *peeks through tent-crack* Belle Book 03-19-11 20
               RE: *peeks through tent-crack* MissMyth 03-20-11 21
 RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... suzzee 03-17-11 5
 Bwahahaha suzzee 03-17-11 6
   Timeline of Terror RollDdice 03-17-11 8
 RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... jbug 03-17-11 7
 RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... MissMyth 03-18-11 9
   RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... Spanky68 03-18-11 11
 RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... dabo 03-18-11 12
   RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... RollDdice 03-18-11 15
       RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... dabo 03-18-11 16
           RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... RollDdice 03-18-11 17
 Life is a gamble kingfish 03-19-11 19
 RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... michel 03-20-11 23
   RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... Karchita 03-23-11 37
 Slammer! kingfish 03-20-11 24
   RE: Slammer! michel 03-20-11 26
       RE: Slammer! RollDdice 03-20-11 27
           RE: Slammer! michel 03-20-11 29
               RE: Slammer! suzzee 03-21-11 31
                   RE: Slammer! foonermints 03-21-11 32
                       RE: Slammer! kingfish 03-21-11 34
                   RE: Slammer! michel 03-21-11 35
 The Street kingfish 03-21-11 30
 RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Ro... tribephyl 03-21-11 33
 Crab Taunting... kingfish 03-22-11 36
   RE: Crab Taunting... dabo 03-23-11 38
       RE: Crab Taunting... kingfish 03-23-11 39

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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03-17-11, 12:38 PM (EST)
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1. "The Sun also Rises"
Or Phillip Snuggles to Excess

We Raunchy Girls are known for our snuggle techniques, we even have a night class for adult learning scheduled once a semester in Night Spooning. But there was massive gagging and vomiting in the Rec Room last night while watching the night moves Phillip was putting on the GadFadda. Even Raunchy Girls have limits we find.

However, the next morning, after getting the Wussy Boys we keep around for just such occasions as this to clean things things up, we were off on our morning run on our Vespa "Hogs". We couldn't find any new little towns to terrorize, but I did run across my Spoiler source (*not-Russell) who gave me the latest inside intel.

Spoiler #1: Phillip's late night covert actions are now aimed at the GadFadda. It seems that he believes that he can interrupt Rob's sleep by "inserting" himself while Rob's back is turned. However, since the GadFadda is used to being on top, this might not work out as well as Phillip hopes it will.

This is apparently only the latest phase of Phillip's plan to "do what ever it takes". The Raunchy Girls are a bit squeamish when we think about what the next phase might be.

Spoiler #2: The Ghost of Krista followed her to Redemption Island, giving her a heck of a fright.

Spoiler #3: Saint Matt, awash in a bright light which brings out the accents in his halo, is truly thankful once again that God liked him better than that evil sinner, Kristina. He knew she was evil when she attempted to pull down his bags and molest him when she arrived on the island. He resisted, however, believing that he was saving himself for Santa Andrea, his beloved and betrothed.

Spoiler #4: Unbeknownst to Saint Matt, Santa Andrea, in her fury at the GadFadda for separating her from her Romeo, has sold her soul to the Devil and is sacrificing little frogs and snakes inside a pentagon she has drawn in the sand. That she occasionally takes a lick of the sacrificial toad's butt only adds to her crazed devotion to the goat headed apparition she calls Daddy.

Spoiler #5: After spending a night snuggled up against Phillip, and being on the receiving end of Phillip's "knee", the GadFadda decides to keep Phillip around for another week or so.

Spoiler #6: Stephanie has a new "Best Player EVER!!" to whom she can devote her life in adoration. He is, of course, Boston Rob, and she is sure that the GadFadda will use her in "The Best Blind Side EVER!!! real soon.

(* legal disclaimer.)



Tribal Art

{Remember folks cut and paste "Because Spoiler to the stars, MissyPissy says so!" in your voting thread on spoilers. Don't let me down. I'm financing this spoiling gig out of my own pocket, and it's getting serious.}


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MissMyth 352 desperate attention whore postings
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03-17-11, 01:14 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
My tribe is full of numbnuts! No wonder I hate them all! Did it occur to you that I would have had a LOT more time to work on the puzzle if I hadn't had to keep dealing with Ralph?!?


>

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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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03-20-11, 01:02 PM (EST)
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22. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
Ah wus open all day long. All yous had to do was to throw me the damn ball. But Nooo! Yous had to keep me hanging. By the way, Ah wusn't surprised to see that yous din't think of the word "Sweet".



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MissMyth 352 desperate attention whore postings
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03-20-11, 03:13 PM (EST)
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25. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
LAST EDITED ON 03-20-11 AT 03:19 PM (EST)

With you standing there all I could think of was 'sweaty'. And not in a good way.
Edited to add that the thought of keeping you hanging makes me really happy.

>

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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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03-20-11, 09:24 PM (EST)
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28. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
Yous was power trippin' that whut yous was doin'. I don't need yous, I can hang myself.

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samboohoo 17075 desperate attention whore postings
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03-17-11, 01:28 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
*giggle*

Beach Day! Every day is a beach day. Every hour is beach hour.

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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03-17-11, 01:34 PM (EST)
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4. "Matt & Krissy sittin' in a tree......"
HA!

Could it be that Matt and I needed privacy and all the footage went to Burnett's special after hours party reel??? Never thought of that did ya?

Poor Matty Watty, he did have to be treated for a Cougar bite in a verrrry tender spot. >nudge-nudge<

Anyway, we made a deal. I would throw the challenge (thanks for the idea Zumba!) and he's throwing the next one so we can be together at the Lodge. Score! Another great alliance.



Picking great alliances since Episode 1!

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Spanky68 8092 desperate attention whore postings
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03-18-11, 11:20 AM (EST)
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10. "RE: Matt & Krissy sittin' in a tree......"
I just want to thank God for helping me stay around for another three days.

Kristina is obviously cracking under the pressure of being forced off the show. It is true that she did make improper advances toward me, but I am keeping myself pure for Andrea.

Andrea, I just want to be clear that nothing improper happened between me and Kristina. Yes there is a bitemark, but that happened when I pushed her away, it was not concensual.

Even death can't stop true love. I will come back for you!

Oh and don't think I was fooled by your non-answer, Rob. If you were going to stab me in the back, the manly thing to do was to admit WHY you did it, Rob.

I will return, and when I do, you will know my vengence.

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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03-18-11, 12:53 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: Matt & Krissy sittin' in a tree......"
Hey Matt, if you plan to hang out here any longer you need to get your temporary immigrant status upgraded to resident AND take the test. Stop at the second rock past the coconut tree and take a number, someone will be right with you........

and quit rearranging my sand, the bathroom is to the LEFT ~~stinky~~stinky~~.


Hey! Who moved the island?


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03-18-11, 01:11 PM (EST)
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14. "Announcement: All Survivor Crew and Production Departments"
LAST EDITED ON 03-18-11 AT 02:20 PM (EST)


From the desk of Executive Producer Mark Burnett

TO: All Crew members, Production Departments and support staff

The Night Shift Camera Crew is back and we will be having a screening of the Matt and Kristina sex tape tonight, 20:00 hours in the main Mess Tent/Production Meeting Area.

Popcorn and drinks will be available for $1 each and I'm told that there will also be a selection of candies and treats.

See you there! Have a great Survivor day!



Mark "The Master Showman" Burnett
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foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
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03-19-11, 10:43 AM (EST)
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18. "*peeks through tent-crack*"
Y'all ain't never gettin' rid of me.


Wow. It's a wonder that celluloy doesn't melt!

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03-19-11, 03:07 PM (EST)
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20. "RE: *peeks through tent-crack*"
Redemption Island might not be able to get rid of you, but I've already gotten rid of you by being safely tucked away with Rooster!


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MissMyth 352 desperate attention whore postings
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03-20-11, 00:43 AM (EST)
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21. "RE: *peeks through tent-crack*"
Daddy? Master?
It seems that many are arrayed against me, um, US.
Is it time to pull off the biggest blindside ever?

>.

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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03-17-11, 01:37 PM (EST)
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5. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
LAST EDITED ON 03-17-11 AT 01:38 PM (EST)

he’s learned to make tartar sauce using only his underwear

gag....retch.....thud

edited to add: “But that doesn’t stop me.”

gag....retch.....thud x 2


agman makes me hot

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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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03-17-11, 01:53 PM (EST)
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6. "Bwahahaha"

With a lingering shot of Rob licking his chops and picturing Krista and Stephanie on the bottom, Stephanie attempts to close the deal by saying “yellow might look good on me” as Krista’s bobble head goes up and down and she hits her go-to phrase: “Me too.”
...................................

the piano smashes to the ground, flattening Steve to a gelatinous spot that resembles Kingfish Brand anchovy paste.

More product placement Roll? >chortle<
...................................

Phillip is really Mr. Potato head . . . a persona au gratin.

>rim shot< You are killing me >insane giggle<

.........................................

What a bash-fest, I know you get plenty of material but dang that was really hilarious. >snort<


Charter member of the Sarcasm Society

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03-17-11, 10:14 PM (EST)
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8. "Timeline of Terror"
LAST EDITED ON 03-18-11 AT 02:13 PM (EST)

Thanks for the CTRL C's. When you write these things sometimes you get the material and sometimes the material gets you.

As you can see by my original posting time (3AM PDT), it's getting brutual. I either have to write shorter posts or hire a staff.

But today we celebrate. I'm going to grab my snarky shillelagh and head out to the Pubs.


Bounce or Die by IceCat

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03-17-11, 03:56 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
I know I know. I'm not giving anyone much to work with but...

I took a lot of hard hits back in the day -
that's my excuse & I'm sticking to it.


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MissMyth 352 desperate attention whore postings
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03-18-11, 04:34 AM (EST)
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9. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
Hey Krista, sistah, remember, all you have to do is beat Matt, and anyone else who shows up at Recycle Island. Then you come back into the game so we can continue with our cunning plan to perpetrate the biggest blindside EVER.

Just keep saying your 'hail Russells'.

>

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03-18-11, 11:23 AM (EST)
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11. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
I keep hoping for a challenge that involves strength or speed. Anything like that and Krista will be gone pretty quick. You would think that they would tilt the challenges to help me, since my story has become the most compelling on the whole show.

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dabo 25344 desperate attention whore postings
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03-18-11, 11:28 AM (EST)
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12. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
Me and Rob, we stayed dry that night. Oh yeah, it was nice and dry, Rob and me are tight now. Good and dry. Dry all night. I could dry all night.


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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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03-18-11, 01:15 PM (EST)
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15. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
Note to self: Ask Medical Staff to provide lube, condoms and safe sex information packets to Survivor contestants.



Mark "Safety First" Burnett
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dabo 25344 desperate attention whore postings
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03-18-11, 01:25 PM (EST)
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16. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
I am a trained government agent, you know how many different things you can do with half a donut?


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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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03-18-11, 01:42 PM (EST)
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17. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
Note to self: Ask Medical Staff to provide barf bags to Survivor editors.



Mark "The Considerate" Burnett
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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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03-19-11, 12:51 PM (EST)
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19. "Life is a gamble"
LAST EDITED ON 03-23-11 AT 09:16 AM (EST)


Or Just another Rolly Of the Dice

The Raunchy Girls Parade will be here soon and we are busy decorating our float. Our float will be pulled by Raunchy Girls in skimpy black leather outfits designed by Dior astride our specially prepared stretch Vespas. Should be quite a sight. If anyone is thinking that this will be a humdrum parade, they should be advised that the leather outfits are parade favors and will be thrown out along the route. No Raunchy Girl has ever ended a Raunchy Girl parade with any clothes left, and no Raunchy Girl ever will.

I will be on one of the floats, a gigantic bar glass filled with Gin (Absolute, <more product endorsements, this is a business, not a hobby folks>) and Tonic (Schweppes), with a monster wedge of Lemon (California Growers). My task is to hand out party cups filled from the float reservoir to revelers along the parade route. I also have a long straw for my own thirst quenching. If there is a single party goer along the route by the end of the day that can stand up unassisted, I've not done my job.

One of our supporters, my secret Spoiler Source (*Not-Russell) has been lending a decorating hand, and in between mixing and sampling, he passed on the latest Spoilers.

Spoiler #1: There was an earthquake of emotion and a tsunami of tears last week when Russell lost. Since then the Ghost of Russell has been spotted by the night shift cameraman peeking into the sleeping quarters, and weeping. Rumors are that he bought up the spicier video footage, Matt and Kristina, Matt and Krista, Matt and Francesca, Matt and Russell, (sensing a theme there? That maybe Saint Matt is making his own luck?).

Spoiler #2: Ralph, in one of his more composed moments, commented

"Whut isnter gossen hicken bamber? Whut isther rantburn gordmonert. Monken butters gits r dun, gan dang it"

Jiffy Pop whipped out his decoder ring, turned red, and refused to translate saying something about what happens between Ralph and the local troupe of monkeys stays between Ralph and the local troupe of monkeys. However they have carried him around on their shoulders a few times. Some sort of a Ralph worship cult has been formed by the monkeys, it seems.

Spoiler #3: The little brown hash marks keep appearing on the beach around Stephanie. The Ghost of Russell is still trying to convince her that when the OhNo's voted him out, that just showed how he a really won again.

Spoiler #4: The Reward offered in the upcoming episode is rumored to be Kingfish Anchovy Paste (I know, I'm shameless). Just remember, If it's not Kingfish Paste, it's not the best kind (please pause for a moment to reflect on just how terrific Kingfish Anchovy paste tastes, Ummmmmm Goooood!
<Advert Jingle..................> Ok we're back now).

Spoiler #5: Steve has devised the perfect plan to not win the Million bucks, i.e. generate good will among tribe mates, lessen tensions, promote tribe unity, and join hands in a friendship circle and all sing "We are the World" as they skip around and weave flowers in their hair. Needless to say, the survivor hook is most likely to visit Steve's neck in the near future.

Spoiler #6: Natalie and Ashley were sitting on a log at camp when Phillip bent over in front of then and let fly a Mighty Wind. Coughing, choking, and partially blinded they clung together and stumbled deep into the jungle. They found a heap of palm leaves upon which they fell, and hours later, when sight and smell returned, and when their fingers could feel again, they discovered new feelings awakening in them, feelings they had never explored before. Curious fingers started exploring, clothing was discarded, hungry tongues began to....(OK at this point, PG guidelines require that I direct you to another website, XXXSurvivorChicksInLoveXXX.Com. A hefty subscription fee is required, but revelations of an intimate and sensational nature will be revealed).


(* legal disclaimer.)



Tribal Art

{Remember folks cut and paste "Because Spoiler to the stars, MissyPissy says so!" in your voting thread on spoilers. Don't let me down. I'm financing this spoiling gig out of my own pocket, and it's getting serious.}


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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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03-20-11, 01:19 PM (EST)
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23. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
HEY! SARITA! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT I FREAK OUT UNDER PRESSURE? %?$%*?$ I NEVER FREAK OUT. I'M ALWAYS ?%?#&*$ CALM. PUZZLES ARE MY LIFE AND MY LIFE IS A PUZZLE.



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Karchita 4469 desperate attention whore postings
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03-23-11, 00:26 AM (EST)
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37. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
Case closed, law boy.

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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03-20-11, 03:05 PM (EST)
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24. "Slammer!"
I'm in the Jail house now...

The Marshals got me. The henchmen that the EPMB sent out finally found me. Drug me off my Vespa Hog right in front of the Raunchy Girl School.

I thought us Raunchy Girls were raunchy till I met my cell mate, Big Bertha. She real raunchy. Now I have cell "duties". Big Bertha likes her "Duties" done quite often, something about nothing else to do, I guess.

Anyway, I haven't given up my source (*not-Russell) yet, so I think I'll be getting out soon.

"What? Again? ...oh ok....."

All donations for bail money will be gratefully accepted.


(* legal disclaimer.)



Tribal Art

{Remember folks cut and paste "Because Spoiler to the stars, MissyPissy says so!" in your voting thread on spoilers. Don't let me down. I'm financing this spoiling gig out of my own pocket, and it's getting serious.}


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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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03-20-11, 04:02 PM (EST)
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26. "RE: Slammer!"
Do you need a lawyer? Please! Please! Let me play lawyer for you.



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RollDdice 5659 desperate attention whore postings
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03-20-11, 08:38 PM (EST)
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27. "RE: Slammer!"
Oh, boy. Point Blank for the Defense.



Mark "You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order!" Burnett
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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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03-20-11, 09:33 PM (EST)
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29. "RE: Slammer!"
Indubitably, Irrevocably, Innocentably...I know all the big lawyery words. That's why piggy needs too hire me instead of Stephanie and why I need too do the puzzles to.



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suzzee 4956 desperate attention whore postings
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03-21-11, 11:55 AM (EST)
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31. "RE: Slammer!"
Daaaaaaviiiiiidddd, Daaaaaaaaaviiiiiidddd......

I'm waaaaitinnnnng for youuuuuu.



Picking great alliances since Episode 1! Ghostie status since Episode 5

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foonermints 12302 desperate attention whore postings
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03-21-11, 05:16 PM (EST)
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32. "RE: Slammer!"
Hi baby! Let's form a ghost alliance..


We'll get the live ones as they drop off the Island.

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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03-21-11, 06:31 PM (EST)
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34. "RE: Slammer!"
Ghost crabs can Help!. We can skitter in, pinch real hard, and skitter away. Real ghost like.


King Crabbe

Crabs everywhere unite!! One claw for all!!

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michel 10812 desperate attention whore postings
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03-21-11, 07:42 PM (EST)
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35. "RE: Slammer!"
Really Kristina? You want me? You really want me? You're not going to leave me all alone like the people in my tribe but you'd take me? I LOVE you!!!



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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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03-21-11, 10:37 AM (EST)
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30. "The Street"
On the Loose

It turns out that the warrant was for riding a stretch Vespa naked without a license. Who knew? I was just exercising my right to an all over tan, and they gave be a ticket. The noive!

So after hiring a free lawyer (David donated his services for a promotional mention in this widely read column) to puzzle his way thru the red tape and spring me, here I am again. On the street! With a tattoo of Big Bertha's purse dog on my forehead. I think it is a purse dog. It's very hairy, so what else could it be?

When I hit the street I found out that while I was otherwise occupied the EPMB has been Rollying the Dice and stealing most of my best jokes in his summaries. That will not do, and I immediately asked my free lawyer to file a federal suit embargoing EPMB's funny lines. I may have to call a certain Secret Federal Special Sewer Agent from Mars to testify.

As the big gate of the prison closed behind me a Suburban with blacked out windows pulled up, and the surly voice of my inside Spoiler source (*not-Russel) growled out the latest spoilers.

Spoiler #1: Saint Matthew has been on his knees practicing what he's going to do to convince Krista to throw the upcoming RI Challenge. The Spirit of the Island has been taking pictures.

While on his knees, Saint Matthew also has been trying to convince God that Krista is more evil than Kristina was. Krista's name doesn't have as many letters in it, and so that proves that she is more eviler. And that he is more gooder.

Spoiler #2: The Zaps finally figured out that they had the key to an unlimited food supply. Besides the makings for a delicious flea and tick stew that could be reaped from Ralph's pelt anytime they wanted, they found that by dragging him thru the surf all kinds of seafood could be netted in his fur. He claimed:

"at fiels goud, nman, at feils goud". Hawyer, do er agin, yewall".

Once again, without the Jiff around to translate, his tribemates were at a loss. But they could tell that he was happy, so that was enough.

Spoiler #3: The night shift cameraman caught Stephanie sneaking out of camp and visiting the OhNo's. And she witnessed with envy the closeness that has marked Phillip and Rob's relationship as of late. Late at night, that is. While they slept, she managed to insert herself on the other side of Rob from Phillip, did her thing, and returned to her camp. There is a reason why Rob is smiling. Steph has a bit of a grin herself.

Spoiler #4: Grant has devised a new winning strategy. Make sure Rob gets all the HII's. Well, "winning" might not be the best way to describe it, but that's what his dreads are telling him.

(* legal disclaimer.)



Tribal Art

{Remember folks cut and paste "Because Spoiler to the stars, MissyPissy says so!" in your voting thread on spoilers. Don't let me down. I'm financing this spoiling gig out of my own pocket, and it's getting serious.}


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tribephyl 9688 desperate attention whore postings
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03-21-11, 05:34 PM (EST)
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33. "RE: "Be The Survivor: S22 Ep05: ‘Rob Picks Up The Clue Phone (again)’""
teeheehee...
Me and Rob got a good thing going.
Bet you didn't see how we snuck the clue out of camp.
Well, Rob did but... speaking of, Where is he?
Boy that guy is always here but yet always off doing something.
Rob?
*wanders off looking for Rob*

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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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03-22-11, 08:06 PM (EST)
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36. "Crab Taunting..."
Phillip...Nyah nyah nyah...Can't catch me... you and your little pointy stick...I can see you and your red panties coming... nayh nayh nayh!

Now you see me... Now you don't....I'm over here now, ...now I'm there...wait, was I here again or did you just imagine it...Whoo boy, this is fum.

It's looks easy...so easy, but you just too slow. You old, and you slow.

My Mama can move faster than you. My little baby girls (all 10,000 of them) can move faster than you.

You just toooooooo slow. You so slow, you make granny Jane look fast. If you was any slower you'd be travelling backward in time.

Oooh you look so dangerous, sneaking up on me like that with that pointy stick stick. You some kind of Secret Sewer Latrine Digging agent?

Oops, missed again, didn't cha! Hey that was almost close. You almost hit the same beach that I'm on.


(And tonite, it's toe (or whatever) pinching time! This is cousin Elvis, Aka Cool Crab...)

King Crabbe

Crabs everywhere unite!! One claw for all!!

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dabo 25344 desperate attention whore postings
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03-23-11, 02:01 AM (EST)
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38. "RE: Crab Taunting..."
I am a living truth-detector, no matter how many you are I am ready for the merge, I proved to Rob how good I am at merge, don't mess with me!


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kingfish 16088 desperate attention whore postings
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03-23-11, 09:14 AM (EST)
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39. "RE: Crab Taunting..."
We saw you "merging " with Rob last night.

You lucky we didn't sneak in and pinch it off. We would of but couldn't find it, we didn't bring a magnifying glass.

King Crabbe

Crabs everywhere unite!! One claw for all!!

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