LAST EDITED ON 03-07-11 AT 09:11 PM (EST)
(edited for awesomeness)
Better late than never, hopefully.
I watched the show twice, but this is completely from memory. Any lapses I blame on the drinking; it was Saturday night and that made it alright. So...
HERE ... WE .... GO
Matt took the blindside at last TC and shuffles his way towards a lean-to at Regurgitate Island. He says Hi to Francesca after waking the poor girl. The blurry-eyed Francesca is amazed at how well Philip can disguise himself.
Back at Imhotep, B-Rob is congratulating the real Philip on his acting performance. Surprisingly, Secret Agent Man takes it in with grace instead of declaring himself King of the World. B-Rob tells code name S.A.M that he is 5th in an alliance of 5. S.A.M says, "Put me in Coach." To use Cerie verbiage, S.A.M must not have a set of encyclopedias so he'll take the dictionary.
The story at Imhotep remains B-Rob, as he continues in confessional about how perfectly TC went. In fact, are we sure that B-Rob ISN'T Imhotep? Sure, he's toned down his world domination ambitions to now just wanting to dominate Survivor, but the man has been reincarnated 3 times now to Imhotep's 2. And with each reincarnation, he appears to gain powers from the last. If he continues this trend, surely he will have collected all the Survivor powers and forever rule the Surviverse.
B-Rob here shows his new power of Empathy (gained from All-Stars) and explains how only an idiot wouldn't feel resentment over being betrayed at TC, and Andrea is no idiot. He calls her a "touchy situation," but he has already revealed his hand by telling S.A.M it was an alliance of 5.
The next morning B-Rob cozies up to Andrea and extolls the unfairness of the situation, as if they all just spun a wheel and Matt's name came up. He also practices his new power (from All-Stars) of Passing the Buck. Andrea's silence is telling, but her tears in a following confessional are more so. She is pissed. If she can get her swashbuckling man back, they will look to end Imhotep's quest for domination.
Each tribe gets a bag full of marbles that will determine which two players gets to spectate the first epic battle at RI. At Zap-it-to-me, Steve and David get to go; while at Imhotep, the twin barbettes of Ashley and Andrea get to see the Show. All 4 are led to a Mayan type arena where JP and the two adrift inhabitants of RI await. Their "challenge" will be the infamous tie-sticks-together-to-create-a-pole-with-which-to-retrieve-keys-to-unlock-a-gate. The real challenge would seemingly be for the spectators to stay awake, especially when Francesca conjures her pole out of thin air and retrieves the first two rings before Matt can even get to 1st base. Francesca's pole fails to reach the third ring, however, and as she hustles to repair it, Matt finally unveils the Pole of Freedom. With a little suspense thrown in, Matt quickly retrieves all three rings and opens his gate to pull off one of the bigger rallies that Survivor has ever seen.
Indeed, Francesca is the first boot from S22, and in very anticlimactic fashion, she is instructed to toss her buff in the fire and leave (after which I'm sure some member of the crew rescues her buff from the fire before it can no longer be sold on E-Bay). The delirious spectators are sent back to their respective camps. Andrea is glad to have gotten to see her man duel, though wishes some body oil was involved.
THE MASTER PLAN
Back at Zap-it-to-me, Steve tells Russell that the "black girl" won while the "surfer boy" went home, before revealing to his Zap6 that actually the reverse is true. This somewhat meaningless lie would seem a strange play to most, but Steve Troll's-Bane has revealed that to kill the varmint, one must think, act and even possibly look like the varmint.
Russell knows something is rotten in Nicaragua and pulls his bikinied minions together. Their task remains the same: find the Holy Immunity Idol. Of course, only one pure of heart, or chosen by the crew, can find it, and thus, they are left bemoaning its whereabouts. Of course, they are completely unaware that the Rooster crows for thee.
Russell's trinity of Father, Cheerleader, and Unholy Mouth decide to perpetrate the scam of the faux idol, having not found the real thing. Apparently, everyone is given a faux idol kit upon entering the game. Stephanie puts it in her bag and then attempts to be as overtly obvious about it as possible. Apparently they missed H vs. V where a bulge in Rupert's pocket proved the most efficient, but heck, that isn't the only thing from H vs. V that they seem to have missed. Steve Troll's-Bane sees the ostentatious display and asks Stephanie if he can carry her bag for her, apparently believing there is beef jerky inside.
The men, minus David (I meant THE MEN), of Zap6 meet, and Steve Troll's-Bane floats the idea that they throw the next IC and boot He Who Never Works. Mike and Rooster are completely down with it, agreeing that if the Troll were a number, he would be like -4, and therefore addition by subtraction. They know Sarita will be down since she has already developed a show-spat with the Mouth of Russell. Julie and David aren't so agreeable, but both acquiesce to the majority.
WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE
The tribes gather for the IC. Talk about a horrible challenge to throw, it is the heinous wheel of many dunkings. Still, the Zap6 give the thumbs up on giving up, easy enough for everyone but Julie, who is their lone member forced to ride Harrad's Fun Ride.
Raising the question of whether this was even necessary, Imhotep blitz through the challenge even with B-Rob coasting with the puzzle. Mission Accomplished. Imhotep takes immunity, some goodies, and a tarp back to camp. The Zap6 look befuddled, as if unsure themselves if they were trying, and the Troll appears ready to eat some children.
THE POWER OF 4 SEASONS
Back among the blissfully unaware, B-Rob shows his new power of Clairvoyance (gained from H vs. V) and finds the clue to the HII, literally pulling it out from under Philip's butt. However, amazingly, the HII might actually remain hidden for once, as the clue is basically a bunch of jibber-jabber about the idol being here, there, or anywhere. Maybe if B-Rob finds the Lorax, he could ask him where it is. B-Rob stashes the clue, and at least has the peace of mind of knowing that no one else has it, in other words, not much.
THE AXE FALLS
Back at Zap-it-to-me, the Zap6 have decided to split the vote and oust the Troll on the revote. This a totally unnecessary risk since Rooster has the HII, but either this escapes said yardbird or the Red Chiapet thinks his secret is worth the risk.
Strangely, though the Troll had declared the possibility of a split vote on H vs. V a "genius move," this time around he immediately figures it is the standard play and explains that this means they can seize victory with just one flip. He immediately targets "the old lady" for flippage. Even more strangely, he sends the Mouth to do his dirty work. Not only is this an awfully important task to delegate for Mr. He's-Played-the-Game, but in the diplomatic sense, sending the Mouth is akin to Megatron sending Starscream to negotiate with the AutoBots. It is doomed to failure from the outset.
While Julie mulls the deal, after all, her Zap6 comrades had just doomed her to vertical water boarding with a simple thumbs up, the Mouth predictably declares victory on the other end. The Troll isn't so sure, and at least goes to speak to the Old Lady before she can escape, telling her - "If you do this for me, I have your effin back." Hey, for inspirational speeches, William Wallace this guy is not.
At TC, the Zap6 still deny they threw the challenge, with only Mike admitting to not giving 100%, deliciously even going so far as to refer to the Troll or his harem as "fat that needs to be trimmed off." Steve and David almost seem convinced themselves that they didn't, as if they had an out-of-body experience during the challenge or something.
Jeff isn't buying; after all, he has access to the tape.
The Troll and the Mouth then reenact PressTime Rag from CHICAGO with the Troll seemingly talking but only the Mouth's lips moving. The Mouth first extolls the virtue of playing with the Troll, and then goes off on a condescending rant about the value of numbers. Of course, we had already seen a confessional where the Troll explained that he never had the numbers and screw em. So, the rant comes off as little more than senseless drivel that probably more assures the inevitable vote than raises doubt. The Troll wisely remains silent throughout, perhaps hoping the Mouth will rile the Zap6 enough to boot her instead.
Senseless or sound strategy aside, JP maintains his role as defender of the last shred (and shred it is) of integrity in the game and rightly scolds the Zap6 for not giving their best at all moments that the cameras are rolling.
The voting goes exactly as advertised by the Zap6, and ends with a rare 3-3-3 tie, with his Roosterness getting the other votes. We have our revote and that goes even better with the Troll collecting every vote but one. The Troll takes the walk of shame while JP tries to add the obligatory portents of doom rather than properly congratulating the Zap6 for doing what two tribes prior could not.
NEXT WEEK- Matt vs. Russell = Good vs. Evil, but MB would never stoop to cliches.