Previously, on Survivor, the Galu tribe entered the merge with an 8 to 4 advantage. Then, despite their calls of “Remember Timbira, remember Timbira” and their determination to find the Samoan words for “get the hell off of my island” Erik was voted out. Erik? Yes, their Erik. You see, Galu had plenty of numbers left, plenty of numbers! Any junior varsity player could see that.
Then, instead of targeting Mick or Jaison who had spend all their days sleeping in the shelter, they decided that the guy who had snooped around camp all day, Russell, should be voted out. Monica asked: What if Russell found the idol? Galu couldn’t be bothered with that. You see, they’re rocket scientists, lawyers and geniuses so none of these grammar school problems mattered. Russell wasn’t quite done playing yet so Kelly received the idol bounce right in the kisser (a cute one at that even if we didn’t see much of it). Despite that, the Galu we knew was still tight.
So tight that they were all ready to pick rocks to save their viper queen Laura. Well, all except John that is. John wasn’t going to risk his million on a 14.3% chance of leaving. No, John wanted a 100% guarantee so he made a move that guaranteed he’d have 100% chances of losing! Laura left but a Foa Foa was going next. Russell had promised it.
Realizing that Russell’s word wasn’t worth much, certainly not a million dollars, John found a way to save himself: Make Foa Foa vote for him instead of Dave! That’s right; he could have turned the game around when he made himself Russell’s target because Shambo was voting Dave.No.Matter.What. There was only one problem; Galu wanted John gone just as much as Russell! Jaison wasn’t sure it was a good idea and Mick… well Mick… you see… Hum… Mick wasn’t sure. Such a forceful leader, he makes such quick decisions!
Imagine how funny the tribal council would have been if 3 Galus + Russell had voted “John”, Shambo and the 3 other Foans had voted “Dave” while John alone had voted “Mick”. John would have created a tie in which he was the swing vote but he wouldn’t be allowed to vote the second time!!! His future in the game would have depended on everyone else being ready to pick a rock!
Instead, John fell off the fence he had been straddling. It wasn’t as funny but not bad. John wound up in Loser Lodge where he continued to argue that Laura and Dave were the dumb ones! The once mighty Galoot was sitting on the jury while Foey Foey was in control.
“How is that possible?”
Don’t try to pretend you don’t know what production has been up to there, Jiffy. Early merge, ready-to-find-idols and canceling Tribal Council made it possible.
So, at this point Russell, the one Jeff called the biggest villain in Survivor history, is loved by most of the audience while Shambo, one of Jeff’s favorite, is hated by many, many viewers.
“How is that possible?”
I think Jeff could possibly be out of touch with what the audience thinks.
OK, so this is Thursday night and I could be watching the Pittsburgh Steelers playing the Cleveland Browns or the Pittsburgh Penguins playing the Montreal Canadiens but I signed up for this. I have to write this summary for the 3 or 4 people who missed the episode and still care about knowing what happened. They probably missed it because they were watching the Football game! Why am I doing this?
“Because you’re retarded!”
Stephenie, you stay out of this. It’s not your turn.
OK, 8:00PM but what is this? CBS has messed up their schedule again because I’m watching an old Seinfeld re-run.
Jerry returned home only to find that Kramer had overstayed his welcome; he had used the spare set of voters that Jerry had been keeping in his back pocket. Exasperated, Jerry demanded an explanation from George. George told Jerry that it was to spare his feelings, knowing that he couldn’t kick out his girlfriend, you know, what’s her name again? Mulva?
George then told us: “You see; I’m king of my domain. It doesn’t matter if I lied to get that title. I lied about my job, I lied about almost every aspect of my life. This is too easy.”
Well, I’d rather watch Football so I’ll come back later. The game hasn’t started yet and the Penguins are leading 1-0 so back to CBS.
The show has started and Jaison is wheeling and dealing with Monica and some other guy on the beach. How much did I miss? If Jaison has started playing, I feel like I missed several episodes!
Anyway, he’s asking Monica and the other guy who they would vote for if they were on the jury.
Not very subtle there mister lawyer.
Monica says Mick or Russell would get a lot of votes.
The other guy thought Russell had played an insane game.
Jaison responded: “That’s interesting because, behind the scene, it has been me and Russell making decisions. I let him out there be the aggressive bulldog while I stayed behind the scene. I’m beginning to think that was the wrong strategy.”
No, I was wrong. That was probably just a promo for the next episode because we are still in commercial. It’s showing a handsome guy selling some sort of new razor because he says he’s spend 31 days in the jungle and still has no beard. Amazing.
I’d rather watch football. Stupid Steelers let another kick return deep in their zone. Back to CBS…wait this must be ESPN 22 because I’m looking at a bowling match. The yellow “Rollers” are up against the purple “Gutters”. Where’s the remote? I can’t find it so I’m stuck watching bowling in prime time.
These bowlers are awful; only 1 player gets a strike. In the end, this black guy wins the whole thing. Who knew African American men could bowl? Well, I’m being generous because he only needed to score a 2 to win.
Hey! I must have sat on the remote because I’m back to Jerry who is saying: “As soon as I got my keys back from Kramer, I was like Bye-bye. Kramer’s going home tonight.”
Kramer was very upset by Jerry’s reaction: “I’m off to California. I’m going to spend my time on the beach.”
Time for a Victoria Secret’s commercial where this pretty blonde is selling frilly yellow underwear. I may just stay on this channel for a while. She’s hanging them up to dry outside, suggestively smiling at the camera…
Oh well, back to Seinfeld where Elaine approached George to find a way to fix the feud between Jerry and Kramer.
George reasoned: “I have a lot of options for my career right now. I could pull out of this gig and be the star of my own show. I’d be great but I’d have to do some real work. The other option I have is keeping Kramer. Without Kramer, this show is worthless so, if I want to continue making millions of dollars the easy way, I need to keep Kramer around. It’s a good career move to keep him.”
Ain’t that the truth?
George opted to go to California and talk some sense to Kramer.
Sitting on the beach, George told Kramer: “I don’t know why you didn’t come to me because I’m Jerry’s best friend. That would have been your best move.”
There was just one problem; Kramer was arrested when he was mistaken for a serial killer roaming the streets of Los Angeles. We saw him standing trial and the prosecutor was interrogating witnesses.
In the end, Kramer was found guilty and was sentenced to prison which wasn’t how I remembered that episode ending. Anyway, Seinfeld was better in the early days when it was about nothing but the characters’ daily lives. I guess that’s what happens when a series stays on the air too long.
We then see a commercial where a cougar in a sexy dress is flirting with the handsome guy from the razor commercial, admiring how strong he looks.
Finally, we are told that, after the commercial break, Survivor will be starting. Only a half hour episode this week but I guess it’s better than being shipped to web broadcast like Pirate Master.
The schedule seems to be off a little bit but it isn’t the first time. The tribe is back from Tribal council where another member of the old Galu had been voted out.
RussHell told his alliance that he didn’t care about the numbers; Brett was the biggest threat left.
Russell in an interview: “Brett is just way too likable. He’s a nice guy while I’m a creep. Brett is a huge threat in this game.”
Mick felt insecure about his position in the alliance. He told Russell: “Last night, you mentioned you’d vote out anyone who was a threat, anyone who the jury was going to like.”
Russell did some damage control by saying he was talking about Brett the whole time.
Mick then went to whine to the camera guy: “Day 1, I was voted leader of our tribe but they thought I was so useless that Russell developed into the leader of us, strategically. He’s a player so I have to start thinking that he could take other people to the jury with him so that he has a better shot.”
Now Mick, who would give him a better shot than you? You’re the perfect patsy to face in the end.
Russell told us: “Mick is freaking out and when you freak out that much, you’ll flip. That worries me that he’s going to send me home because that is what I would do.”
No time to analyze this scene because we are off to the immunity challenge.
Jeff asked: “Are you guys ready for another stupid immunity challenge?”
Surprisingly, none of them said “No Jeff. We’d rather just sit around all day” because that’s how thrilled they looked.
These get so repetitive after a while. I mean, you could tell by the macabre chant that played when Jeff took the necklace from Jaison that he wouldn’t be seeing it again while Brett’s smile when Jeff said it was back up for grabs gave us a big hint as to who would be modeling it for the next TC.
It’s the “put your bag in the basket by jumping a plank” challenge that looks like the one from Africa.
Do you really want a play-by-play? I didn’t think so.
The guys got off to an early lead, well except for Jaison who was just like a girl.
Mick, wearing Amanda’s ass-blur, barely missed on his first toss while the beardless wonder and Jaison got their bag 3 feet off the ground. Thrilling, I’m telling you.
Natalie, who was struggling just to keep her clothes on, was probably thinking: “Do I need immunity? No, I think I’ll just make this one bag to look better than Jaison and Monica but I’m not rushing back out there.”
Too bad because it could have made this challenge interesting after all.
After seeing bags go up and down, it became a contest between Mick and Brett.
You already know who won.
Jaison spoke for Foa Foa: “Brett has shown that he has new life. If he continues to win challenges, he could throw a wrench in our entire game plan. Now, we’re going to get Monica which is fine but this could be a problem.”
Jeff sent them back to camp saying: “I’ll see you at tribal tonight” and then he winked at ShamButch who was all giddy to get the attention. ShamButch, Jeff? Really? My, have you hit hard times since Julie dumped you. Looking at her, I’m reminded of an old Survivor quote: “I didn’t know they made such an animal!” I wonder if anyone remembers who said that.
That walk back to camp was quite long, wasn’t it? Started on day 32 ended a day later.
Arriving in camp, Brett received a kiss from ShamBitch. The wink from Jeff must have made her feel bold because she made an advance to Brett: “You didn’t want to go home alone tonight, did you.”
Brett answered: “If you come that close to me again, I will swim back to the States.”
Monica showed that she could count the remaining Galus: “Today, Brett won immunity and it totally sucks for me. It puts me in a bad situation where I seem to be the next viable option to go home. But, I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that doesn’t happen.”
She did stir up some fun moments.
First, with Brett, she asked Mick if he felt comfortable making it to the final 3.
Monica said that Russell was probably thinking of taking ShamButch and Natalie to the end.
Mick told us a snake story. Thanks Mick.
Mick told us a bit more in an interview: “There’s definitely part of me that wants to make a big move and definitely I thought about the possibility of getting rid of Russell. But then there’s this other part of me that is a total wuss. There are emotional and moral attachments to people but every night I sit there and I visualize in my head my name with a million dollars written in front of it.”
Mick talked to Jaison about Russell taking Natalie and ShamButch to the end but this time it was Jaison who had nothing to say.
Monica saw that she needed to go on offense. She told Russell he was keeping a lot of threats around.
Russell answered: “My position is the best in this game right now. Why would I jeopardize this right now?”
Monica replied: “You are jeopardizing your game by taking Jaison who is counting down the days until day 36 when it’s your final day to play the idol.”
The cymbals told us Monica was better at hitting Russell than she was at making baskets.
She saw the nerve and decided to pick at it: “I’m surprised you want to put me on the jury. I could make or break you on the jury. I mean Natalie already told me that you make lots of money.” (Ooooh good one!) “Oh! Not Natalie but, uh, Jaison told me you’re a multi-millionaire already. I’m voting based on need. Who needs the money.”
Her sly smile as Russell walked away showed that she could have been an interesting player if she had been in a good alliance.
Russell went to Natalie: “I told you that if you betrayed my trust, the deal’s off. You told her I make lots of money. Why would you do something stupid like that?”
Natalie was surprised: ‘I didn’t do that.”
They both cornered Brett to find the secret source of information.
Brett told them it was Jaison.
Russell confronted Jaison asking why Monica would tell him all that.
Jaison simply answered: “Because she’s trying to stay in the game.”
Jaison felt the heat: “Russell was so angry. I might have made a mistake that turned me into a dumbass blonde girl. I’m nervous that Russell is going to come after me. We got to nip this in the bud soon.”
Jaison had a discussion with Natalie and Mick: “Russell is Russell (Man! These lawyers are smart) He might think that he can win with ShamButch better than he can with the rest of us.”
Natalie had a profound: “Oh! My word.”
(That’s probably why we haven’t heard more from her, she only has 1 word.)
Jaison added: “The three of us, myself Mick and Natalie, we have to make a tough decision tonight.”
Russell being Russell, was angry: “Monica had to open her little pie-hole. The little bitch needs to be sent home tonight but now, I have to worry about Jaison. If, at Tribal Council, I feel any kind of heat, I got the immunity idol, if I feel any kind of threat whatsoever, I will play it.”
(Did he say Shambitch? Did he? I hope he did but I think he meant Monica.)
As soon as the jury walked in to tribal council, Russell used Brownroach’s idea and whipped out the idol. Now, in addition to the producers stuffing his pocket with idols, RussHell also gets help from our posters. That’s really not fair.
Jeff asked what was up. Russell simply said he felt like wearing the pretty necklace that he found.
<Jaison and Mick looked surprised.>
Shambutch agreed: “Everything he does is a surprise.”
Russell explained: “Some people here think this puts a target on my back but I beg to differ about that. This puts a target on somebody else’s back…Nobody knows what you’re going to do with it which is what makes it so powerful.”
Brett said that Russell appeared comfortable. “They do have the numbers but when you get comfortable in this game, things come back to haunt you. You got to stay humble.”
Shambitch said: “It was the worst day we had prior to tribal.” (She means of the days that she was awake enough to remember) “”Russell got his feathers ruffled and it was just...”
“Awesome” interjected a laughing Monica.
“Not pretty” completed Shambitch.
Russell explained: “Monica tells me “if you vote me out, I ain’t putting your name down for the million dollars and I’m talking to people and they’re not writing your name down.” You’re only making me vote you out now.”
A defiant Monica replied: “Russell came into the merge and tried to push a lot of buttons and I haven’t seen Russell’s buttons pushed but today, he was huffing and puffing. He was asking (in her best Russell imitation) “did you say this about me?” He was fuming. FUMING!”
<Brett and Jaison smiled>
Jeff asked what delighted her about that.
Monica said: “I had a sentiment of pride that, if I put a centilla of doubt in their mind, I accomplished my mission.”
Jeff realized that Monica had learned Russell’s lessons.
Russell said: “If I had been on her tribe in the beginning, we would have been dangerous. She got me pissed off. If she had played that hard all the time she would be the one in charge right now.”
- “Or I could be going home earlier.”
- “I’ve been playing hard this entire game and I’m still here.”
- “Because of idols.” (Can I say I loved Monica in that instant?)
- “Well, that’s playing hard.”
Jeff wondered if Russell was concerned that Monica had stirred up trouble.
Russell said “Not at all. I know that everything’s fine.”
<Jaison and Mick looked uncertain>
Russell added: “That might be my mistake in the game but I don’t think so.”
Mick was concerned: “We’re not short-sighted enough to think we’re all four going to win the million bucks. Your wheels start spinning a little bit. I might be up in front of the jury against so-and-so instead of so-and-so. You have to be thinking about that and, if you’re not, then you’re stupid.”
Jeff told them it was time to vote.
We saw Monica voting for Russell while he voted for the “stupid little girl”.
After retrieving the votes, Jeff asked if anyone *cough*Russell*cough wanted to play the idol but it stayed around our villain’s neck. Was he making a fatal mistake?
Dave seemed to think so when he uttered “awesome” as the votes were tied 2-2 but, of course Monica was voted out 5 to 2.
Jeff left them with a reminder that not all 6 could win so that there will be more scrambling.
Monica left saying that she was shocked to have lasted 33 days and was proud to have caused conflicts.
Thank you for reading.
Thanks to Burrito Taco for the gif and Laura for the Kramer inspiration