LAST EDITED ON 04-26-08 AT 05:21 PM (EST)

Survivor 16
Lost In Micronesia
Heroes vs Others

I know it can be confusing to have two consecutive hours of Survivor, one presented on CBS, the other on ABC, every Thursday, especially with all the continuity issues that occur.
I’ve written a summary of the events that have led up to this point to help you out.

Season 16 started with a tribe of Others living on an island in the South Pacific. They were a strange bunch but we didn’t get to know a lot about them at first. The season was all about our Heroes who were surprised to wind up on the island after being thrown out of an helicopter by Probst. Is Probst the mysterious leader of the Others?

The Others were determined to kick the asses of our Heroes, making the island a very hostile place to be.

Rough Reception

Fairplay, the Favorite Hero, became the first target. Fairplay and Probst were bitter rivals and, in a flashback, we were reminded why: Probst had killed Jon’s Grandmother just because she wanted to visit him in the Pearl Islands. Fairplay, trying to be the nice guy, attended the first Tribal Party hosted by Probst. Once there, Fairplay was happy to announce that he would soon be a father. Probst interrupted him, menacingly saying: “You are not a Father yet.” Fairplay understood the threat and feared that his pregnant girlfriend could be killed if he stayed. He hurried off the island.

Mary was the second to be eliminated.

We all wondered if there was even a Mary on the island. I think she was one of the Tailies, those almost-forgotten Heroes that were out of sight in the back of the helicopter while Probst was hogging the camera. She was eliminated because she was in a romantic alliance with a rival of Troy…Tom…Truck, whatsisname, you know, the Others’ big bully. If there was something about Mary…

I think this was all you needed to know about her. Her boyfriend Mikey (or was his name Paullo?) soon shared her fate, another victim of the bully.

Despite all the dangers, some Heroes found love on the island. We had Amanda and Ozzy doing it in a cave, Kate and Sawyer doing it in a cage and Parvati and James doing it everywhere. Naturally, those couples wound up forming a powerful alliance: The little Aussies, they were called. Ozzy, being a swimming champion, was loved by all the little Aussies. Kate had been a Hero since the very first season, you know, the one with a Hatch. Back then, she was in love with the Doctor. If I remember correctly, Sean Kenniff was his name. As far as the other members of that alliance, my memory is a little blurry, especially about Amanda.

We then met Ben who was the smartest of the Others.

Ben

He put on little glasses and a little hat and tried to pass off as a Hero.

Ben in his Yau Man disguise

I’m telling you, we never saw or heard the real Yau Man from Fiji. No, it was always Ben! Cirie was the only one who saw through the disguise and she went after the impostor. Ben had the ability to get people off the island and Cirie was determined to stay there because, you see, the island has special powers and it cured her phobia of leaves. It had always been her goal to survive out there, to make her husband, Bernard, proud of her. Cirie got her way and Ben/Yau Man was eliminated.

After that, things slowly shifted in our Heroes’ favor. Ozzy and Cirie were able to team up to get rid of Troy… Tom… Truck… I mean that big oaf who had kidnapped Walt in a previous season. The Heroes were out for revenge and it was poetic justice… but it came at a great cost. Jonathan was injured during the fight against the Bully and he never recovered. The cut on his leg became infected. The woman doctor, called in from the freighter, told Jonathan (in an Aussie accent… Hummm!) that he had to be hospitalized or he could die. Take care Jonathan, I hope you have recovered.

The next victim was the crazy woman, Kathleen Rousseau, who had been on the island for so long that she knew nothing of the real world. She had never seen a gay man or a woman with breast implants before. In fact, her flashback showed that she had been the first castaway ever sent to exile island alone and forgotten there since then.

Exiled in Micronesia

Kathleen told us about her condition: “It’s tough when you have to stay out in the cold and rain for 5 or 6 years.”
The isolation caused her to breakdown. Delusional, she convinced herself that Alexis was her daughter, the baby girl that had also been kidnapped by the Others so long ago. To reunite with Alexis, Kathleen made an alliance with the Others. She tried to talk to Alexis but got nowhere.
In tears, Kathleen told us: “I can’t reach my daughter. She doesn’t feel that we are family.”

Informed of this, Probst realized that Burnett was testing a twist for a future season: “Survivor: The Family Edition.” Probst jumped on his speedboat and rushed to the Others’ camp to put an end to that nonsense. Ignoring the plight of the 3 Heroes trapped there, Probst walked directly to Kathleen.
- “I’m here to take you off the island. You will not talk your way out of it.”
Probst dragged her to his boat, screaming and crying.

Despite a momentary respite, things weren’t perfect for the Heroes left on the good beach. There was a woman with long blonde hair named Juliet Tracy who had been with the Others until she realized they were a bunch of stupid players. She had come over to join our Heroes. Ami became her friend but Cirie never trusted her. Cirie’s suspicions proved right when Juliet went off to Exile Island for a rendez-vous with Jason, a member of the Others, instead of joining Ozzy, Amanda, Kate and Ami who were frolicking naked in a shower. We never saw what Ms. Tracy and Jason were up to but we heard rumors of a plot to eliminate the little Aussies. Thankfully, Cirie was there and she got rid of the threatening woman.

In week #8, Greg Gumbel temporarily took over hosting duties for Probst who was probably busy in his little cabin, getting some Jungle Love of his own. Remember that this is the first season in a long time that Jiffy is single. That Doc looked pretty good! Probst must have had a great time because we didn’t see him for two whole weeks!

Meanwhile, we learned that the “Island Sickness”, feared by our Heroes, was only “March Madness”. It led to the longest Reward Challenge in Survivor history: The Heroes and the Others facing off in a basketball challenge. The Favorites easily made it to the end but all they won was… an old fishing net.

Edwin, a local (or is this Joe?), bringing the fishing net

In Week #9, we saw episode #8 (wait…what? Is Lisi in charge of scheduling at CBS now?). Cirie was angered by Ami’s dealings with the Others.

Ami sneaking off

Cirie followed Ami to the back of the jungle where she roughed her up a little.

Cirie giving Ami the business

I think it’s very insensitive of Burnett to edit Cirie as the “Black Smoke Monster” this season. To test Ami’s loyalty to the Heroes, Cirie ordered her to kill an Other.

Machete in hand, Ami walked up to Erik but she couldn’t carry it out. Cirie and Ozzy became so upset with Ami that they excluded her from their Tribal Party. Ami had to leave in tears.

Jason was the most powerful of the remaining Others. He had dug up the Hidden Immunity Stick, the one that had been carefully carved by Mr Eko.

It's only a little Stick

The Stick had surprising special powers and poor Jason found out about them when he took it out of his pants. Eliza was quite disappointed at the sight. She still fooled around with Jason and so, Eliza found herself in trouble. Having disgraced the Heroes by fooling around with an Other, Eliza was disowned and dispatched.

By now, Ozzy thought he had his little Aussies in full control of the island. He openly joked about Jason and his little stick. Feeling in desperate need of friends, Jason invited Ozzy and Amanda into the jungle for a party.
Not getting an invite, Cirie plotted on Exile Island: “Ozzy is a huge, huge Idol to the Aussies. It’s time to get rid of the Aussies’ Idol” she said.
Ozzy met the Lost Tribe and enjoyed what he thought was a celebration.

The Lost Tribe's camp

In reality, it was an army of stickmen waiting for orders to wage war on the Aussies.

The Army of Stickmen

Cirie and Parvati, who had also distanced herself from the little Aussies, seized the occasion to take command.

In the end, Ozzy, who had laughed at the stick, got the shaft.

I think Jiffy needs to read OutFrontGirl’s summary because his recap of the episode gave all the credit to Parvati, completely neglecting Cirie’s role in Ozzy’s blindside. Probst isn’t the first or last to lie about the role of the “Black Smoke Monster”.

Maybe our host is simply upset that it isn’t The Heroes versus The Others anymore. It’s become a confrontation between Women and Men and I’m being generous to the men by implying they have a fighting chance.

Episode 11
The Black Widow Brigade

The Baffled

Dabu day 28

The episode started with Monkeyboy telling the women they had been smart for not telling him about the plan to blindside Ozzy because he would have told on them.
That’s smart Erik, tell everyone you can’t keep a secret.

Amanda and James were commiserating.
Amanda said: “What nerve for Cirie and Parvati for making me look like an idiot. I think Parv and Cirie and Alexis and Natalie are in an alliance and I think they want to take out all the men.”
Ya Think?! With “brilliant” observations like this, Amanda, you are doing a good job of making yourself look like an idiot.

Second Scene – Break Up:

James wasn’t too worried about the little cut on his finger when Cirie pointed it out. Chilling in the cave, he considered it was nothing compared to the knife that had stabbed Ozzy in the back.

Parvati was worrying about James. “I just did 3 loops around the island looking for your ass” she told him when she found him in the cave. She had a confessional: “Oh! My God! I need to do some serious damage control, today. James is pissed at me. I made our bed but I have to lie alone in it. I knew that, as soon as I wanted to have it both ways, things were going to get crazy.”

The couple had its first fight.
- “Where are you going with this?” asked James
- “I couldn’t play the game according to Ozzy’s rules.”
- “What his your plan now that you’re not taking me with you? I’m just curious”
- “I’m with the girls now” answered Parvati, shrugging her shoulders.
- “Yeah! I figured that” said a disappointed James.
- “I wanted to say sorry because I couldn’t tell you.”
- “No. Sorry is not what you mean. Ha! Ha! is what you mean.”
- “I wanted to talk to you because I like you and I didn’t want it to be ackward.”
- “Oh! It’s gonna be ackward” replied James.

An Ackward Moment

As usual, James used a metaphor from the good recipe book. Call him Chef James: “It’s really funny. Always gotta eat the apple before finishing the pie. You can’t eat just the apple when my pies taste like heaven. I knew from the first day I saw you that you were an apple chewer. Hopefully, in the end, you can learn to bake a pie.”
- “Yeah, hopefully, because you weren’t going to give me credit for baking a pie anyways.”
- “Why would I say that?”
- “Because that’s pretty much how you’ve been acting towards me this whole time. That I’m too stupid to recognize a good pie.”

James had a confessional: “You can lie to me, you can fool me, you can deceive me but don’t say my pies aren’t good.”

All this talk of pie must have made James hungry and when James is hungry, he can be cranky. Anyway, this beautiful showmance wasn’t meant to last. James prefers the lunch lady type. Say what you want of Parvati...

she isn’t the lunch lady.

Parvati then went to Amanda, telling her she felt bad for keeping her out of the loop when she really wasn’t. “I’m thinking 5 girls going all the way.”
After a long drought, that would certainly assure this season’s release on DVD

Amanda was upset: “I don’t want Parvati to know that I’m mad at her because Parvati is pretty much running the show at this point. She has Natalie and Alexis and Cirie wrapped around her finger. I used to be the one that was wrapped around her finger.”
Amanda is still jealous.

Just then, Cirie approached: “I can tell you’re not happy,” she said to Amanda. “We totally trust you, it’s just, with Ozzy, we didn’t trust you. But, I love you, legs.”
It’s tough to fool Cirie when she totally trusts you while not trusting you at the same time

Reward Auction: Finger licking Good

Of all the Food Auction that Survivor has held, none will ever have a moment to equal: “He’s a Jew!” of Survivor Africa but, overall, this was one of the funniest from start to finish:

Cirie tried to short-change Jeff, giving only $100 for the hot-dog she had bought for $120. Everyone laughed when he caught her. You can’t really blame her however when Burnett charges that much for a hot-dog. When she took her first bite, Jason showed his usual social tact by saying: “Oh! It’s a fat one!”
Erik jumped in excitement when he saw his $80 bought a plate of nachos instead of the octopus that was under basket #1.
When the bowl of Bat soup was refused, Chef James stepped up to the podium and explained how to prepare “Bats à la Louisiane”.
- “All you have to do is to take the skin off first” said our favorite chef, taking a juicy bat wing and adding “That’s the secret; take the skin off first, just like this. There, Perfect!”
Thanks James but I’ll pass. Anything that can bite you back isn’t for me.

Amanda paid 280 bucks for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and she didn’t seem to regret it at all. Peanut butter has powerful effects on Survivor women!

Then, this new woman named Natalie stepped up to purchase a prize for $240.
I hate it when these new characters appear in mid-season. Was she on the island all along or did she just parachute in?

At first, it appeared as if she’d been robbed because the basket only contained a bottle with a message:

“You must choose 1 person to go to Exile Island immediately and you take all of the money they have left”

Hesitatingly, Natalie looked at Jason but wanted to make sure if a new hidden idol had been replanted. When Probst said that there was a new one in play, she thought it over but still chose Jason. She convinced him that he had no reason to be trippin’ even if she had robbed him of all his money because it was a good thing to be sent to Exile Island. He could find the idol.
Even Probst rubbed it in: “This time, maybe you’ll get a real one!”

Using her new found riches, Natalie bought a huge chocolate cake that she was allowed to share with 3 other people.

Chocolate Cake!!!

She chose the girl squad but gave them a stern warning: “Don’t hog the cake because I haven’t had any food and I’m a little aggro right now. I could be sending you to Exile Island if you don’t behave.”

Aggro? It sounds like the new girl has a rough edge. Is this new character going to have an impact on the story? Is she going to be the tough chick or will she soon fade back into obscurity? A carefully edited storyline could put her in a great position for the cliffhanger at the end of the season. When I saw that scene, I thought we were witnessing the beginning of a new fan favorite Hero: The “Sweatheart with an Attitude”.

Natalie, Alexis, Cirie and Parvati had 1 minute to stuff their face. It reminded me of Shane in Panama but with chocolate instead of burgers. Amanda was left out of the group again, Chef James couldn’t believe his eyes, critical of the amount of chocolate in the cake’s recipe.
Erik, the “Lost Puppy”, didn’t care, he was waiting for scraps. Like a good doggie, he got them, paying Cirie $40 to lick her fingers. The Puppy was wagging his tail.

James was dismayed: “That’s sad. Something’s wrong with that boy. He really has problems, poor thing.”
You just realized that now, James? The hair, the shorts, the drool… nothing had given it away before?

With that, the auction was over, the girls licking their fingers, James chewing on bat.

Third Scene – Bitches Brew:

As the tribe returned to camp, Parvati was amazed at Jason’s luck. Our demure Natalie was wondering if she had made a mistake in sending him to Exile Island. Cirie was trying to reassure everyone that Jason was too dumb to figure the clues while Alexis had another plan: “As soon as he comes back to camp, I’m going through his pants the second I see him.”
Maybe she had heard of his nude modeling days but since then he had received the curse of the little stick.

Natalie had a confessional: “Jason’s on Exile, we all want him gone. The little bitch has two days to find the idol. Guaranteed, that bitch will find it.”
Huh?? Could I have been wrong about our cute, smiling, new sweetheart? I’m suddenly having a funny feeling about her, like claws ripping gut.

On Exile Island, Jason was following the clues around the various islands, unaware of the mood in camp: “I was bummed that Natalie sent me here but I realized it was so that I could find the hidden immunity idol for her. That was a strategic move on her part and, if I can find the idol, I will be sure to share it with my darling Natalie so that we can work together. I believe that I can trust Natalie. I may even be falling in love with her.” When he finally found the idol, he clapped, saying: “This is the real idol. I’ve never talked to Natalie before but I feel that we are going to have a successful alliance, many children and live happily ever after.”

Back in camp, the women were analysing their different options and trying to figure out how to get in Jason’s head. Cirie was talking of splitting the votes, Amanda wanted to convince him he didn’t need immunity. If they only knew that all they really needed was to have Natalie smile at him.

“We’ve concocted this beautiful plan to disarm Jason, to overcome his lack of trust” Natalie told us, adding “We are going to blindside him. At this point, Jason is an idiot who believes everything I say. He thinks I’m warming up to him which I’m absolutely not. I’m such a genius because it will not only have happened once with Ozzy but twice with Jason. Girls against the Guys. Genius!!”

Now, that’s cold. Natalie isn’t a sweetheart afterall, she’s a Stone-Cold bitch!

The scene ended with all the women laughing and quoting: “Hell hath no fury…”
I’m thinking they are a little too sure of themselves but, then again, look at the guys standing in their way!

Fourth Scene - They Say it’s your Birthday:

Dabu, Day 30

The guys had been reduced to running errands. James and Monkeyboy went to pick-up tree mail that announced the immunity challenge:
“Déjà vu. This may feel familiar.
Don’t panic but still you’d better hurry
If you haven’t learned from the past
One of the men is going to the jury.”

Now, I’m thinking Burnett is doing a little too much to help the men win this season but they are so blind that they may have misread the clue.

Erik had a confessional: “If I don’t win immunity, I might not make it to my next birthday simply because Natalie has the machete and is ready to chop my head off, Parvati and Cirie have a fire going and are preparing to roast me while Alexis could choke me to death.”

The Stone-Cold Bitch explained the girls’ plan: “If all goes to plan, Jason will feel comfortable enough not to play his idol and he will not win immunity so he’s done. It’s either James or Jason today. As evil as women can be and diabolical and cut-throat and go for the jugular as women are and suck blood, we do want Erik to have a good birthday since it’s likely his last one.”
Now, if she’s going to do all the bashing herself, what will basher posters do? And, by the way, who wouldn’t enjoy their birthday celebration surrounded by evil, diabolical and cut-throat women?

The Immunity Challenge:

As soon as Probst had finished his instructions, the Stone-Cold Bitch turned to Jason who had just returned from Exile Island.
- “James is going home tonight” she told him, adding: “Don’t ask questions. I sent you to Exile Island for a reason.”
Jason was pleased to hear that. He said:
- “Once I thought about it, I knew you sent me out there for a reason.”
Love is blind. Natalie is enjoying her power trip and Jason thinks it makes her endearing.

The challenge itself was an occasion for the women to rest and amuse themselves by watching the men fighting it out.
It had a Gladiator feel to it: “Ave Witches, Moritori te Salutant”
Everyone cheered for Erik in his attempt to win. Everyone except Amanda, that is, because she kept digging in the sand. What was she doing? Trying to dig her way back to China? She wouldn’t be the first Hero to want to go back.

In the end, it came down to Erik and James with the women all contorted, trying to help Erik along the rope bridge. Despite a valiant effort by James, Monkeyboy’s agility proved to be the deciding factor and he won immunity, only assuring himself of a nice birthday despite Probst’s words of a 1 in 7 chances. The women applauded him, the Stone-Cold Bitch even blowing him kisses.

I hope he likes the necklace because that’s his only present.

Final Scene - The Season of the Witch:

Left alone in camp, Parvati and Alexis had a moment to dance to their success while Cirie looked on, laughing.

Parvati told us in confessional: “So far, part A of the plan is perfect… I was ecstatic.”
Cirie said she jumped up but didn’t scream so that the guys wouldn’t suspect a thing. I think she could have been wearing an “Erik is #1” T-Shirt with a blonde wig and still the other guys wouldn’t have been alarmed.

Parvati and Alexis started stirring their imaginary cauldron, witches laughing as they were getting ready to boil someone alive.

Parvati went on: “The girls are coming together to form the Black Widow Brigade. We are spinning the boys around as fast as we can until they don’t know which way is up and then we’re devouring them, one at a time.

Back in the cave, Jason was preparing to go check on the fishing nets. As soon as he left, Cirie asked where was his stuff. Natalie and Amanda found his bag. Searching through it, Natalie found the idol as James and Erik looked on, disapprovingly.

The Stone-Cold Bitch told us her next move: “It would be perfect, it would be brilliant, it would be orgasmic for Jason to go out just like Ozzy, blinsided, with no idea of what’s hitting him in the face. I’d love it.”

She went to the beach to join Jason, reassuring him that he had gone to exile Island for a reason adding: “You don’t have to answer me whether you have it or not”.
Now, that’s devilish.
Not sensing any duplicity, Jason said: “Thank you for keeping your word and you have mine in this game and my love forever.”
“Cool” replied the Bitch, looking as if getting his word and his love were less important than not being interrupted now that she was on a roll. “The thing is that James is going home tonight” she added.
Jason admitted he had the idol and that Natalie was very smart to have asked Jeff if there was a new idol. Now, that made Natalie smile, the fool was making it feel better and better.

Jason had a confessional: “I’m hoping that Natalie is telling me the truth, that we’re voting for James tonight. I’m going to have to trust her this tribal council.”
His final words to Natalie were: “My word is as good as your word” !!!!

The Stone-Cold Bitch told us: “I think I’m pretty evil. I’m in game mode. I’m in ‘I’ll get you mode’. I’m having a lot more fun, I’m being myself which is pretty ruthless…and I have a smile on my face.”
I’d say she is completely Ruth-less.

Ruth Marie

Now there was a favorite who wouldn’t double-cross the guys! I’m sure some were hoping to see Ruth this season but, no, they had to cast people that were prepared to make moves.

James and Amanda were wondering what to do. They hadn’t seen that many witches in China. Government repression probably.
Amanda said: “It’s gonna be Jason but they’re dead set on sending you home. It’s on him, he’s writing your name.”
James was also set on writing Parvati’s name. “I was thinking you could too.”
Amanda said: “I don’t think you’re going tonight.”
James wasn’t convinced: “There’s no way the dummy is gonna not play is idol. If he don’t, that’ll be tragic.”
“That would be awesome” said Amanda.

Meanwhile, Jason was hanging with the girls, making girl talk, giggling at Alexis’ story: “I get unbelievably 4th grade uncomfortable when a guy makes a move. I’m not the cool girl at all.”
“Really, I thought you were a man-eater” replied Natalie.
Jason was enjoying his girl time.
Natalie had one last confessional: “I’d love to blindside Jason. Use his jugular to floss my teeth. It would be 2 and 0 for the ladies. Either way, it’s down to 5 girls to 2 guys, picking them off, one by one.”
I don’t think Natalie is going to be a fan-favorite after all.

Tribal Council:

As the players sat, the jury walked in, Ozzy giving the one-finger salute, the camera swinging to Parvati, the intent clear.

Jeff wanted to know if they still needed providers.
Parvati answered that everyone was providing.
James agreed: “It don’t look that good for ol’ James. The social butterflies have done their work. I’m definitely on the chopping block.”
Probst wanted to know if James would be frustrated to be voted out.
Chef James replied: “It was all about trying not to make certain people eat that apple pie before it was ready. Somebody wanted to be greedy, Parvati, she wanted to make herself in a better position and she did what she had to do and she got rid of Ozzy.”
“That bitch” muttered our silent juror!
James went on: “Now, I’m pretty much next. I could try the politic but I really suck at that. What can you do?”
Jason was smirking, buying the whole production. When Jeff pointed out it was surprising to see him there, Jason said: “Every little thing that I do around camp is changing my social standing… It was an opportunity to find the idol but I wanted to stay with my tribe.”
Weird to hear Jason refer to it as “MY tribe”!!!
Asked if it was possible for things to change that quickly, Natalie, who became the Stone-Cold Bitch in one episode, had to agree.
The smiling Jason misunderstood once more.

Jason voted James, saying: “You played a good game but Parvati got you in the end.”
James voted Parv, saying: “You couldn’t have just frolicked naked and enjoyed the heavens, you had to eat the damn apple.”

After tallying the votes, Probst gave the dummy a chance to play the idol but, to James’ amazement, it remained once more out of sight.
The votes were read:
- James
- Jason
- James
- Parvati
- James
- Jason
- Jason

We were tied 3 votes Jason, 3 votes James and 1 vote remaining :

The 11th person voted out and the 3rd member of the jury was: Jason.

Probst ended it with these words: “After back to back blindsides, anybody who thinks they are safe, is a fool.”
For some reason (!) the camera went directly to Natalie.
Before leaving, James was told medical wanted to see his finger.

Jason’s final words were: “I was played by Natalie… I wish I had been smarter and played the idol when I had a chance.”
Well Duh!

Next week, James has his finger worked on, a new immunity idol search is on, the families visit the island and 7 are left.
We will finally find out who are the Oceanic 6!

Thanks to Jenny du Jour, Platinumtlc for the gifs and warrior for the vidcaps.