LAST EDITED ON 04-23-08 AT 05:57 PM (EST)

Disclaimer: The following show is based on a true story. It has been edited into the story the editors want you to see. Nobody is really as clueless as in what you’re about to see. Except Jason.

PREVIOUSLY on SURVIVOR

Erik rejoiced when the great Ozzy-wan took the wide-eyed kid under his wing. Erik hopes to stay in the game as Ozzy’s padawan, because Ozzy is running the game. (In Ozzy and Erik’s galaxy, not so much in Palau)
Jah-san found Ozzy’s hidden stick and mistook it for a light saber. Ozzy has the real one, and with it he feels invincible.

Perverti discovered she likes both boys and girls, and if those become scarce, she’s willing to hook up with anything that has a pulse. This increases her options, worries the other members of the “Couples Alliance," and now even the island crabs think they’re in an alliance with her.
Can’t blame the crabs for being excited. I know I’d rather give the crabs my vote.

Jah-san vanquished Ozzy, which left Ozzie vulnerable at TC. However, the tribe voted out Supreme Threat Eliza because the only other member of the “We Annoy Everybody” alliance had immunity.
God forbid that Amanda would stick up to Cirie, insist on booting that Ozzy-snuggling witch Alexis, and force Perverti to choose her favorite alliance, because that would be strategic.

Eliza demonstrated that playing a fake idol is more effective than passive-aggressively rolling your eyes while Jiffy reads your name over and over again.
The fake idol ploy gives you an extra 30 seconds to run your mouth and POINT THINGS OUT that need to be, um, pointed out, before you’re banished to the “make-up and hair products” side of the Tribal Council area -- where you must mutely await your next turn to run your mouth -- the Day of Judgment.

Eliza being the first juror, that’s an awfully long time to be mute. Her eyes may pop out of their sockets before we get there.

For all the snark on last episode, see
Colonel Zoidberg's Ep 9 summary

DABU
DAY 24, NIGHT

<Opening shot>
The surviving Dabu pile on top of each other and writhe around in their moonlit shelter. Very kinky!
Oops, on DVR review this could also be a shot of a group of rats competing for over-ripe coconut flesh. Well, pretty much the same thing.

Perverti and the girls ask Jah-san to spin back the DVR at camp because they sort of missed what happened at Tribal Council and they need a replay. They want to know if Jah-san really gave Eliza his “idol” to play with and he says yes, he did, because it was the only move he could make with all the other girls piling on top of Ozzy and James.

Ozzy admits that he planted that “idol” – for even Ozzy-wan can be proud to take a lesson from the great Master Yau-da, who employed the same strategy in the faraway and long ago star system of Fiji 14.

Ozzy smirks. He does that a lot this episode. Too often for me to note it every single time, so please compose your mental image of Ozzy accordingly. I’ll let you know if he stops.

Jah-san (conf): I’m glad Eliza rather than “myself” tried to give Jeff a piece of wood because I wouldn’t have wanted to go home looking like “even more of a fool.”
Which is kind of like Johnny Fairplay declaring he wouldn’t want to be remembered as even more of a liar. It’s the impossible dream.

Meanwhile, the Couch Empress envisions an alternate universe in which Jah-san had found the real idol and Eliza had been saved. Her first response was to get nervous because this would mean that she, Cirie, didn’t know and control everything about the game.

BUT, say it was true and Ozzy was gone and the hidden idol played and neutralized. Hmm. Not such a bad scenario. Hmmm.

DAY 25

Jah-san: I felt kind of silly when it turned out my prized light saber was just a piece of wood, but hey, what counts in this game is not whether I looked like a simpleton asshat but whether I continue to be here looking like a simpleton asshat. Which I do.

Jah-san continues his speech of hubris: “I bested Ozzy-wan in hand-to-nose combat, which and proves Ozzy-wan isn’t the only GODLIKE warrior in this game.

Apparently Jah-san has been reading lots of Greek mythology and defines “godlike” as ‘arrogant, narcissistic, and showing off a lot, with no need for social skills.’ With luck he’ll imitate Zeus, turn into a swan, and we can watch James wring his neck and go all “bat” on his ass. Mmm, good.

Jah-san explains that this game is between him and Ozzy now, and if he can keep beating Ozzy, he will win.
I must have really snoozed through the merge episode. Here it was the first merge in Survivor history with only two players, and I missed it!

REWARD CHALLENGE

Jeff: Today’s reward is our obligatory “visit the primitive tribe and appreciate the host culture” tour. In this case, YAP. The host culture will degrade itself in exchange for American TV dollars by allowing stinking unwashed media ho’s to sleep in the huts normally reserved for tribal dignitaries.

(Jeff may have said ‘normally reserved for people with dignity” – that works too)

JP: You WILL go and pretend to appreciate another culture, or there will be NO BEER for YOU. You will NOT whine when they serve you a whole pig’s head instead of PIZZA. We’re STILL worried about retaliation from China over the pizza whine! Micronesia has already been NUKED repeatedly by the U.S. -- and there’s some chance they haven’t fully gotten over it, and do I need to remind you they still practice cannibalism?

The cannibalism bit is untrue, but any “tribe” that names itself DABU because an ice scream scooper from HELL, MI says it means something kewl in Micronesian, is not going to question any BS Jeff lays on them

JP: We’ll now have captains pick teams. (Cirie looks perturbed)
One person will not be picked. (Cirie protrudes lower lip in displeasure)
That person will go to Exile Island (Cirie sighs in resignation)
for absolutely no benefit because we all know there’s no idol there. (Cirie mouths, “Yeah, Jeff, just put me on the boat already”)

Captains: Jah-san and Non-entity

Jah-san invites his fellow godlike competitor Ozzy-wan to come on over.
Non-entity picks godlike James. (James is godlike because I say so)

Jah-san picks Ozzy-wan’s Padawan Erik.
Jeff asks Non-entity to pick again. A voice that sounds remarkably like James picks Parvati.
Non-entity flies UTR even when she’s a team captain.

Jah-san picks Ozzy-wan’s concubine, Amanda. He’s managing to kiss as much Ozzy-butt as possible.
Non-entity has a choice between her Fan girlfriend Alexis, and Can’t Swim Cirie.
(Cirie outright laughs at the non-suspense)

Non-entity quivers, not because her choice is in doubt, but because Cirie revenge is a force to be feared. Picks Alexis. Cirie demonstrates how to gracefully fake sportsmanship and gets in the boat without moping, pouting, or telling Non-entity to talk to the hand.

Jeff: OK, today’s challenge is called “Yet Another friggin Puzzle that involves Swimming and Ozzy and Jason showing off.” Swim out over obstacle structure, memorize pieces, get back, place pieces, if you think you have it and screw up someone has to go back out before you get another guess.”

Jeff: “Remember, you have to be able to differentiate between the fake pieces.”
Luckily for the easily-fooled men, most of the implants have already been booted

In a SHOCKING not-even-close finish, Ozzy-wan’s team wins. I mean Jason’s team. He WAS the godlike team captain, remember. Well, he remembers, even if no one else cares.

Poor James. The camera captures his disgust as he’s sent back to camp with three women. Again. James does not look remotely tempted to eat the apple.

IN THE LAND OF BETEL NUTS & BOOBIES

En route to YAP, Erik muses:
“YAP is a little island nation all alone and surrounded by more powerful forces. Much like myself in this game. I’ve never heard of YAP, but think of all the people who’ve never heard of Pinckney Michigan.
Wow, think of all the people who’ve never heard of me. Yet Yap exists and so do I. “
An existential realization for our little Erik … he’s growing up so fast on TV!

After they land, the Chief welcomes them in perfectly good English. CBS subtitles the Chief because they fail to realize that “primitives” can speak English.

Erik demonstrates the pathetic state of our American educational system by announcing the place is so primeval that he expects a dinosaur to jump out of the jungle and eat the tribe for lunch just as it happened millions of years ago.
(I’m guessing they show Jurassic Park as an educational film these days.)

The Chief appears and offers them Betel nuts for their bags. “These nuts are very good for getting warmed up.”
<Cut to tribesman climbing a shaft and cutting off nuts.>
I mean cutting the nuts off the tree. What is it about Survivor that they always go for the gonad symbolism?

Erik can’t help but notice that none of the YAP women wear tops. They wear blurry patches.
He has a “culturally interesting” moment, remarking “the lunch lady has no shirt on!”
(This makes me laugh until I envision Denise topless. Unfortunately for me, I watch this show while eating dinner. Sometimes it’s not a wise combination.)

For Erik, this is “the most boobies I ever saw in my whole life.”
It even tops seeing Amanda and Ami in the shower, because they only had a total of four boobies. Such is Erik math.

The children dance. Their parents are proud. Ozzy-wan is proud of his little Erik-wan, so wide-eyed and naïve, which means Erik can narrate this reward, while Ozzy chills. Fair enough, because Ozzy narrated the “pretend to appreciate the host culture and drink too much home brew” reward on Survivor 13, and he’s been there done that.

Erik is now trying to light saber duel with the Yap warriors. Or they may be using sticks. It’s hard to tell light sabers from sticks you know. Whatever, Erik sucks at it. Erik decides to man up and chew betel nut so he can feel the Betel Nut Force. They make a weird feeling in his mouth. Erik resumes the stick play. This is Erik’s brain on Betel Nuts. He still sucks at the stick play but he has more fun sucking at it.

Later that night, Erik plays a kinder gentler version of all the players before him that over-indulged and vomited at a feast. Brian Heidik, Tom Westman, Judd who bogarted the beer and soiled his own shelter – take a lesson from Erik who politely comments: ”after much betel nuts and beers, I tossed my cookies at the edge of camp. I guess beer and betel nuts isn’t a good combo. But it was all worth it and I enjoyed myself thoroughly.”

You know how the Burn-it’s minions plan for these lavish overnight rewards to produce game-changing shifts in the dominant alliance structure? Yeah, well, there was none of that.

Jason got to sit in the co-pilot seat, where he fantasized that he might get asked to run the show if the actual pilot crashed and was pulled into a very tall tree by a smoke monster. But that didn’t happen.

Amanda and Ozzy ate a lot of food and were so boring they weren’t even blur-worthy. EPM hoped they would have wild betel nut sex, but that didn’t happen.

Erik “imbibed” the host culture, appreciatively, excessively, explosively. Pretty much all that happened.

In short, the producers blew a huge chunk of their budget to get chunk-blowing footage. But the Yap kids were super cute.

DAY 26 – POINTLESS EXILE LAND

Cirie: SCARY … RAIN … THUNDER … COLD … NO FIRE … NO IDOL … OZZY HAS IT … NOT GOOD … Well, enough of wasting perfectly good plotting time by complaining about the weather …. I’ll get you, Ozzy, and YOUR LITTLE IDOL TOO … But that's not what's worrying me. It's how to do it. These things must be done delicately … DELICATELY, BWAHAHA …

DAY 27
DABU CAMP – REWARD LOSERS

James sits demonstrating how to make horrible grating, clanging, scraping sounds with an ax head, machete, and a big stick of bamboo. Finally Perverti loses it and pops her “cute” little head out of the covers, telling James to knock it off. “You’re being seriously obnoxious, James. Girls are trying to sleep here.”

James is what you might call miffed. “Perv fixed her mouth on me that I DISrupted her sleep after I tended that fire all night keeping mosquitoes off her ass”

Sound effects: THUNDER
(This is called using sound to reflect the mood of the character.)

CBS subtitles James, perhaps because he’s from Louisiana. Oddly, the only line I couldn’t make out was the one NOT subtitled. Perhaps whatever James muttered next wasn’t PG13.

WE’RE NOT IN YAP ANY MORE, OZZY

<Snake shot, slithering across beach.>
I expect Cirie to show up, but instead it’s the post betel nut boy band and their back up singer.

So of course the ones who got no food ask if there was good food, but really they don’t want to hear about it. What they want to hear is “we didn’t forget about you guys and here are the goodies to prove it.” These four are all proved masters and fanatical students of this game, so surely …. Um, NO, not a single morsel. Not so much as a slightly masticated Betel Nut.

Suddenly Ozzie morphs into a blonde. He channels Neleh. He lists ALL the food, the lobster, the 5 kinds of chicken, banana pancakes, and on and on. No food left unmentioned. No ‘sorry you couldn’t be there.”

Imagine that, 16 seasons of Survivor and we STILL see the same old faux pas.
We now nominate Ozzy to receive the Keith Famie Memorial Faux Pas plaque, inscribed with an eternal arrogant smirk

We see Perv and the fan girls in the water, trash-talking Ozzy. “What a brat that boy is! He has to go.” These girls mean business. We can tell because they’re swinging machetes around, idly, in a “hmm, what shall we chop off next?” sort of way.

Back in the cave, James warns Amanda that Perv loves her girls more than him now. Amanda nods. Amanda comments to James that Ozzy has to be EXTREMLY careful. James nods.

Jason tells Erik that “I probably won’t be sticking around unless I win every single immunity to the end.” Erik nods, secretly happy and secure as Ozzy’s padawan.

Far away on Idol-less Island, Cirie nods to herself in approval of her latest plot.

After this set up which shows that everybody in the game is thinking hard about vulnerability and the potential for blindsides, betrayal, and blunders –
<cut to Ozzy, standing off by himself, enjoying a light snack>

At this point of the summary I simply must drag out my shiny new Survivor-viewing device: the F.U.B.A.R life support monitor. It beeps and flashes CODE BLUE whenever the “patient” forgets the F.U.B.A.R. rule, which is:
Friends Ultimately Betray Alliances Ruthlessly

If Friends doesn’t apply, sub Fans, Faves, Flirts, Fatheads, Freaks, or whatever F word you prefer. The operative term is BETRAY. Trust -- not good way to win Survivor.

It appears Ozzy needs to be hooked up to the F.U.B.A.R monitor STAT.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE – “THEY MIGHT JUST WANT A DAMN DONUT!”

Here we go with another recycled challenge. The one where you hold your arm up and have to FOCUS or your bucket of water dumps on your head, first played out in Ep 7 of S3. The one where Clarence and T-bird played rock paper scissors, Clarence gave up immunity, and Clarence was booted.

However, it is not entirely identical. This time they color-coded the water.

Also Jeff has combined it with his trademark “tempt them with food” move first trotted out in Ep 7 of S2, when Jeff Varner tossed the mil away for peanut butter.
Jeff explains that if you let him know you’re packing it in for the treat, you can have it.

First Cirie and Erik drop out for a shared plate of gummy worms.

Jiffy comes out with cookies and milk.
Alexis loses her grip, gets splashed, and looks expectant.
Jiffy tells her NO WAY, she got EXCITED and lost it, she’s OUT. No milk and cookie for you.

JP: You can mope and get mad but fair warning it will be Tuff Sh*t unless you announce you’re dropping out.

Alexis protrudes the lower lip and glowers at Jeff. She eyes the cookies like a bear at Yellowstone watching tourists pack up the picnic and lock it in the SUV. Like a bear that’s seriously considering rolling the SUV and consequences be damned.

Like she can’t quite grasp that she can’t have them and won’t be getting them no matter how much her cute lil Southern belle lip quivers in distress. Every time the camera cuts back to the loser bench we see the lip. They could have used her lip to catch fish in China instead of that pelican-thingy.

Please hold on to that mental image of Alexis so I don’t have to repeat myself.
This is a new and not so sweet side of Alexis. Deny a motivational speaker her sugar rush and the dark side will out. That’s probably what made Lady Macbeth go on a rampage. No milk and cookies at the banquet.

There, I just gave Alexis more face time than she had in all prior episodes combined. Now if I could just find a reason to mention that Non-entity girl

Suddenly, Non-entity loses her grip. She was about to pass out. She totally accepts the “No milk and cookies for you” rule. No moping. She finds a radar on the bench and slips under it.

James: Oh man, that would SUCK! -- and his bucket dumps on him. “Oh BITCH!”
In retrospect, I wonder if James had a predictive moment just then and the upcoming TC flashed before his eyes.

Some time later, Jeff brings out three chocolate donuts. Unbelievably, Ozzy agrees in a flash to give up immunity for these donuts.
This might be a good time to plug in the F.U.B.A.R. monitor.

Amanda drops out because she has to pee. Doesn’t even wait for food. This is a bizarre challenge. Not going according to script at all. You can tell that even Jeff doesn’t know what to make of it.

Jason and Perv remain. Six hours have passed.
Jeff comes out singing the old Christmas Carol about how a bird in a fruit tree is better than peeing in the bushes:
“4 dooonuts, 3 cooooookies, 2 chocolate bars …
Twoooooo beers, one glass of milk, and a PIZZA for ALL of you to SHARE …
But first … someone has to drop out for the greater good of the tribe.”

Perverti works Jason from the “make friends” angle, while Non-Entity takes off her invisibility cloak and works him from the “we could promise to spare him tonight” angle.

JP acts as the treaty negotiator. He asks Jason how many promises he would require to give up immunity so that he, Jeff, can go back to his luxury suite and get his afternoon massage.

We know it’s time for Jeff’s massage because he stopped dicking around with gummy worms and brought out the beer and pepperoni.

One by one they all cross their fingers behind their backs and say “I promise” as Jason counts: that’s One, that’s Two … Jason can almost do immunity math. Actually Jeff has to help him with THREE, after which they both give up.

Jeff is doing his job as guardian of the dimwitted by asking Jason if he trusts these people, and to give the bonehead credit Jason allows that he doesn’t necessarily trust them, but he can’t keep winning immunity EVERY time because even godlike competitors can’t do that.

(I am unclear on why not, because I thought gods had special powers, but maybe Jason means that Ozzie as a fellow-god has the odds to win next time)

Jason says this might be his only move.
Sort of like last time his only move was to see if a stick was an immunity idol. You would think Jason might see a certain pattern in his “move” selection, but apparently not.

Jason steps down and crosses his fingers for luck, totally oblivious that he just made a deal with eight people holding crossed fingers behind their backs.
This juxtaposition of finger manipulation is what they call NARRATIVE IRONY.

JP: OK, out of the 9 of you, Perverti is the only one safe. One of the other 8 just gave up a place in this game. We’ll see who that is tonight.
Jeff math is cold.

BACK at DABU camp

The next series of scenes is an ironic montage of “let us count the number of chances Ozzy gets to realize he needs to post haste go GRAB THAT IDOL and take it to TC and USE IT”

By irony, I mean when a character speaks a line mocking someone he thinks is an idiot, without realizing that he, the mocker, is making the exact same dangdumb blunder that he’s too busy laughing over to look in the mirror and see DOOM dangling over his head.

That was way too long a sentence, so let’s just proceed by showing, not telling:

1) Ozzy: That Jah-san, He fell for one of the oldest tricks in the book.
That had to be one of the DUMBEST and most NAIVE moves in Survivor history. (Ozzy, are those chocolate donut crumbs in your goatee?)

2) James and Ozzy: Stupid Jason, he forgot this game is about Outwit, Outplay, and Outlast, and that boy just got Outwitted.

3) Ozzy to Amanda: We’re voting out Jason and I’m pretty sure Cirie is down with it.
Amanda: Have you talked to Cirie?
Ozzy: No

4) Ozzy: We’d have to be IDIOTS not to vote him out.

5) Ozzy: Do we need to worry about Natalie, Alexis, and Parvati?
James: YES. Parvati is all about girl power now.
Ozzy: Have you talked to Parvati about it?
James: NO
Ozzy: Do you have a bad feeling?
James: YES.
(well then, I guess you guys are all set)

6) Ozzy: This would be a good moment for someone to flush the idol out, but that’s what makes us Favorites such good players, we know better than to switch things up. We stick to our alliance.

F.U.B.A.R.

Ozzy never saw Cirie blindside Shane? Ozzy forgets that Cirie allied with Yau and then targeted him just because he sent Jonathan to exile where he MIGHT find an idol that he and Yau MIGHT share?
Whereas Ozzy DID find an idol and Cirie knows it?

Ozzy forgets that when he played before, he and Perverti were in a hot tub, not an alliance? Can he tell the difference?
What if they were in a hot tub and she crossed her fingers? Would he pick up on it?

Did Ozzy bother to talk to Amanda and find out about Perv’s OTHER alliance?
Is it possible that the girls aren’t telling the guys everything?

See, these are questions it would behoove Ozzy to run through his brain while he’s busy mocking that idiot Jah-san for dropping a bucket of water on his head instead of going for immunity.

<Cut to Cirie and her coven: Perv, Nat, Alexis>
All Chant:

Double double toil and trouble,
Ozzy’s floating in a bubble.
In hindsight, Ozzy will be bumming
He’ll never see our blindside coming!

All agree not to tell Amanda, James, or Erik. Let them break their promise to Jason and feel like smug double-crossers. Cirie has a triple-cross planned. Now to recruit Jason:

Natalie to Jason: We have 5; they have 4; it’s a lock.
Natalie math is persuasive. I’ve decided not to call her Non-entity any more because she is clearly starting to play.

Natalie does not offer to be friends or allies with Jason. She offers to use him this once, but hey, it looks like a saving grace to him, because he can beat OZZY! Remember, he only has to beat Ozzy and he’ll win. God forbid that Jason go to Ozzy and James, Erik and Amanda, and reveal the PLOT and earn their gratitude, and hatch a new plan.

God forbid that he suggest the four of them vote for, say, CIRIEI, and that when Ozzy plays the idol, CIRIE goes home, because that would be strategic. And would change the game, and keep the guys even with the girls, etc.. Nah. Better to get rid of one rival alpha male even if you’re helping the women get a 5-3 majority.

7) Ozzy: I MIGHT stuff the idol in my bag and play it to be safe.

This is called “setting up the ending so we’ll be able to follow along, while also trying to keep us in suspense by using misdirection”
it hardly ever works except on newbies

TRIBAL COUNCIL

So of course JP has been talking to the cameramen and knows what’s up, but that’s no reason not to make Jason sweat like a pig and make him wonder if he’s been played for “even more of a fool” than last time. Jeff asks a lot of questions about promises until Cirie confirms that the whole promise thing wasn’t taken seriously by anyone but Jason.

JAMES: You can’t be going around annoying everyone and then thinking you can appease everyone with a DONUT.
If you TEMPT somebody with a DONUT, and they say Oh sure,
They might just want a DAMN DONUT.

And you thought James couldn’t make a pithy comment without dragging in a Biblical fruit metaphor. See, James has more range than he gets credit for.
I thought this was the best speech in the whole show.

Looks like Jason knows he’s going home. Remember the Ozzy smirk? Yeah, it’s still in place, hold the mental picture …

But first … we have to give the FUBAR monitor one last chance at alerting Ozzy before we call the CODE BLUE.

Jeff: Is having the idol putting a target on your back Ozzy?
Ozzy: Yes Jeff, I reckon it is.
Jeff: Do you really trust your alliance, Ozzy?
Ozzy: Yes, Jeff, I reckon I do.
Jeff: Does the idol make you overly comfortable, Ozzy?
Ozzy: Yes Jeff, I reckon it does confer a mite of comfort.

JP: Would you consider playing the idol, Ozzy?
Ozzy: Well, Jeff, I reckon I might think about it after the votes are read. I’ll just have to read their minds. I am the all-knowing and all-seeing OZ, ya know?

Jeff: Well, either you all renege on Jason, or SOMEBODY F.U.B.A.R.! will get a HUGE SURPRISE!

OZZY, YOU’RE UP! F.U.B.A.R.! F.U.B.A.R!

Translation: Ozzy, I can’t say it any clearer. You’re on the chopping block dude. Whip out your idol. Use it or lose it. I’ve run out of ways to say it, man, short of having the cameraman put a note in the voting booth.

VOTING
James: (votes Jason) I thought I was the dumbest Survivor ever.

Jeff: If anyone has the immunity idol and wants to play it, NOW would be the time to do it. F.U.B.A.R.! F.U.B.A.R.! F.U.B.A.R!

Cirie and Parvati try to pretend that they’re not stressed out. Ozzy looks down. This seems like an odd way to read the group, but hey, he may have a magic 8 ball in his lap. He does not pull out the idol. Several hearts break in a town called Survivor Blows.

Cirie smiles..

Tricky Jeff reads the votes, reading 4 votes for Jason and Jay-san’s vote for Ozzy.
JAH-SAN
OZZY
JASON
JASON
JASON

The Ozzy Smirk returns and has now reached Supernova magnitude.

OZZY

Remember how I told you I’d let you know when Ozzy stopped smirking. That would be now.
As if on time-delay, we can see Amanda’s brain compute, hey, where did that vote come from? Cirie and Jason smile. Parv tries not to smile. Instead she grows an Adam’s apple right there on the spot. It’s bobbing disturbingly up and down while she holds her face rigid.

OZZY

Ozzy’s gets serious with the goatee rub. James and Amanda both look at Ozzy in distress Over in the jury box, ET in a blue dress drops her jaw.

OZZY

He covers his mouth AND rubs his goatee. Amanda covers her mouth. James shakes his head.

JP: Four votes Jason, four votes Ozzy, one vote left.
Eliza puts her hand on her chest like she’s having a heart attack, but in a good way.

JP: The tenth person voted out of the tribe.

OZZY

CODE BLUE

Ozzy swipes the grease out of his hair and stands up. After Jeff snuffs his torch, he looks back at them like he’s trying to stare into their souls and strike the betrayers with his death gaze.

Jeff calls this a very big blindside. Cirie does the thing where she darts her tongue out like a snake while she smiles.

Eliza’s jaw drops so far that saying “her jaw hit the floor” sounds like understatement, so I can only show you:

OZZY’S LAST WORDS

Whoever you are of my Friends who Ultimately Betrayed our Alliance Ruthlessly, you should know I pretty much hate you, so Screw You!

We now officially award to Oscar Lusth:
1) the Lex van den Berghe “I thought because we were friends outside the game you wouldn’t backstab me” T-shirt

2) a Neleh Dennis “Used Breath-mint Club” Lifetime Supply

3) the James Clement “Will there EVER be a DUMBER SURVIVOR than ME???” statuette -- carved in the form of a hidden immunity idol smoking a hand-rolled check for a million dollars.

by Outfrontgirl