LAST EDITED ON 04-26-10 AT 01:51 PM (EST)
Hello my fellow Bashers and Basherettes, I’m turning this over to my alter-ego Sarcastia from over at the Fabulous Losers Lodge
Just to distract you from my first summary I’ve picked out some of my favorite lines from past summaries. Hey, if Survivor can recycle challenges (go on challenge guys, take the season off why don’t ya) I can go green with this summary. Let’s review shall we?
Episode 1: Iltarion’s “Mini-Sum” and its finely crafted words brought this gem. Coach owns Colby in a challenge I believe but it gave me the ickiest picture that still is stuck in my mind. Although later on in the season Coach wasn’t able to own anyone. >wah wah wah< see Episode 4
Episode 2: Gothmog’s “Hoes vs. Vains” summary has changed the words in a tune that still pops up in my mind. No Sugar tonight in my coffee, no Sugar tonight JT. And now it’s going through my head. Again.
Episode 3: Snidgit’s “Mudslinging R Us--Now with Real Mud” summary gave me a good laugh at the sheer cleverness of this observation: Rob has been there, done that, got the t-shirt and married the check. Yes indeedy, that he did.
Episode 4: Molaholic’ “There’s No Crying in Survivor”, skillfully snarked Coaches infection with crybabyitis: …our beloved Dragonslayer sheds some crocodile tears to Tyson, who offers a soft head shoulder, followed by some sage advice - ditch the feathers during TC, stop with the Hero Stories, and keep the Tai Chi exhibitions to the secluded parts of the beach. This Hallmark Moment if followed by a freaky Alice in Wonderland commercial, just the comic relief we needed after all that pathos.I hear Coach thought he was made to look foolish in Toncatins. I think EPMB is two for two with the Dragon Crier.
Episode 5: Zipperhead’s “Season 20, Episode 5” summary gets two thumbs up for commenting on JT’s fancy voting footwork. “Some of the heroes express concern about JT’s habit of flip-flopping. He can’t help it - he forgot to bring underwear.” Lest we forget: Jiffy is the boss while he “needlessly reminds us that whoever completes the puzzle first will win immunity. Do you ever wonder if he slips some of these phrases into his daily life? For instance, in bed does he say “Do you want to know what you’re playing for?” Yes, yes I do.
Episode 6: Iltarion’s “ Tyson TKO’d, but still “pretty awesome,” gave us a list of playahs a.k.a’s. Since you can’t tell the playahs without a scorecard here ya go from the follow the rope and tie me up challenge the a.k.a’s are:
Dulby: Not all Texans are good with rope, apparently.
GrizzlyAdams: Not exactly... limber.
Deadweight: Did well enough early to draw sarcastic praise from Snarkney, but ultimately probably tired out.
OMandy: Good form.
JayTee: Good effort. Wears Wranglers.
Candy: Thin, limber, and needed it. Can thank production for the ideal challenge.
Salsarita: Doesn't do the challenge thing.
Jerrimander: Scru this.
Snarkney: Rope was thicker than her arms.
TheEyeCandy: Not into being tied up, sadly.
DragonSlayer: Won in his mind, at least.
Parvasive: Nice butt, but couldn't stay with the boys.
DarthRuss: Scrambled like a "hobbit on crack."
PsychoT: Slithers with the best of them.
BosRob: Proved, like Candy, that willpower was the key to the challenge.
Episode 7: MissMyth’s “Clash of the Titans” she points out that “Colby admits that he is now under pressure to perform which is cause for some anxiety. (probably not a first for Colby)” bwahaha the perfect observation in my opinion.
This one about Jerri (big snort) “Unfortunately she hurts Co(ckro)ach’s feelings by “throwing all her eggs in Russ’ basket” without consulting him first. Jerri replies, coyly, “not all my eggs”. (You might as well Jerri, no one else wants those eggs)” They’d be hard boiled by now anyway, yes?
Episode 8 Michel’s “ Trolls, Hoes and Zero’s” is a snarkfest that gave a clue to the Zero’s all girl alliance between Amanda and Candace. “That scene, on the insider clip, ended with Candyass saying to Manhanda: “I still don’t trust you.”
Manhanda answered: “Neither do I.”
Candyass replied: “You skanky little Ho.” BWAHAHAHA!
Episode 9 was such a snooze fest it wasn’t worth a bash. Summary: JT, without Stephen to think for him, gives the troll the Precious.
On to Episode 10 and what shows I thought I was watching.
Credit to Amanda for the perfect title: “My Head Hurts”.
“Who’s the Boss?”
The Villains Camp: Russell thinks he’s running the show. Jiffy (who takes great exception to that because he’s wearing the clean shorts and is holding the snuffer) anyway, Jiffy tells us Parvati is the Queen that’s pulling the strings of Russell’s shorts and don’t you forget it.
The Queen finds the
scepter HII and tells the First Maiden she found it first. First Maiden scowls at the queen. It was so gracious of Parvati to tell to tell Danielle about the HII. Besides, it was too late to tell Danielle there really wasn’t a clue at the Outback commercial reward it was just a trivia game on a bar napkin. Drat
The Heros Camp: Brak brak (credit S. the Clown) Heros plan for the merge.
JT, hooked on a feeling, sends a love letter to his new bestest friend….
Excerpt from JT’s unholy alliance proposal:
the only hope I have of staying on the island this HII and stab me in the back with it save yourself from that viper! Vote her out! She’s mean! Be a zero Hero with the boys! Hugs and good luck buddy! We’re looking forward to being your new best friend. Loooove, Tyra Your Brokeback Buddy, JT.
PS: I’m the one from Texas. (You’ll know me by the plaid shirt.) (I’ll be wearing a rose behind my right ear.) Kthxbye.
Then we all sit back and wait for JT’s WTF happened confessional.
Day 25 Heros Camp
“The Surreal Life”
JT wants something to happen (oh, the irony). Colby, the new old guy, says it’s exponentially the worst time ever, pout. Ten years of the soft life has taken its toll on the Colbster folks.
Rupert and Amanda find a chest and no
Danielle and Parvati find a sling (for JT’s a$$) and a key.
The light bulbs go on simultaneously the whole island of Samoa is seen from space and we have a real live Merge! rimshot!
The Coven sits around the cauldron and cooks up their story for JT. Sandra is either eavesdropping or looking for the loo. Russell notes he has the only immunity idol in pocket which is true since bikini’s don’t have pockets. He also wants them to eat out of his hands. That’s just nasty I can’t imagine where those little troll paws have been from Samoa to A$$amoa.
Later Day 25
So many classics! She-Ra Princess of Power, Desperate Houswives, Cougar Town, Squidbillies, and Twin Peaks.
Parvati, Sandra, Jerri, Russell and Danielle come into view. As they schlep along the beach, budget cuts are evident in the lack of helicopter transport to the Hero’s camp. Jiffy wouldn’t give up the cabana boy or manicurist this season. Nuff said.
The Hero’s are shocked into stupidity at the sight of Parvati the Invincible and they can’t see their newest Hero Padawan Russell because he’s buried under the box-o-stuff they brought with them.
NOTE TO BURNETT: PLEASE SCRIPT THE MERGE TRIBE NAME FROM NOW ON. Thank you.
Merge merge, munch munch.
JT deduces there are no idols left in the game. Check.
He trusts Russell implicitly. Check.
Hook, line and sinker. Check.
“The Pirate Master”
Rupert gets something right (even a blind pig finds an acorn once in awhile), Russell might be playing the Hero’s, no way, not Russell. I hate reality TV, better change channels.
“Five Most Extreme Pests : Locusts”
The Villains start eating their way through the
Hero’s camp much to the consternation of the locals. “Eat all the coconuts you want but leave my banana alone.” Say the Hero’s. I think that’s the eleventh Commandment.
“To Tell the Truth”
Parv and Amanda finally get some time alone. Pavarti thinks Amanda is shining her on. Amanda tells us, wait for it. “My head hurts.” We know Amanda, so do ours.
Yikes, its Monday and I’m only this far, I better get moving
OK quick and dirty from here on out.
“Hanging with Mr. Cooper”
We get the scoop from Russell that they’ve decided on Yin Yang because it means good and evil. Yin Yang? As in a bunch of Yin Yangs? In Samoan it means keep away from my bananas.
They all climb up on poles and hang on for what honestly seems like 4 minutes (Thank you editing).
The Top Guns of past 19 seasons start dropping like fleas off a dog.
Colby, the Tough, beats Sandra, the Bossy, off the pole. ( I like that line so much I’m just leaving it alone) in less then a minute. Russell, the King, beats Rupert, the Unconvincing, off the pole. (checking the pg rating, still safe. )
Amanda, the Sneaky, steps off the pole. JT, the Wise, fakes getting off, then keeps re-adjusting, then gives up on the pole altogether.
Jerri, the Lonely, stays on the pole for 1 ½ hours. Colby cleans his nails and thinks he should have stayed home.
Candace, the Coy, wants to get off, Jiffy wants her to stay on. Poor Jiffy.
Who’s left? Oh, Danielle, the um…ah…, I got nothing and lastly, Parvati, the Queen, looks like she is quite at home on the pole. (eyebrow raise). Parv passes the win to Danielle who astutely points out that Parv has at least a dozen Idols already. Enjoy it Danielle clap clap. That had to be the most boring IC I’ve ever seen. Thanks Burnett.
“Lost, Damages, and The Biggest Loser”
The Hero’s give strategizing a shot but their heads hurt so Amanda tells Parvati to play the idol and save herself. Parv smells a rat, then the wind changes and it’s all good.
Up the steps and through the nerve wracking back ground music we wind up at Tree Top Tribal. You know what happens. Parvati pulls the “Now you owe me” game by giving idols to Jerri and Sandra.
That noise was Russell’s chin dropping after he realized that he’d just got out maneuvered by a girl.
Parv will have some splainin’ to do back at camp.
The Hero’s vote Jerri, whos votes don’t and haven’t counted so far this season and the Villains vote JT, who never counted on this happening.
That about wraps it up for Ep 10, loyal Bashers. Hope you enjoyed the summary. Stay tuned for more Samoan high jinks.
Have pole, will dance